No Heartbeat, how can I help my wife

[andy]

I am hoping someone can give me some good advice as to how help my wife and what happens next.
Like some of the previous letters my wife has had two scans now as we just found out on New Years eve she was pregnant. We were told we could never have children after two IVF failure's and her cycle was very irregular due to her age 40 We setteled down to this.
So suddenly she is pregnant the bean is growing but no heartbeat. My wife has all the symptons sore breasts, tiredness going to the toilet during the night.

The Doctor has told us to come back next week for another echo but he thinks we should prepare for the worst. We think my wife is about 6-7 weeks along.

If he finds no hearbeat again what happens next to my wife. What can I do to help her as I feel a bit useless just now. Can an embryo grow with no heartbeat?
I am Scottish but live in Holland with my Dutch wife but I can not always make out what the doctor is saying so I would appreciate any advice.

 

[Rosebay]

Hi,

well I haven't been in this position myself but I think there's two things that could happen- firstly it could just be too early to hear the heartbeat- usually they wait until 6 weeks when the heart develops but if you're not sure of the dates then it could have been too early or it could just have been chance that they couldn't hear it. That's what I really hope has happened Secondly it could mean that sadly the pregnancy isn't viable and the baby isn't growing anymore. If this is what has happened then your wife might start to miscarry naturally but this doesn't always happen. I had what's called a "missed miscarriage" at 10 weeks which is when the pregnancy ends early on but your body continues being pregnant even though there's no baby to support. I had all the symptoms until 10 weeks when I started to lose blood etc but for some women it can go on longer than that- even 13 or 14 weeks which is very cruel. So usually if the pregnancy is no longer viable they will give you a choice of waiting for nature to miscarry naturally (but you can't exactly tell when this will be) or having a D & C which they put you out for with a general anesthetic and they remove the contents of the womb in a non-evasive procedure (usually done as a day case- out by the evening).

I really really hope that it's just that they haven't found the heartbeat yet. If not then please tell your wife that if you or her have any questions or just want to talk about it there are a lot of us here who can listen. It's a heartbreaking thing to happen and she'll need a lot of love and support although it sounds like she already has that

Hoping for the best for you both
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[babydust]

hi, andy

my answer is much the same as rosebay you said that your wifes cycle are all over the place so there is no way of knowing how many weeks she is, which in this case is a good thing, there is a big possability that its just too early to be able to see the heart beat.

the embryos heart beat is usually detected about 6 1/2 weeks but if your wifes cycle isnt regular or she has long cycles it might not be detected until later. when you go back in 2 weeks time if the pregnancy is viable you will see the heart beat and the embryo will have grown but if the pregnancy isnt viable the embryo will not have grown from todays scan.

as for how you can help her just be honest with her, my husband kept all his emotions in thinking it was better for me if he kept it together but all i wanted was to know how he was feeling

take care, good luck and keep us posted

 

[andy]

Dear all
thanks for the letters my wife and I found it really nice to hear from some people who have been through this before. We go tomorrow to the hospital for her echo again so we are keeping our fingers crossed but we know now what can happen so it makes it a little bit easier and not such a big shock.

I took your advice and told my wife how I felt and she found this helped her so thanks. She knows now from reading all the other letters that should the worst happen you can get through this although it is painfull.

She would like me to thank the people who take the time to write these letters as it makes her feel better and not alone during this time.
Thanks for the kind words

Andy & Marion

 

[lauramumof2]

Hi Andy,
I hope it goes well for you and your wife tomorrow

 

[A&J]

Good Luck for tomorrow, I hope it goes well for you both.

 

[Rosebay]

Good luck for tomorrow

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[Snuggle]

Best of luck for tomorrow

 

[NickyB]

Good luck for tomorrow, I hope the scan was just too early to pick up. Stay positive

 

[trixipaws]

i hope all goes well today

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Thinking of you both today hope it goes well.

 

[babydust]

i hope everything went well today

 

[babydust]

hi andy, i just wondered how you got on yesterday, i hope it was good news

 

[andy]

Dear All
I tried to post this earlier but I think I messed it up. We had bad news yesterday and Marion now has to go for a D@C in the local hospital on Monday. I am not to sure what that is but she is booked in the whole day.

We were gutted but at least we were a bit prepared but you always hope for that wee miricale. My wife would like me to thank you again for all the well wishes we recived she was a bit overwhelmed that people so far away could care and it helped her a lot.
I find it a bit hard at the moment to talk about this so I will keep it short.
We are looking at it as our wee bonus and that we almost had a chance. It still hurts but thanks to the kind words it makes it a bit easier.
Thanks again for the letters

Marion and Andy

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

hi Andy, I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. If she ever feels up to it there are lots of people on here who have had similar experiences. She wouldn't even have to post she could just read through some of the older posts.

A D&C is an operation where they remove the contents of the womb. I've never had experience of one but many of the ladies have and I'm sure they won't mind you asking questions. I don't know what to say but my heart goes out to you both. Take care of her it'll take some time to feel a little more normal.

 

[A&J]

Sorry about your loss

 

[Bagpuss17]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news.

Take care both of you

 

[Rosebay]

So sorry to hear that to you both.
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[mrsbrickelltobe]

so sorry for your loss
thinking of you both xxxx

 

[babydust]

i am really sorry, take care of each other
if your wife feels up to it this site is really good for support when going through something like this, it really helped me when i went through the same.