My husband ignored my cries

[Applepie]

Exactly. So it's not safe to use in babies under 7 months.

 

[Emily0505]

Why do people who disagree with cc have to provide scientific facts and research to back up their opinion when all people who agree with cc have to produce is the old "i did it with my child and he's fine"argument?

Nobody HAS to post any thing to prove their point. However if people are going to post links (as Kumber chose to) then to support the viewpoint, fact is much better then purely provocative and inflammatory UN factual information.

Quite frankly how any of you choose to parent is your choice and I respect that. I wouldn't use CC on my child but do you see me arguing with those that do? Do you see me accusing them of damaging their children? Nope.

Having a difference of opinion is not the problem, it's how it's put across that's the problem.

XX

 

[Emily0505]

Exactly. So it's not safe to use in babies under 7 months.

It hasn't been proven safe or unsafe accordingly to that one article.

XX

 

[Applepie]

No that is not what the article states. It can't be generalised to infants under seven months.

Eta this article was in response to another user stating the nhs recommeds cc. When it clearly doesn't recommend it in under 7 months (which is what kumber stated in her post)

 

[Applepie]

It definitely is having a difference in opinion which is the problem. That's quite obvious.

 

[Coletteypie]

Admin have already stepped in twice recently to close down threads/ban members over flaming on this exact topic. And this thread is exactly another example of that. I really don't understand the need for it.

I too have never used CC. However I just don't get people's need to condemn other parent's techniques. As others have said - state your advice without the nasty criticism. What's the old bible quote - let he (or in this case she) without sin cast the first stone.

And that 'article' didn't just relate to cc. It pretty much compares disciplining your children with domestic abuse!

 

[Coletteypie]

Also is it just me or does applepie remind anyone of babysky!? Even rhymes

 

[JD.Deedee]

To be fair, I find the replying of some who seem to get ticket off by this quite childish too.. My mama always told me, just to ignore it.

 

[russellmuscle]

Im pretty sure her account/and IP was completely blocked as she made a baby3sky..

Tbf, this subject ALWAYS starts a war, Id be very wary of doing a thread and even mentioning CC.

xxxx

 

[TORino]

Consider this.. A mother is at her wits end. Her relationship is breaking down with her husband due to lack of sleep. She is irritable during the day and is close to falling asleep when she is supposed to be looking after the infant as she is so sleep deprived. She is trying to do the best for her child and family and so visits the gp/health visitor who tells her to try this technique if she can no longer cope.

She doesn't relish the opportunity to sit and listen to her baby cry in the night for even 10 mins but it is what she has been advised by health professionals as a course of action to help the situation. She is desperate for some sleep to be a better parent and the child is all out of sorts as he is waking in the night multiple times.

So she tries this out and comes on here for some moral support to be met with a backlash of.. Don't do it, you are damaging your child, it's cruel, I wouldn't dream of doing it, liking it to domestic abuse etc because folk have read things on the internet about it being harmful. Note, there will be a piece of research out there to support most (within reason) lifestyle and parenting choices if you look hard enough. Do mothers who refuse this method need affirmation that they are doing the right thing? Probably not.. But those who do choose to do it on the basis they have been advised by health professionals probably will. They will need some support as it is presumably a very difficult thing to do as a mother and they are probably desperate.
So in light of that.. Do you think it is your duty to post your opinion in a strong way on why a person shouldn't do it? There are women out there that aren't mentally strong enough to ignore what you say and will end up confused and guilty or worse. But that's ok because you've protected that little innocent baby from being subject to what you perceive to be cruelty right?
Is it not better to say nothing?

 

[kumber]

<snipped>

This article is just so negative and depressing. Did it really need to be posted? Could you not let people know your alternative way to helping a child to sleep instead? I'm sure it would be appreciated as I'm sure CC is not anyone's first port of call?

I have, in fact, done this on numerous occasions in other threads.


To TORino, unknowingly you've said something hilariously ironic. No one I know is a bigger fan of NHS guidelines than I and my mother is a health visitor and paediatric nurse so I actually generally follow the NHS like the Bible. As has already been quoted, CC is NOT recommended under 7 months and I'm amazing when some hv DO recommend it under 7 months because there isn't enough research out there to state whether or not it does harm. In my view, it is not worth risking there being harm.

I have never, nor will ever, judge a parent for using CC. I think the technique is wrong and there should be more education on when and how to use it successfully (focusing particularly on it only being appropriate for older babies who are developed enough to understand).

I posted the article because, regardless of spelling or grammar, it highlighted to me how this practice wouldn't be accepted if it was done to adult, yet is readily accepted when doing it to a baby. There are varying degrees of the technique and at no point have I said anybody on this forum would do this extreme level but it can happen and that use of the technique is wrong.

Perhaps we should all take a step back and be a little less sensitive. It's a forum, not judge and jury.

 

[Emily0505]

I think that if you need to post a disclaimer at the start of your thread, then you are obviously fully aware that it is inflammatory. There is nothing useful in the thread- no useful information for anyone considering the use of controlled crying to help them make an informed decision. All it does is give the impression that cc, time out steps and other forms of discipline are cruel. It's unhelpful. Why not post something like:

"Just wanted to share my experience of sleep training my son/ daughter.

We chose to use the gradual retreat/ immediate return/ pick up put down/ whatever method.

To do this we did A,B,C. If baby did X, we did Y and Z and so on.

There are obviously lots of different methods to help babies with their sleep but we found this worked really well for us and upheld our own personal values and parenting choices.

It's so hard when you have a little one who won't sleep. Good luck to anyone going through it and hope this helps "

XX

 

[TORino]

I know it's not recommended under 7 months, I never said it was. I said it was reccomended as I have heard a HV and a consultant and a GP advise someone to do it. It is still on the website as advice.

The age specification is a recent development in the guidance. If it was deemed really terrible and cruel and damaging would this not have been the opportunity to remove that advice completely then?

If you follow the NHS advice as you say why are you so pertinaciously set on posting counter advice to influence desperate mothers?

 

[MrsP42]

Just to put in my pennys worth:

My DD1 was bottle fed formula and is one of the healthiest babies I know and has been less "ill" than some of her breastfed counterparts. I also have it on midwife authority that immune system goodness goes over in colostrum after that it is just milk as body temperature.

Second if I was happy DD was dry, fed, clean, warm/cool enough and comfortable and had had lots of cuddles and attention I would let her cry it out....she sleeps like a dream and doesn't need to be cuddled or soothed to sleep every night again unlike others who couldn't get their children to sleep unless they were in their arms and then complained they couldn't get anything done....

 

[ml600]

What I don't understand is why people who voice an opinion on something, in whether it's emotive or not, get shot down?

If I posted about weaning early, id get loads of responses giving advice about how to do it from like minded people with a similar experience to me.
If I post something that states I'm against a particular method, I'd get hurls of abuse thrown my way.

Yes people use CC. The OP hasn't stated that these people are wrong or bad mothers. She is simply sharing something she read and found interesting, and posted it for other like minded people. Why is that so wrong?

It's clear what the article is about. If it's going to upset you, don't read it.

I'd also like to add that the article demonstrates a very harsh method of CC. Leaving them to scream until their throat hurt so they couldn't cry anymore? I pray nobody here would do that.

 

[Emily0505]

If you posted about early weaning you'd get shot down for damaging your babies digestive system for giving them food before it was ready for it!

I'm just peeved that something so obviously inflammatory was posted and for what means?

I'm all for giving opinions but what purpose did this serve?

And like I say, if you feel the need to put a disclaimer at the start telling everyone that it wasn't designed to cause an argument, then you obviously know that what you are posting is going to piss people off.

XX

 

[redbear]

This article is talking about an older child, a baby doesnt leave their tea and then want more food, three year olds play that game.
You also dont sit babies on thinking spot or the step.
Am i missing something or is you guys 3 years olds not able to have a kiss cuddle and go to sleep? If she wants something she speaks at that age, she will go to the top of the stairs and tell me whats wrong. And she is old enough to understand an explanantion of why its bed time and why i wont be coming up again (after the 4th or whatever time of going up).

And no she doesnt get snacks if she left her tea, i make healthy meals if i fed her rubbish everytime she left her tea she would do it everyday.

Send me to bad mum camp hahahahaha xx

 

[JD.Deedee]

Why do people use the breastfeeding argument.. Like it's a plain fact that breast milk is live and tailors itself to babies needs whereas formula does not.. I failed breastfeeding at 6 weeks ish and I never argued these facts.. It's not that hard to keep facts in the back of your mind but doing whatever works best for you..

I think we think about crying it out when there's talk about controlled crying and it seems to me by reading people who have implemented it that that is what they do controlled crying not crying it out...

 

[ShowingPromise]

What the article highlights to me, poorly spelt and punctuated or not, is that the baby is often blamed for lack of sleep and his or hers feelings aren't taken into account. It seems to come as a surprise to some that it's hard work and you don't get much sleep when you have a baby... People choose to have a baby then when it gets tough they decide to leave them to cry. It's just not fair to the child in my opinion.
Only recently my lo went from peacefully sleeping through to waking every 45 mins and I had varying responses from other mums I know, from being told he's testing me (at 4.5 months??!! How has he learnt to do that!) to oh you should try cc... Needless to say I didn't, he was cuddled when he wanted it and fed when he wanted it. It was horrible but he's now back to his old self. It seems that cc is becoming the go to answer when a good nights sleep is needed.
I don't really see how ff and cc can be compared, I have to feed my baby somehow, I don't have to do cc.

 

[Applepie]

I honestly think showingpromise has got to the crux of it all. The babies feelings and needs are more important imo.