Natural or managed?

[J_Anne]

I'm very sad to be joining you ladies. By my dates, I was 12 weeks pregnant today but started spotting a couple of days ago. Had a scan at EPU today to find our baby had stopped developing at 7+2.

They've given me the 3 options so I'm hoping for some of your experiences if possible. I am blessed with a 15 month old daughter so I feel anxious at the thought of letting things happen naturally as its unpredictable. I just don't know what to do for the best. I'm grateful for any advice xxx

 

[scn]

So sorry for your loss xx
I've had two natural mc both at 5 weeks which was just like a heavy period with cramping a bit worse than usual. I've had a medical managed mc at 14 weeks, the baby died at 13 weeks, I've got to be honest with you here, it was a very traumatic experience, they basically induced me and I went into labour and delivered, the placenta retained and I had to go for an ERPC afterwards, was in hospital for around 30 hours all in. I've also had a surgically managed mc at 9 weeks, the baby died at 7 weeks. This was a very quick and physically painless option and would opt for this every time, light bleeding for a couple of days afterwards and then physically back to normal, in hospital for around 6 hours all in.
Sorry if it's more info than you wanted every experience is different for different people though and you should do whatever you feel you can cope with the best. None of the options are 'nice' but for me I would just want it to be over as quickly and painlessly as possible and I believe the surgically managed option provides this.

 

[J_Anne]

Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry to hear of all your losses, thank you for sharing your experiences.
I am leaning more towards surgery as I fear, as you say it could be drawn out and traumatic and I worry more for my husband.

Xx

 

[Clementine]

Hi J-Anne, I'm really sorry you have lost your little baby, I have had two Missed Miscarriages, the first time I found out I was 11weeks and baby passed between week 6 and 8. Second time I was expecting non-identical twins they had heartbeats at 8 weeks but had no heartbeats at my 10 week scan. I'm based in Ireland and normally the D&C/ERPC is the recommended route. I had never been to hospital so was worried about the General Anaesthetic however thankfully with both my D&C's all went smoothly, I had no pain and only light spotting for about a week. Everyone was sympathetic it's tough emotionally but with time you cope, I preferred the D&C route as the consultant had recommended it as he said you can have a lot more pregnancy related tissue at 11 weeks so it could be more traumatic at home. Each person is different so do what feels best for you and your family. Take care xx

 

[tell92787]

I would go for managed.. i had a mc 9 weeks.. Worst experience of my life, i wish i had went for managed vit i didnt realise how hard it would be to pass the baby.. I wish someone had told me, i took the tablets on the saturday and had pains all day but nothing came.. went to a&e.. Didnt happen till the wednesday when i had a d&c booked for the friday.. Everyones different im sure but emotionally it was also too hard for.me when i passed the baby xx

 

[laurat]

Im sorry for your loss! I had a mc at 7 and a half weeks and it was like a heavy period. It was a little painful too. Do what your gut tells you I think. Good luck with whatever way you decide to go. Take care! Xxx

 

[Hopeful75]

Hi J Anne. So sorry for your loss. It's a really traumatic time so I hope you have lots of support from oh and family.
I've had the whole lot unfortunately- early natural mc at 5weeks and 3mmc. One I opted for medical management which was traumatic (24hours in hospital, passing out from blood loss etc), one was erpc which was over quickly, the third I opted for erpc but surgery was delayed after being given pessaries (like in medical) so passed everything (I was on aspirin that pregnancy which may have speeded things up). I hope I never have to go through any again, but I would always opt for erpc if I had to, but it is a personal choice. Good luck with whichever method you choose.

 

[J_Anne]

Thank you for all your replies, I am really grateful for your honesty, it's helped so much. I've decided to go for the erpc, so I'm going in this morning to have bloods taken etc. xxxx

 

[wifeywifey]

Im sorry for your loss hun its a hard thing to go through. If I ever have to go through it again id choose medical too in my experience its far less risky. X

 

[tell92787]

Hope it goes ok for you.. i wish someone was able to tell me to go for the surgery! I think it is a better option.. Xx

 

[J_Anne]

Thank you, I am so pleased I asked you ladies because my initial thought was to avoid surgery. I'm booked in for Saturday morning. I really don't know how I'm supposed to be feeling, sometimes I just can't stop crying, others ill be playing with my daughter like nothing has happened but then I instantly feel guilty. Then I feel heartless if even for a second I think of it as "one of those things" rather than as my baby. But it doesn't hurt as much if I take the practical view.

Sorry for rambling. Hubby is at work all day so feeling like I need to shout!xx

 

[tell92787]

I thought i would go for the natural way too.. I think everyones different and it probably depends on how far on you are but to be at home with little pain relief.. And then tp be left feelig numb and empty. i cried uncontrollably for the first couple of weeks it
will get better xx

 

[mummy78]

im having medical management a week Sunday! Unless it happens before, right now my body has no idea, ive had surgery for a previous mc n ectopic, but i came round uncontrollably coughing n had headaches for weeks, really hoping its straight forward, im the same in that im trying to be myself with my LO hes 2.. I hope your procedure goes smoothly. Hugs xxx

 

[J_Anne]

Thank you, I'm sorry to hear of your losses, I hope things go smoothly for you too. My bleeding is getting a bit heavier now so I'm quite worried it may happen before. Xx

 

[Clementine]

Hi J-Anne, I hope you are ok, could you go into today rather than waiting until tomorrow. It's very different in Ireland 4 to 5 days is the maximum we wait, normally they take you in the next day. Sending you a big hug x

 

[J_Anne]

I was originally supposed to go today but when I went for the pre op they changed it to Saturday. I had a feeling at the time she was hoping it would happen before then as she kept going over what to do if I was at home. I suppose its cheaper for them that way...! I'm getting ready to take my daughter to her singing group before she goes to Granny's for a sleepover, so plenty to keep me busy today!xx

 

[SadSummer]

Hi, sadly I'm going through something very similar & I really feel your pain. I went for a scan at 12 weeks (three days ago) after a tiny bit of spotting to find that the baby was far smaller than it should be & had no heartbeat - They are pretty sure it's a missed miscarriage.

I came home with leaflets about my options & have another scan on Tuesday to check nothing has changed. This is my first pregnancy & I can't believe that so many of us enter that scanning room excited, only to leave moments later feeling so distraught & broken. The last thing I've wanted to do was even think about what to do next but after a couple of days to process this devastating news, today I felt more ready to read about the different options & other women's experiences.

From what I've read, I think if things haven't happened naturally by Tuesday, I would like to go under general anaesthetic & have "surgical management" as my leaflet so sympathetically puts it. I've never been put under before & I planned to give birth as naturally as possible... But I'm desperate for this heartbreaking limbo to be over, although I'm absolutely terrified about the procedure. My thoughts are with you & I think that there is no right or wrong choice at a time like this- it is whatever feels right for you. Take care of yourself, let us know how you are & thank you for starting this post as it's helped me so much at this hideous time.

 

[J_Anne]

Hi hun, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same. Do you mind me asking how many weeks they have measured your baby at? I read somewhere yesterday that it will start to shrink once the heart has stopped and I don't know if this is true. Not that I suppose it matters when it happened. They asked if I could have my dates wrong, which I definitely couldn't so they haven't offered another scan.

If you want to chat anytime, message me. I won't be any help I'm sure but you are welcome to vent! My thoughts are with you xxx

 

[SadSummer]

They didn't tell me how many weeks the baby was measuring, but they did ask if I could of got my dates wrong, which I think is pretty unlikely as I had my first positive test about 9 weeks ago.. And it said 5+ weeks then (although I know this only goes on your hormones).

I think what you said about the baby shrinking is true, I read somewhere that it shrinks at the same rate it should of been growing.. But I'm not entirely sure. I'm hoping to get some more answers at my scan on Tuesday.. Part of me keeps thinking that maybe something miraculous will happen.. But on my letter they have written the words "missed miscarriage" so I'm pretty sure that is the case.

What a horrible position we find ourselves in... I've been spotting on & off for a few days so I'm not sure if it will progress on its own before I get back to hospital for the scan. To be honest I think the second scan may have been booked as they possibly thought I'd miscarry naturally before then.

I spoke to someone on the phone earlier who said I might have to wait another week after the scan before I get the operation.. I really don't want to be waiting that long for this to be over , physically at least. Thinking of you too! Xxx

 

[LynneK]

Hi girls I'm so sorry to be reading about your losses....I recently suffered my own when I found out at 8+3 baby had stopped developing around 6wks. The girls on the forum have been amazing.

I opted for surgical management in the form of a D&C and it was quick and painless (I had a general and was under for approx 10mins!). The mental and emotional pain is so much worse and something I didn't prepare for at all!

Good luck to u both xx