New guidelines & insensitive care

[Lozzaste]

Hello ladies

Did you all see the news articles yesterday on the new guidelines on treating miscarriages? My hubby recorded it for me and I've just watched it.

I would say its long overdue. A fine example is that I really was feeling better about everything and coping quite well by being positive and looking forwards. I had my recurrent miscarriage appointment today and the waiting room is shared with the ante natal clinic. Great, women in for their 20 week scans when I should have been just about the same if not for the miscarriage. Thanks for that.

I'm planning to feed that back because I fought the tears so hard I now have a disgustingly bad headache. We waited an HOUR in there to see the doctor with all the happy couples coming out clutching their scan pics (I say that but I did see one couple who looked just like my hubby and I did six weeks ago, I wanted to hug the poor girl, she was very tearful) Anyway, I finally saw the doctor and he told me a lot of what I already knew and ordered blood tests for day two or three of AF. I'm aware I'm out this month (BFN x 2) and I have some serious PMT going on This is the first time I'm willing AF to show so we can press on and get answers. I know we might not, but if there is something, I want to know.

Hope everyone is doing well and let's all hope that things do change and the heartbreak way too many of us have to experience is treated with the respect it deserves.

Xxx

 

[Katkin72]

Hi Lozzaste - I heard something mentioned briefly on the radio yesterday morning when I woke up but haven't heard any more since. I agree it's long overdue! When I had my 1st suspected mc and went to the EPU for my scan we were put in the waiting room full of happy pregnant women for over an hour - it was torture. When we were given the bad news we were taken into a side room for a bit of privacy, but then we had to walk out through the waiting area with everyone watching us. It was hell!!! I had the same experience when I went back for my 2nd scan and when I went for my pre op assessment (for my D&C) I will never forget how awful it made me feel. On my 2nd visit I saw a woman there on her own who had obviously just been given bad news, she looked so lost and scared. I wanted to go up and give her a hug but I was struggling with my own loss.
My mum actually contacted PALS as she was so upset by the whole experience and they were very supportive. They took her concerns to the staff on the ward and someone actually rang my mum and agreed with all her comments and thanked her for speaking out. She said there were a lot of issues that they were aware of that needed changing, and she would feed back my mums concerns in a meeting she was going to. I don't know if anything ever came of the meeting as I haven't been back since (my 2nd mc happened naturally).

I'm so sorry for your losses - sending you love and hugs xxxxx

 

[Harpy]

I hadn't heard/seen this no, but wish I did, and thankful that something is being done.

I can only echo that I had to go through the same with my MC, in that when I had my scan the following morning, I was still teary, walking from my room in my pjs (no notice to get dressed) and passing happy pregnant ladies. I probably gave them a fright when I screamed out at hearing the words 'the baby has gone'. I then had to find my way back to my room on my own blubbering crutching my stomach, again, passing happy pregnant ladies When I finally got back to my room I couldn't hold it in anymore

I had many insensitive episodes whilst I stayed in hospital, but can't write them here. One slightly funny thing did happen though (funny looking back now), was whilst I was in a&e being prodded and having a new line put in, and bloods taken, I was laying there shaking, and the doctor said 'at least he (other half) has bought you a present look..' I said, no, thats my baby! (we had him/her in a little box and little pretty bag!) Later we found out that wasn't my baby, just a very apt shaped and shadowed blood clot!

Lozzaste - I am sorry af might be around the corner, I did keep my fingers and toes crossed!

I am so encouraged by you all being so brave though xx

 

[Iwant3]

I have to admit that my hospital is very good in this respect. the EPU is just by the lifts and it is a stand alone room - not near the antenatel scanning place or wards - well it's close but you don't have to go near or through them to get there iyswim - you wait in a small room with only those also in your same predicament. at most another 3-4 couples for example. there is a small room you can got too straight after your appointment if it is bad news and speak to someone or be alone before you leave too. I spent 3 hours in there at the beginning of last month and although obviously not a nice experience - I felt we were treated with respect and understanding for what was going on. I talked to a lady sitting next to me on my last appointment who had just miscarried at the same stage as me within a few days of me - so we found a lot of comfort talking to each other - knowing exactly what each other was going through.

I know not all hospitals are like this though and it is terrible - it;s like in the 1940s when my poor grandmother gave birth to still born twins and was then put in a ward with all the ladies with their newborn babies! didn't think that kind of thing happened these days!

 

[lizsamuel80]

OMG! Having to walk out into that room would have been horrible. When I had my scan to see what the bleeding was all about during my second MC we found the baby had no HB they took me out the back door. When I went for a follow up scan I was booked into a different clinic same street just a few doors down that deals with Kidney and heart ultrasounds so no pregnant women anywhere to be seen.

 

[Katkin72]

It was a heartbreaking experience that could have been handled so much better. It's so sad to hear how many other women have had to go through the same experiences Sending love & hugs to everyone who has also gone through this terrible loss xxx

 

[Lozzaste]

It's a joke how badly we are treated. I can't tell you all how strongly I feel about it.
I should have been 38 weeks pregnant, I also should have been 19 weeks. I am neither.
I was doing just fine until I was put in that bloody waiting room for an hour. Because of that I worked out how many weeks I would have been (I had stopped myself doing that) and I fought so hard to stop the tears whilst there that I have not stopped crying since I got back. That's why I'm angry. I really didn't need that.

 

[Katkin72]

Aww Lozzaste I'm so sorry, it really sucks doesn't it. I try not to work out how many weeks I would be now, it's too painful xxx

 

[Jaxx01]

I had the same cold hearted sonography for both my confirmation scans if my MCS

She literally said 'sorry there's no heartbeat, can you hi and sit next door' again walking through the waiting room with other pregnant ladies!! It is so sad and so impersonal xx

 

[Lozzaste]

I feel so strongly I'm going to do something!
In other news, 5 weeks after my miscarriage I think I just got two BFPs?!?

 

[Harpy]

I feel so strongly I'm going to do something!
In other news, 5 weeks after my miscarriage I think I just got two BFPs?!?

Really!?!?!!? Woohoo.. can I uncross my fingers now, as its hard to type! lol

Whatever you are planning on doing about it, I would be happy to do the same from my end. I was treated fine as a patient whilst in hospital, but not for the reason I was in there, but can't think what I can do besides write a letter and tell them about it.

 

[Nicnax]

Sadly, this seems to be the norm- we came out from our 12 week scan, & sat in the waiting room waiting for our blood tests, next to a very distressed couple, that had obviously been given very bad news. There were three couples with scan pictures, & I felt distraught for the couple who were in tears. It was completely wrong for any of us to have been put in that situation- hospitals need to remember that any loss of a baby, early or late on in pregnancy, is the loss of a family member for those involved, & should not be treated trivially.

A friend who suffered a loss last year, & had a D&C was wheeled down for a follow up scan in a gown, & with a drip in her arm to the normal ultrasound unit, & left alone! She ahs also recently been sent for counselling, which she has stopped going to, as it shared the waiting room with an early years centre!

xxx

 

[Lozzaste]

I am having a think about how we address this. Perhaps a letter to 10 Downing Street? It really really annoys me that we are treated in this way. A prime example is that I called the EPU this morning regarding my suspected BFP and guess what? It's closed on Fridays! Ridiculous.

 

[Harpy]

A letter to 10 downing street.. not sure it would get through the first in tray, but don't see why we can't try! There must be some kind of ombudsman thing for this??

 

[Lozzaste]

I will see what I can find. There was some politician woman on TV talking about it, she might be a good place to start x

 

[Harpy]

Yep, I will get on it over the weekend and see what i can come up with too xx

I will see what I can find. There was some politician woman on TV talking about it, she might be a good place to start x

 

[laurat]

I too had this horrific experience with my mc and I firmly agree with you Lozzate it is a disgrace to have to be surrounded by pregnant wonen when you have gone through such a truely horrific experience. I had to continue to sit with fully pregnant happy folk through all my fertility appointments as well. You feel this intense pressure to be sitting there not knowing if you will ever have children surrounded by happy couples with scan photos. I dont blame the happy people but dont need to be around them! Ill keep reading to see what you are doing.

 

[itisbabytime]

I read some of ther articles in the press and it just shocks me that they need these staff to go on 'berevment and sensitivity training'. Don't these people who when applying or deciding on this career path realise that it is a CARE role. I do think part of it is that thry will become hardened to it but that is no excuse.

I was lucky, I had my loss and was dealt with exclusively by the EPU which was accessed by a side door so no bumps. The scanning room was specifically for the EPU and had its own scanning technician. However my EPU was supported and financially assisted by Standard Life so obviously the hospital had the money to make sure it is as private and nurturing as possible.

Its not like mc's are rare, they happen every day, every hour. A change needs to be made and hopefully this is it.

 

[faireunepipi]

Hi everyone!
I also go on the miscarriage association website and I found this link;
http://publications.nice.org.uk/ectopic-pregnancy-and-miscarriage-cg154
Thought it might be of interest? my experience in hospital was appealing and it has haunted me and for myself it's been very hard to get over emotionally. For me this is a very important step. You can download the PDF version of this document also.
Sending (((hugs))) to you all
Nicola x x x

 

[JJ Mum]

I agree somethign needs to be done, haven't heard about the rules chaging, that would be good. I had to sit and wait with the pregnant ladies too for my EPU appointment, while worrying, and then after I had my bad news at scan , I was 12 weeks at the time, I came out of the room in floods of tears, and of course had to go to loo for full bladder and tissues, and it was right behind the other scanning waiting seats, there were four couples there and I could hear them, so they could hear me sobbing in loo, trying to get a bit of privacy! Then I had to come out, they looked shocked and didn;t know where to look, I had to walk down the coridoor , where they then called me into a private room to chat about my options, but it was already awful.. My poor hubby was standing there facing them waiting for me the whole time, mu9st have been horrible too