OH could be more supportive :(

[glitzyglamgirl]

Ive just found out my tubes are blocked, but I dont know to what extent and if anything can be done till my appointment with my consultant on the 17th. To say im upset is an understatement, but all he can say is "maybe we're just not meant to have a baby, im not wasting our life regretting it"

Well thanks a frickin lot.

Im so mad with him for not being more supportive, he can see how upset I am at the prospect of never being able to conceive naturally again, but I guess YET AGAIN I have to deal with this upset on my own. Nice to know hes there for me eh?

Rant over.

 

[zebrastripes]

Awk maybe he's more upset than he seems,but is trying to hide it?Men can be such unemotional drones at times

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Thank hun but its the norm with him, when he has a problem he wont tell me about it - I know when somethings wrong but he seems to think he has to deal with it on his own, and expects me to do the same. Drives me mad, I just want him to give me a cuddle and say nice things, is that too much to ask?

 

[Squiglet]

men are complete indifferential drones sometimes, and very rarely say the right things at the right times...

i've often wondered if I would have been better off a lesbian at many stages in my life... but then I've been told that it might not be much better.

I think men fear the emotion and they fear that they might say the wrong thing, so they try and say what they think is deep and meaningful, which turns out to be the wrong thing anyways, when it would be just as easy for them to say nothing and just cuddle you...

So for all the hugs your OH has missed....:



Just remember your not alone hun.... these things often come to guide is a direction we would never have seen on our own...

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Thanks hun

I might just sit him down tonight and tell him just how upset I have been, I must admit I cant really blame him, I havnt really shown him just how upset I am.

Im moving this into the new TCC with fertility issues as its more relevant to that I guess

 

[libs]

I think it's typical of all men - if they can't solve a problem - make it not a problem -whereas we think and think and think and worry

sorry you're feeling low

 

[babydust]

hi i just wanted to give you these and i think its a good idea to talk to your dh and tell him exactly how you are feeling about all this, i really think most men lack the understanding of peoples feelings they dont have a clue until its put in black and white to them i hope everything goes ok for you on the 17th, worst case is you may need to go through ivf, but at the end of the day you will get the chance to carry your little one and give birth, i dont think it matters how it got there or what help you got .
good luck

 

[Loola]

Men are useless arent they! I have been having a problem with my other half lately, doing really annoying thinngs like deciding to invite the boys round for a piss up when he knows Im ovulating. He seemed to be completely oblivious to my disappointment and anger towards him, he just called me a stroppy and selfish cow!! There was no talking to him so I wrote him a very long letter, well email, telling him exactly how I feel and how much this means to me. The good thing was that he couldnt butt in and talk over me, he had to read it all and it seems to have done the world of good, he even cried about it bless him. So perhaps you could do the same, write him a letter telling him exactly how you are feeling.

 

[lauramumof2]

GGG, (HUGS)))))))
I too was told my tubes were badly blocked, one was really bad, not much use at all. I had my 2 without fertility treatment though I was a week away from getting it.


Your oh needs to be more supportive and sounds like he has just put the emotional barrier up straight away. They arent like us in dealing with these things.

I hope the advice the others gave helps you,

 

[choklatemunky]

Aww hun it sucks sometimes but men just dont seem to think they way we do about things.
My DH is forever putting his foot in it - saying something without thinking and not realising it is going to be hurtful. He is quite supportive but just gets it wrong sometimes. He gets upset when I spell it out to him why what he said/did upset me - but I usually have to say - well if it was the other way round and I did that to you - before he gets it!

I think sometimes tho we cry into our pillows and don't let them see how upset we are (like it seems you have been doing) and they aren't very good at reading subtle hints! Maybe you just need to let it all out (in front of him) to make him actually see what you are going through and not jsut hear it (if that makes sense).

We are all here for you xx

 

[Jule]

I know exactly how you feel! How nice would it be for them to just cuddle us for a while and let all our tears/frustration come out?!!

My DH sees our problem as some kind of dent in his manliness or something so, he just gets angry at the fact there is 'something wrong with him' and the fact he cant do his caveman duty of 'get woman pregnant' . So if I get upset, he gets annoyed cos he says that makes him feel even worse! I dont think he's actually grasped the idea that I am upset at the prospect of never being able to conceive (worst scenario), but mainly just the stress of TTC for so long, and now having to wait for the good ole nhs to eventually get round to seeing us - NOT AT HIM

Although I must admit, sometimes, out of nowhere, he will just give me a big hug and not say anything at all - I think this is his way of comforting me.... even if it is without the actual words!

I'm sure your OH is feeling it just as much as you, but, being a man - is not too good at expressing it. I'm sure if you talk to him he will agree and empathise with every one of your feelings - even if he just nods (in my situation, sometimes, silence says more!)

xxxx

 

[sookie]

Sorry that you're having a hard time GGG

He's trying to be strong, and so in his own way supportive For him playing it down means it is easier to deal with.

Try to be patient with him and, as unemotionally as possible so he sees that you are being reasonable, tell him how you feel.

Good luck