Not coping with this at all

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Hi Ladies......Bit of history for those who dont know.....
Had several very faint, 5 obvious but faint and one stronger positives HPT from last thrus till tues making me 5+2....had bit of spotting on sat, then nothing till tuesday night....more pink spotting....then on wed started bleeding more heavily and between tues night and now Ive passed lots of lumps, clots, strings and at 1am this morning what looked like something different to what ive ever seen.....

Just went to loo again as could feel more blood coming away and there was the biggest amount of lumps and clots and strings of something Ive ever seen....Im sat in tears here and crying because I feel like Im flushing my baby down the toilet and that its not getting acknowleged for the precious little thing it was!

I cant stop crying, I feel so empty and down, feel like someone has died....is this normal to feel like this?

I feel so cheated!

Ive just rang our early care pregnancy unit and explained everything and described whats happened and she said i was def pregnant and that Im def misscarrying....she was lovely and very understanding and said if bleeding doesnt ease up to go to A&E or call her back there but that the lumpts etc are normal when this happens.

Ive had to see if David can get home fro work as Im in bits and not coping at all.

My heart goes out to you all too but I really done know how you all carry on and cope....I know its very early days for me atm but I dont know what to do with myself and the horrednous feeling of guilt of flushing our baby away is killing me.....

What do I do....


xxxxxxx

 

[smess26]

Oh hunny when I had my mmc I felt the same the needing the toliet but not needing to go the pain and clots it was horrible. And of course when you flush it away it always makes me
think it'snot nice but it doesbt mean you don't care. It took me a while to come to terms I knew my mmc was because it wasn't
meant to be the baby had something wrong but it didn't stop me
feeling cheated I shouldbt be having to try again I should be nearing my 20 week scan but these things are done to us to make us stronger and because ( in my head) there was something wrong with the baby.
I think you are so strong!!!
I want to give you a big hug Hun!! X x x

 

[jarjar7]

I'm so sorry hun. I have no experience in this but didn't want to read and run and just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you.
xxx

 

[serenitylove]

my heart really goes out to you whilma i took nearly 2 yrs to get over my m/c and start trying again i spent a few weeks on valium and had to have councelling to accept it was just one of those things no reason for it just that the baby wasnt right weather you were 5wks or 15 it was still your child and you have every right to feel grief and loss its also very soon after it happened your hormones will be all over let the feelings out and my biggest warmest hugs for you xxx

 

[BabyLover]

oh no hunni...I am so sorry for you.

I don't know what you are going through because I have never been pregnant and therefore never MC, but all I can see is the way you are feeling is going to be like...I do feel for you. I do hope things get better soon for you hunni

Lots of hugs xxx

 

[karenandbump]

Hey you..... I am so sorry this happened to you - as you know I went through this in Jan and how you are feeling is exactly how I felt. From people I've spoken to and things I've read it's totally normal to feel how you are feeling. Its a horrible, horrible time and nothing I say here will help you at the moment. You know I'm here for you if you need me - I PM'd u my mobile number so call me if you want to. Thinking of you lots - it does get easier hon, I promise xxxx

 

[Flossie]

im so so sorry wilma, I dont have any experience so I cant offer you advice but of course you are going to feel that way. Thinking of you and big hugs xxx

 

[skimpy]

So sorry this is happening to you Wilma

you are in my thoughts xxxx

 

[MrsR]

I am so so sorry this is happening to you darling x it took 2 and a half years for me to get over my missed miscarriage and felt strong enough to try again x x my heart absolutely goes out to you sweetheart x x you are in my thoughts x x

 

[x-misspinkuk-x]

im so sorry, you are going through this hun.
i can only imagin a fraction of the pain that you are feeling. i just want you to know im thinking of you
xxx

 

[hayels]

am so sorry hun. i know how u feel i been through it twice and at the moment nothing any one says will make u feel any better u just need to give ur self some time. thinking off u and sending lots of love xxxxxxx

 

[Tonks]

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. No one should ever have to post in this forum, and it really breaks my heart to see a new lady come across. Nothing anyone can say will ease the pain in your heart right now. You need to cry, and it is normal to feel the way you are feeling. The horrible feeling does get better though, I promise. 7 years on I still miss my baby, but the emotion is no longer raw pain.

Feel free to drop me a PM if you ever need to talk. We're all here for you

 

[JJ Mum]

Julie - I am so sorry that this has happened again to you , it is so unfair.

Your hormones will be all over the place but it really will get a little bit easier to manage as they start to settle down.

You will ask yourself why me, and why again - most importantly please don't blame yourself, it was nothing you did, didn't do or could have prevented , no matter how much you pull it apart and ponder what happened. Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome, I spent far too much time blaming myself from my miscarridge, I even emailed my deoderant company asking if safe for pregnancy as it was a stronger one.

take some time out with David, PM me if you want to chat anytime , all my love and hugs Jenni X

 

[PippaJ]

I'm so sorry Wilma. I've read your post and I can't begin to imagine how you or anybody else that goes through this feels, it is so unfair.

I just wanted to give you some . I hope you can spend some quality time with your family, everybody is here for you xx

 

[Laura_C]

I am so so sorry honey, as you know I recently miscarried at the beginning of March at 6+3 weeks, so I understand what you are feeling right now and its is totally normal at this stage to feel the way you do. I am coping, it does get easier, but I do have my 'down' days and struggle through. I told parents on both sides, a couple of the girls at work and my sister and my best friend. Some people kept telling me that really it wasn't usual to tell people until you have your first scan, but I was so excited I just wanted to share my news and enjoy being pregnant. I told people straight away when I had my daughter and everything turned out fine - and who are they to judge - its my choice!!

The doctors/nurses (not all but a couple) at the hospital were totally insensitive at times and really didn't help the situation, but thankfully they didn't discharge me until I got a negative pregnancy test - this took about a week - as my levels dropped very quickly.

I am still struggling now, still not had my period - and I am wondering if I am pregnant again and it is scaring the s**t out of me!! I had period cramps around the time my period would of been due if I fell back into my usual cycle, still getting the odd cramp but NOTHING!

What I am trying to say is, day by day it does get easier. You need to rest, give your body a chance to get over this as its a huge shock to your system. Then when your feeling physically ready, give yourself a little something to look forward to. That's what I have done and its helped me immensely. I booked some time off work over easter and i have been out and about on day trips and just had lots of fun and it has just given me a different focus for a while.

(((hugs))) to you, I'm here if you need a chat x x x

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Im so sorry to read this, I don't know any words to help you feel better but I am thinking of you xxx

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'm so sorry for your loss Thinking of you, and I'm always around if you ever need a chat

 

[charliebear]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Thank you so much everyone for all your lovely messages and never ending support. I know in time i wont feel this bad and the pain will ease in time but isnt it just the worst pain ever?
I honestly have shocked myself as i really never thought I would be this much of a train wreck and its took me by surprise at how much this has broken my heart. Im usually very composed and deal with everyone elses pain, problems and am usually in control. Not this time!

Ive had a really emptional day today crying one min not the next and then bursting into tears radomly mid conversation! Atm only David, Kate and 5 family/friends know I was pregnant, and we were going to tell the inlaws when I was a little further along. So we talked today about if we should tell inlaws that i was pregnant and now have MD (its Davids brother and sister as both our parents have passed away) but David didnt feel he could tell them over the phone, I didnt want to ring them and tell them either, I dont feel like visiting atm and text didnt seem appropriate.
I dont know if telling them is the right thing to do as not sure of waht their reaction to us TTC will be anyway but I also feel like if I dont tell them, then the baby isnt being acknowleged....does that make sense?
When my sis in law had MC 5 years ago she told us. I just dont want to have to put on a brave face when we see them as I also know I will just be a blubbering wreck anyway but i dont want them to know just to give us sympathy...I simply want them to recognise that we have lost our much wanted baby. they all knew we wanted more children a long time ago but never got round to it before now.

I also feel like I want to do somthing to mark the existence of the baby too but dont know what atm...

Kate is really upset too as she has always wanted a younger sibling and at 16 is very aware of how this is affecting us as individuals and as a family.....and obviously David is devastated too at the loss of what was to be.

I cant thank you all enough and thank you just doent seem sufficient to portray how i feel knowing that I have such a great support network here and I just want you all to know I will be eternally greatfull for the kindess and caring words from you all.

And hopefully in time when the days dont seem so dark and lonely and I can see myself heading of of this tunnel, I too will be able to give some words of comfort and support to someone else who may sadly find themselves where we are today.......

Thank you all so very much xxxx

 

[mushy1]

Hi Wilma...... you have been in my thoughts so much lately, all through those first few good days I couldnt stop thinking about you and how you where getting on and now in your horrible painful days I still find myself thinking about you lots and lots, I only wish I could do something to ease your pain. this forum has felt like having an extended family to me and I hope you feel the same knowing that all the lovely ladies that are writing to you are supporting you as much as they can ....like sisters.......hopefully the pain will ease a little soon and you can build your strength up. xxxxxxxxxx my thoughts are with you xxxxxxxxxxxxx