Miserable, 10+ weeks & didn't even know!

[Bedu]

I dunno whats hurting the most, not knowing I was pregnant or feeling like the reason I no longer am anymore is all my fault!
My last period was February & I was due another in the middle of March so when the middle of march came alone & I was due to start the taking the pill for the first time I got brown discharge & thought it was the start of my period so I took my first pill. I was going on holiday at the end of March with my bf & due to my period arriving 2 days into our holiday i decided to start another pill pack straight after which by then I had been having 3 weeks of brown discharge & just put it down to old blood from my period not beginning & because I had read that taking the pill for the first time can cause brown discharge as well postpone your period I just thought it was that, to put my mind at ease the day I started the pill I took a pregnancy test & it came back negative!

So for the whole holiday & 3 weeks before I was having brown discharge, we came back from holiday 2 weeks ago (still brown discharge) & I thought having the start of what I thought was period pains was the sign of my periods starting soon, so along came Saturday night just gone & I started having the most horrendous 'period pains' ever, they would hit me for a few seconds then stop for a few minutes then restart and so on, so I went to bed and got up the next morning to get ready for work, went to the bathroom & passed what I was later told was the gestational sac (the size of a lime). I put it in a container & went to my medical centre where I got questioned and questioned and then finally an hr later they hit me with the news that I was in fact pregnant & had had a miscarriage the night before.

I just feel so numb, I cant stop crying & blaming myself that if I hadnt taken the pill I wouldnt have lost my baby. I had a gut feeling something was wrong somewhere but after taking a pregnancy test and it coming back negative I thought I was 100% not pregnant! Ive taken the week off work & I have a scan in 2 weeks. I just feel miserable, miserable that Ive lost my baby, miserable that I feel so alone, miserable that I just want to stop crying, miserable that I wish I'd listened to myself & miserable that I had carried on taking my pill. When will I stop feeling like this! Its driving me crazy I just dont know what to do!

 

[Clementine]

Bedu, I am so sorry you lost your baby bean, did you speak to the hospital as I didn't think taking the pill would cause you to miscarry. You cannot blame yourself for something you did not know, I would go to your GP and discuss all your worries with them and maybe even have a chat with a counsellor to help you get your head around things. Take care x

 

[mylullaby]

I agree. I really don't think that taking the pill during your pregnancy would have caused the miscarriage honey. Please go back to your GP or family planning clinic and talk about how you're feeing. So sorry about your loss. Take care xxx

 

[Bethyboo87]

Aw bless you, what a shock. I also agree, I think those little beans are so strong and if they're going to be okay in the long run they will be. I'm just telling myself the one I just lost would never have been able to make it to full term, not that it hurts any less of course. Don't blame yourself, nothing you did would have caused it xx

 

[georgie20]

im so sorry hun i dont think it wouldbe taking your pill that caused your miscarriage, people carry on taking it during pregnancy when they havnt known all the time.i hopeyour pain eases soon. please try not to blame yourselfxxx

 

[flisstebbs]

I do contraception clinics: taking the pill whilst pregnant does not make you mc. In fact the extra hormones can help in certain situations!
Having had 4mc myself though, trust me, there's always something you can find to blame yourself for, its just horrible business. Try to be kind to yourself, its normal to grieve. Its helpful coming here and letting it out. Hugs.