My OH

[Kim]

This would maybe be better in the relationships section but I don't know if many people look at it, and it is to do with parenting as it's been worse since Rubie was born. My problem is with my OH. Everything I do or say is wrong. He has no interest in spending any time with me and basically either ignores me or snaps at me. I have to watch everything I do and say incase it sets him off. Honstly it's over the silliest little things like what I want to tape on TV or if I hang the washing on the line wrong. It's got to the point now where he can't even speak to me without a sly dig, an insult or starting an argument. I'm sure Rubie is picking up on it as she is always moaning at home but cheers up when I take her out (which I do a lot recently to get away). I have tried talking to him but it made things worse as he just went on about what a bad person I am and refused to forget it and make up. If I get upset he says I'm depressed and that's why I cause arguments!!! What on earth has gone wrong? He says he still loves me but it's as if I just irritate him and I don't know why

 

[bubble_dreamer]

Kim i cant offer you any advice - tbh if i did i would be a complete hypocrite (wobbles will know what i mean)

i just wanted to give you a hug xxxxxx

 

[Kim]

thank you

 

[hearts81]

Hiya hun. I'm so glad you posted this as I'm having EXACTLY the same problem. Whatever OH says goes at the moment no matter what. I'm forever walking on eggshells about what I say to him cos if I say something wrong he'll go in a pap and not speak to me until I say sorry. This can go on for days The last thing we fell out about was 3 days ago when I joked that he was a bit pappy I've been sucking up to him ever since and now he's forgiven me. (i'm supposed to feel very grateful at the moment!)

I'm dying to have a normal conversation with him but every reply comes with a sarcastic voice. So I give an even sarcasticer reply to his and I get fell out with because "I'm being funny"!!!? Yet when I try and tell him he was being funny first he says that he wasn't and I'm a bitch

People say that having a baby brings couples closer but I can honestly say I've never felt more alone and I dont love OH as much as I used to, if at all.

 

[Dee1985]

im the opposit way round here every thing you are saying your OH do to you im doing to mine. i dont no why but i flip so often he is so scared i see him panic when im around alot of mine is to do with jelousy if he dont answer his phone on time he knows il go mad. i hate the way i am with him hes my world i hate hurting him ild do any thing to change

my ex partner used to treat me like yours kim and in the end i was a nervous wreak got to the stage i didnt want to talk incase i said some thing wrong its not nice i donmt no wat to say. but you dont deserve it

 

[Urchin]

Aww Kim

If he won't listen to you, have you thought about writing it down in a letter? You can take the time to make sure you say everything you need to in the right way.

Maybe there is something underlying with him that he's taking out on you, are there problems at work or in his family?

 

[Tara & Liam]

kim and hearts, can i just ask, did you work before having your beautiful babies. if you did maybe they are both finding it a strain being the wage earner, maybe they dont want to tell you about the financial strain.

maybe (now this is quite a common problem) they are jealous of your babies, ie in the amount of time you spend with them. before your babies were born you and your partners were everything to each other, then this other beautiful little one comes along and takes a majority of your time.

i probably am completely wrong but i just thought that i would say what i think. hope it has helped even a tiny bit.

x

 

[Layla]

Kim

sdorry hun, i dont know what to say to make things any better, but wanted to give you a hug

xxx

 

Oh Kim
I don't know what to say babe I hope it gets sorted soon, thinking of you though xxx

 

[stephlw25]

aww hun dont know what to advise really just want to send a hug....

will chat with you on msn soon xxx

 

[Em78]

HUn i know this sounds harsh but i would get it sorted asap. i would just say to him that whatever the problem is it needs sorting out now. from the sounds of it you are avoiding a confrontation cos you dont know what it will bring - but hun this cant go on can it?


it sounds to me that he is doing it because he can. i think you need to snap him out of it by doing what he doesnt expect, standing up to his childish behavoir. if it causes a row then maybe thats what it needs. he needs to know that you are not going to be treated like that anymore.

good luck hun


sorry just editing to give a hug too - hope it didnt sound too mean but i really want you to out your foot down hun - you dont deserve this treatment
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Strangeness]

I don't mean to be harsh about this but this is what my dad was like as I was growing up. It's mental abuse and it might be little things just now but it will get worse if you can't get him to talk about it now. You need to find out what the problem is before your baby is older and knows what's going on. My dad treated my mum like crap to be honest, he never hit her but I guess it was worse than being hit because you can't prove to someone you're being abused if there are no marks. My dad treated his children like dirt and most of us don't speak to him anymore because of the way he is. He doesn't even know I am married and had his first grandchild. He did so many things to us as a family and we all grew up walking on eggshells! If my mum didn't have his dinner on the table when he decided to walk through the door she was useless and he just belittled her until all her confidence was gone. You seriously don't need your gorgeous girl to grow up around this, tell him to buck his ideas up or you're gone. Try to be strong hun. Am thinking of you and your little girl

 

[Lauz_1601]

I can be a bit like your OH sometimes I was moaning that he hadnt put the washing on the maiden properly, but thats becuase he's thrown it on all ontop of eachother so it would never have dried, just becuase he was in a mood that I wouldnt do it, expects me to do housework all the time!

Anyway, I think that Davina rasied a good point? It may not be the reason but it possibly could be?? In that case it would be a good idea to be open and discuss your feeling with him. I know its not always easy and can end in an arguement but its better than keeping it locked up driving you mad!

 

[Kim]

Thanks for all the lovely replies. I talked to him today and mentioned all of the things that were suggested. He said it's because I expect too much from him. That when he comes in from work he wants to have his lunch and get showered, but I expect him to take over Rubie. This is true to an extent, but it's not every day and not as bad as he makes out. He doesn't realise what it's like to have her for more than an hour because he never has. When I've been stuck in with her all day and she has been a grump, of course when he walks through the door I immediately think "woohoo break!!"

 

[Urchin]

Glad you got to the root of it Kim
I know it'll take work from both of you but hopefully you can reach a compromise now you know what the problem is

Good luck hun


xxxxx

 

[Kim]

Thanks Urchin

 

[Duds]

Hi ya Kim,

Have only just seen this so am a bit late, glad you had a chat & hope you are sorting things out. Must admit I act like your OH sometimes & do it sometimes cause I know I can get away with it
I shouldnt be advising on relationships at the mo as im trying to get my own back on track with a struggle... but we are getting there I think.

Know excatly what you mean with the spent all day with a grumpy baby and wanting to hand over thing.. my DH never understood either until this week when he has had to look after aimee because i have been at work & I came home to see him more knackered and worn out than he's ever been. the first thing he said to me was "i dont know how you do it" !

Must admit this gave me agreat amount of satisfaction !

 

[nicki]

Just wanted to send you a and glad that you know what the problem is. Relationships are so hard at times but do keep talking to each other.

Men don't understand at all how tough it it looking after a baby all day long. Jamie has been a right grump today so most of it I let my DH deal with & told him Jamie is quite often like that while he's at work & then wonders why i'm in a mood with a splitting headache when he gets home & I look forward to feeling free for a while. I thinks he's starting to get the message

 

[Yvonne]

Come and live at mine Kim!

 

[emilia]

A big hug for you Kim!

Reading what most of the girls are saying - it would seem that most of our DHs' are alike. My DH and I have the occassional power struggle. I think my DH can be a little bit selfish when it comes to watching the rugby/football/cricket.

We should ditch the babies with them for a weekend and all join up for a weekend away!!! Stress free!

Hope things improve.... keep talking if pos.

Emilia xx