Feeling Miserable

[KarolinaMoon]

Hey all,

Having a total melt down right now, and just needing to rant a little. Thought I had managed to pick myself up from my m/c on 13th oct, but feeling more miserable than ever past few days. Another work colleague has announced she is pregnant, and my friend has just had a baby girl today. I am happy for them both, but can't help but feel sooo sad, it's a feeling that I can't quite put my finger on.
I have been ttc since my mc, with no luck so far. Keep thinking that there is something wrong with me that I havent conceived yet...yes I am well and truly down right now
The Christmas period was difficult too coz I was getting asked by sisters, sister in laws etc, 'when am I going to be an Auntie?' (they dont know about my mc). I never liked getting questions like that before I had a mc, so you can imagine my reaction now. How do you answer questions like that?
I'm hoping that it's just the dreary weather getting me down, and making me feel worse right now. xxx

 

[lauralou]

Ah huni it's horrible. I told my family when I had a mc and I think it made it easier for me. It must be hard having to act normal when I bet all u wana do is scream or yell at them, I think I would anyway. I'm finding things hard again, I had a mc 26th nov and over Christmas my mind was kind of taken off it slightly. But now Christmas is over I've just got it on my mind all the time again. How far gone where u?
Really hope u get some good news soon huni x

 

[dyscochick]

Hi Hun, it still gets to me now and my mmc was in July, I'm just hoping I'l catch quick when i start ttc in feb, it can't come soon enough. There seemed to be soooo many announcements of pregnancies around my mmc time, it was heartbreaking. keep ranting to get it out your system, i found none really understood except the girls on here xxx

 

[Verity2011]

Awwwwww it's so tough hon. I found out my eldest sister was pregnant again 4 weeks after my mmc and to be completely honest I didn't manage to actually talk to her until she was past 20 weeks because it hurt so much. It's also difficult to find people who understand and the only ones I found were my Mum and the lovely PF ladies, but do whatever you need to whether shouting, crying, hibernating etc. and never feel bad for your reactions - they're all completely natural.

 

[Constantstar]

It took me 8 months to conceive after my mc. Someone at work also announced they were pregnant and due when I should of been. It was so hard and couldn't understand why i wasn't getting pregnant each month it was frustrating. But 8 months later it happened and u know what I wouldn't change all that happened for the world because this little boy here I've got wouldn't be here otherwise'

 

[netty]

it takes time sweety i have been ttc since sept2011 and nithing and i think allsorts is up with me but its just a waiting game hun, remember try and not stress too much as thats no good for ttc ( easier said than done ) i know how hard it is hun and how much it tears you up inside! my baby would have been due this march you can pm me anytime if yiu need a rant, i still have my days where i am totally unconsolable

 

[Sunbeam638]

Ah I understand too it's so hard I am trying to stay positive but I have my wobbles that it's never going to happen, or I'm crying about mc or I'm worrying about if I get pg it will end up as a mc. It's a hard cycle but I have more good days than bad and I am so grateful for this forum and the ladies in here to talk to.

Lots of hugs xx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

hi Ladies,

Thank you all so much for your kind words of support, and sharing your experiences....I really dont know what I would do without this forum sometimes!!!!
I hadnt told anyone I was pregnant (only myself & OH knew), so when the m/c happened I just couldnt bring myself to tell family & close friends oh by the way I was pregnant but now I've lost it . I did tell one friend, however she has just had a baby girl yesterday and whilst she was there for me when I was actually going through the mc, a few weeks later and all she was talking about was her pregnancy, and making comments like, 'its a miracle nothing goes wrong with most pregnancies', and generally sharing all her concerns that her baby will be ok. I felt bad when I actually sighed a breath of relief when she went off on maternity leave......
So, yes, it would seem that few really understand how mc effects you unless they have experienced it for themselves or someone close to them has.
Lauralou - I had a missed mc and it was at my 12wk scan when I found out. At first they thought it was an anembryonic pregnancy, but the second midwife I saw thought that a small speck she could see on the scan was a fetal pole of about 5 and a half weeks. Such a shock!!
I guess we just have to keep on going, and try our best to think positive......I have found myself fretting constantly lately about the fact I havent conceived yet, and worrying that I wont beable to conceive. But then my mc was only in oct, though it feels like I've been trying forever already!!!
Thanks again ladies!!! I still have my fingers crossed for us all...!!! xxxx

 

[baby43]

I do know how you are feeling because I have experienced a missed miscarriage too. Here is my story I found out I was pregnant on the 23 November 2011. Went for a scan at 9 weeks and they found an empty sac, 2 weeks later re scanned again no change,they told me I had was a missed miscarriage. All that was growing was the sac and placenta, and it would continue to grow until it breaks down. I think knowing this empty sac inside did put me throw some mental torture, as all i wanted was for that to be removed. I was carrying it around inside for almost 10 weeks, knowing there was at one point a baby growing inside at the beginning or was there i just dont know

The hospital told me that they think the embro just absorbed back into my body, and its like a sense of comfort knowing this. Last Thursday I went for a ERCP and I had to stay in hospital over night.

I did bleed for 4 days after, but only light and i had no pain and I'm back at work now since 3rd jan. All bleeding has stopped. I will recover from this but the one thing that is haunting me is what my ex partner said nasty stuff when i told him I was pregnant. Not once did he ask how I was feeling and i told him there was no baby etc.

I did all this on my own too. Hospital scans etc. Even on the day i was due in hospital i was bleeding with clots and had cramps and i had to go get to the hospital by bus 45 minutes journey at 6.15am at that was the 28 December.

I know for 2012 I dont want to get involved with any man or start a relationship with anyone because i have to have time to heal and just get back to normal.

I Wish you all the luck in the world Karolina and to all the ladies on here.

 

[dyscochick]

karolina
baby43
Sometimes its easier, but you never forget your angel baby/ies
Baby I hope you have a better 2012 and we are always here for you xxx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Hi Baby,

Im so sorry to hear of what you've been through, you have had such an awful time! You are right to take time to yourself and heal....
If you need to talk or just rant, we are all here to listen It's a horrible thing to have to go through, and what helps is to have people who understand what you are going through, and know the right things to say!
I hope you are starting to feel better, and continue to heal xxxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi Karolina,

I just wanted to say Hi and let you know I totally understand what you are going through.

With our losses, our families know about the 1st M/c but not the other two, nor do they know we're now under specialist care at the recurrent m/c clinic.

Like yourself I made the decision not to involve my family, to be honest I didn't want their pity... Luckily we don't get any questions about "when are you going to try again" - we both have quite large families but thankfully they are very tactful!

It makes it pretty isolating at times though - the only people that know is my OH and two friends (who both had babies last month so aren't all that 'available')

I find PF is my saviour sometimes - without this place and my OH I am not sure what I'd do? Anytime you feel blue just yell hun, we're all here to help!

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Hi Carnat!

Nice to hear from you! I hope things are progressing for you at the clinic, and hopefully they will beable help!
I don't really handle sympathy too well, and that was part of the reason I didnt tell family, I also didnt want them to worry.
But you are right....it does make it isolating at times, esp when you are feeling v down and the hubby isnt available at that moment in time!!! I think though that accepting there will be those downs, is half the battle. Thankfully PF is here at those moments, and it really is a great source of comfort!

xxxx

 

[Sali2012]

So sorry to hear about your loss! Going through this myself and can absolutely understand your emotions! I didn't tell anyone at first when I was going through it but then I decided to tell my mum and sister and obviously they were very supportive! I'm not saying that you should tell people but all I am saying that sometimes it helps get through tough times when people close to you are there to talk to and support you! Good luck hun and loads of love! I only lost my baby on Sunday and I'm shattered into pieces at the moment beauae my husband and I really want yo have another child! Any way good luck xx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Hi Sali!

Awww so sorry to hear about your loss. You are right, it is good to have people around you who know about your mc for those times when you are feeling awful. I can't bring myself to tell family though, even though I am close to them, I just feel more comfortable with myself & my hubby knowing and no one else. Obviously I had to tell my manager at work. I also told one other person, and tbh I regret telling her.
It is a horrible experience to have to go through, but the good days soon outnumbered the bad days. I am the same as you and would love to be pregnant again, however despite trying since late Oct, I havent been successful
I hope you continue to heal, and we are all here when you need a rant or just to share your feelings!
xxx