My ectopic journey... Pictures included

[WishingHoping]

I wanted to post this for myself & for any other women who may ever go through an ectopic in the future & don't know what to expect.

Yes, it is scary & yes it is sad but I promise you will come out the other side wondering how you were ever this strong & you will be okay.

Yes you will cry ALOT you will feel pregnant for a while after & you will also feel suddenly very empty at the same time. You will be okay.

Yes you will laugh again. You may feel like you don't want too or you won't but you will. You will be okay.

Yes it will hurt. You will struggle to walk, to wash, to travel, to sleep, to sneeze, to cough but it will get better. You will be okay.

Yes it will be difficult to want to be intimate again. You will be scared, scared it will hurt; scared it wil happen again & just scared in general. You will be okay.

I had keyhole surgery to remove my ectopic & my left Fallopian tube. I bled 6days later with a miscarriage of the twin.

Signs of ectopic :- lower back ache on one side, cramps on the same side, bleeding. That is about it. Most people don't recognise these signs of ectopic and it may not always be the case the pregnancy is ectopic.

My photos show me in surgery & the ectopic scan. It's not very clear.

If anyone who ever goes through this in the future & ever wants advice please ask; I didn't know anyone who went through this so having someone who has been through it is the best thing to help you heal.

Xx

 

[WishingHoping]

Scan - I know you can't see much x

 

[WishingHoping]

Write up x

 

[WishingHoping]

Surgery time

 

[WishingHoping]

My baby bloat after surgery

 

[WishingHoping]

My keyhole point!

 

[WishingHoping]

Healing x

 

[WishingHoping]

Yes that is my pubic bone - sorry ladies!!

 

[WishingHoping]

The scan after they told me I was miscarrying... Sac was teeny & getting smaller

 

[JJ Mum]

Thank ypu for sharing your journey, hope it helps any ladies who sadley have to go througth what you have xx

 

[CharlotteH24]

I can't imagine what you went through, I know I've said this on your previous posts. I'm glad you and your OH are trying again though, try not to put any pressure on yourselves though, it'll happen when it's supposed to. Those wounds are very neatly closed by the way, glad that you've recovered so quickly and are physically and emotionally able to TTC again.
Hopefully you'll get another positive test soon and that little baby will have a big brother and/or sister to look over it. It's not about forgetting, it's about living your life even if you're hurting. It was an unfortunate event which left a lot of pain but what kind of life would it be if you let fear stop you from going through life?
Good luck with TTC and I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy WHEN you fall pregnant again. You're a very strong and brave woman to jump back on the TTC bus so soon. Unfortunately I'll probably be just about to TTC when you're pregnant again but I'll look out for your next BFP post! Xxx

 

[WishingHoping]

Hi darling thankyou for the kinds words.

How are you doing? Please let us know how you get on tomorrow.

Positive thinking xx

 

[CharlotteH24]

I'm okay ish. My OH has taken the scan photos away from me because every time I look at them I just obsess over what are thought to be cysts and I just end up really upset again.
I'm still trying to do every thing as if I have a healthy pregnancy but I find myself wanting more caffeine, wanting sugar and wanting a rare steak because they're things which will lift my mood. I'm trying not to cave but knowing things aren't looking promising is making it incredibly difficult because all I think is "what's the point? I can't do anything about it now." It sounds awful, I give myself a reality check straight after but occasionally my mindset goes straight back to that.
We're going out for a meal tonight with OH's friends, it's been booked for weeks for one of their birthdays so can't really cancel without telling them. One of them has an 18 month little boy and OH had to outright ask whether they were bringing him because I flat out refused to go if they brought their son. Thankfully they had a babysitter organised but even OH said he wasn't going if the LO is there. It's just too raw right now to knowingly put ourselves around the same table as a baby and act like all is fine. I know there's a tiny chance of it being fine, I haven't had any type of symptom that it comes in hand with. Not just physical symptoms like hypermesis gravidarum or miscarriage type cramps but I've had low BP rather than high and I've got a higher than average iron count rather than low. The only thing which points to it is the poor quality placenta and and the small pockets of fluid around the placenta and baby. I'm holding on to that being my saving grace right now but I know it's a very slim chance in the back if my mind.

Hopefully tomorrow will shed some light, my OH has told work that I'm not coming in this week because (if it's bad news) we aren't sure whether we'll need the ERPC this week or whether I won't be booked in until the week after. I imagine they'll fast track me up the list to have it as it's classed as an emergency. I think the being in limbo and knowing I still have to act pregnant on the slim off chance is what's making it even more heart breaking. It's not like I can sit on the sofa and eat a gallon of ice cream or drink loads of fizzy drinks and generally comfort eat.

If it is bad news then I'll be going back to college in September before beginning my degree in midwifery in 2016 as was planned before hand. We'll be back to finding a house to buy rather than rent as before and OH is starting his management NVQ's again and potentially go and finish his degree. I'll also be able to have my horse to myself for at least another year so there are some positives even if we get bad news. None of that really replaces the loss though, it just puts us in a better position for when we aren't so scared to try again. His mother is going to get a slap if she isn't careful, after we told her the news and how there's a 5% chance that I'll need chemo she decides to moan at us for being irresponsible and saying that it's out own fault. I don't think there's more of an inappropriate time to be saying that, fair enough trying to moan if it was all healthy and fine but saying it when we're gearing up to lose our baby or after we have lost it is so inappropriate and damn insensitive. As far as his parents know it was unplanned, purely because we know they'd moan at how we're in our early 20's and we should have a degree and be at the top of the ladder before having kids. Basically we should be 40 before having our first! My OH just told her that he doesn't have time to listen to her judgemental attitude and that she either comes tomorrow to support us but keeps her mouth shut or she can stay at home. She tried to pass her judgement again, saying we're kids and we need to grow up before my OH just walked out and told her where to stick her opinion.
My mum has come round more since yesterday, she called me today and offered to come again and apologised for seeming so uninterested. My aunt is coming now anyway so I told her not to worry, at least she realised how she came across though.

Thank you, trying to think positive thoughts. It gets tricky at times though! Xxx

 

[WishingHoping]

I don't think people will ever be ready for a baby; im only 24 this year and my OH will be 35 we have our own house & full time jobs etc but we don't drive (live in london so don't need too) & I am still studying my AAT diploma. There is never a right time for anything but I think parents just want the best for us & sometimes that comes across the wrong way. I can't imagine what it must be like to not have your family's support so im really sorry they are being like that but the most important thing right now is you, your OH & your baby. Don't even give anything else a second thought.

I also agree with you about the wanting to eat and drink the "wrong" things when I lost the second baby I just started eating what I wasn't allowed and drinking coffee and alcohol again & I don't even drink but it's what I wanted & I had it. I even had a cigerette & I don't smoke I just felt like I wanted to numb everything & be like "well fuck this I don't deserve this im just act like I don't care" which swiftly changed to me breaking down and crying in the bar and leaving with my OH at 9pm! It affects us in crazy ways but you will be fine darling you will have a much better idea tomorrow of what's going on just don't over think & just try keep yourself occupied xx

 

[babyslog]

Im so sorry you had to go through this hun
thank you for sharing xxxx