Midwife

[pinkymum]

Just wondered how you get on with your midwife?

I don't like mine much, find her patronising and she tends to belittle me. She does all that "bringing up a bay is hard work" Is she for real??? I dunno what she thinks I think but obviously I know that. Then the other day I said something about trying to get into a routine with baby in the summer and she said "routine" and then laughed. I found that quite insulting. Maybe I come accross really stupid? But she defo pisses me off and I'll be glad when I don't have to see her. I'm dreading telling her that I've decided not to breastfeed. Even dreamt that I told her last night and she went on and on and on.

 

[Rachey]

That's a shame you don't get on with your midwife pinkymum, especially since they are involved so much in your pregnancy. I might sound silly but is there not any way you can change midwife? That would defo piss me off if my midwife laughed at something I said! Whats silly about trying to get baby into a routine? Sounds sensible to me. She sounds like one of those people who always think they're better than eveyone else.

Try not to worry about telling her you've decided not to breastfeed hun, everyone has the right to do what they feel comfortable with, and at the end of the day it's your baby, not hers xxx

 

[pinkymum]

Thanks Rachey,

yep she seems to look down her nose at me a bit.

The thing is her and another midwife work as a team for women who like me have had previous mental health problems, or are entitled to healthy start vouchers, or women who are said to be more vulnerable. So you are supposed to get a bit more time with them. Although I have been told by my consultan that I don't fit the diagnosis I was given 11 years ago and I'm pretty much recovered. But when I was offered the extra support I took it thinking it would be handy. So I don't know how easy it would be to change and the midwife attached to my surgery is even worse.
I'm nor wondering if my midwife has had any training in working with people with mental health problems. If she says anything like that again I'm going to ask her not to talk to me like that. I know its my first baby but I'm certainly not stupid and if she's talking to me like that, I wonder what she's like with her other patients and if they are more vulnerable I don't think that would help them either.

x

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Lacey's mw was so patronising it was unreal! Luckily she wasn't there when I was in labour. Charley's mw was lovely but I only saw her about 3 times and the mw's that helped me give birth, I couldn't fault! They were great spesh as they made me endless cups of tea after! Lol

 

[riotfox]

I haven't really seen my midwife a lot. The 16 week appointment lasted no longer than 5 minutes. xx

 

[pinkymum]

Lacey's mw was so patronising it was unreal! Luckily she wasn't there when I was in labour. Charley's mw was lovely but I only saw her about 3 times and the mw's that helped me give birth, I couldn't fault! They were great spesh as they made me endless cups of tea after! Lol

Did you say anything to her? I'm hoping the midwives I'll have when giving birth will be better.

x

 

[pinkymum]

I haven't really seen my midwife a lot. The 16 week appointment lasted no longer than 5 minutes. xx

I'll swap you lol. She's supposed to be able to spend more than 20 minutes with each patient but She was here for 15 minutes on Monday, she brought a student and she didn't even ask if that was ok!

x

 

[BabysMomma]

Sorry to hear you're having problems with your midwife. She certainly should not be negative towards what you hope to achieve with your little baby, and she should've blooming asked if having a student present was ok with you!!

You should be able to speak to your midwife about anything and get support whatever your decision. And I don't know what it is about breastfeeding, but it seems that some midwifes are horrified if you even hint that your doubting breastfeeding. I'd actually like to know the percentage of midwifes who have never or decided that breastfeeding wasn't for them...

Hope you can change midwifes or get her to be more professional. x

 

[Rachey]

Would you even be able to move to the other midwife since they work in a group of 2? She shouldn't have brought a student without asking, I'm sure they're not allowed to do that.

My midwife has been really good with letting me make my own decisions, when she first mentioned breast feeding she said that as a midwife, she has to go over the benefits of breastfeeding with me but that she will support whatever decision I make. The only thing she did say that I really should do was get the flu jab x

 

[xshauna_bazx]

ARGH!!! I just wrote an essay and deleted it!!! Can't remember what i said now...
Anyways...
My midwife is ok...she could be better, but i think thats just me being picky. I sometimes feel i am doing her head in by asking questions. You should say something to her next time she does it. Its meant to be a good experience, not ruined by some arrogant bitch! You could always phone up without saying your name and see if if it would be possible you could change. Then if you can obviously tell then who you are. Definitely do not worry about telling her your not BF because that is upto you and you only! Nothing to do with her! I am not BF and would tell my midwife, if she got pissed off thats her problem as i stand by my own decisions. I might BF with my second...you never know. You shouldn't feel you can't tell her things.xxx

 

[Squeakz]

how horrible!!!!! id deffo call and see if its poss to change without giving your name first etc. My mw was really lovely during the pregnancy but then afterwards when J was here she didnt shut up about b.feeding. I wasn;t comfortable with it and just not particularly interested and i'd tell her i was struggling and she'd turn around and tell me he would get fat if i formula fed. And she sctully said 'im not going to pressure you in to continuing however its better for your health and J's health if you do' and it actually was pressuring. the only thing i had to keep telling myself was, that some women physcially cant bfeed for whattever reason have to ff and their chidren are FINE!!! try and change htough if you can1 xxxx

 

[Suzie86]

My midwife is awful and no chance in changing her as I'm from a small town and she only works Tues morns anyway. She didnt see me after the 8 week appt until 20 weeks and even then she just rushed through everything. When you ask her questions she gives you as vague answer as possible. Everything is always " I'll do that next time", shes patronising and asked me if i realised parenthood was hard work and didnt even bother doing half of the paperwork. For the 1st appt she had a student midwife with her who knew more :S. She also promises to call but never does and her mob is always off. I was so glad to hear when she said " you might not have me as your midwife during labour", i was so relieved and thinking thank god! I hope i get someone that knows what theyre doing .

 

[pinkymum]

My midwife is awful and no chance in changing her as I'm from a small town and she only works Tues morns anyway. She didnt see me after the 8 week appt until 20 weeks and even then she just rushed through everything. When you ask her questions she gives you as vague answer as possible. Everything is always " I'll do that next time", shes patronising and asked me if i realised parenthood was hard work and didnt even bother doing half of the paperwork. For the 1st appt she had a student midwife with her who knew more :S. She also promises to call but never does and her mob is always off. I was so glad to hear when she said " you might not have me as your midwife during labour", i was so relieved and thinking thank god! I hope i get someone that knows what theyre doing .

She sounds worse than mine hun. It's a shame that someone like that is involved with one of the happiest times in our lives. I thought I was the only one who got the bringing babies up is hard work thing. That really annoys me. I'll be 30 this year I'm not 15!
Hugs. Hopefully we will have nice midwives in labour!
X

 

[pinkymum]

how horrible!!!!! id deffo call and see if its poss to change without giving your name first etc. My mw was really lovely during the pregnancy but then afterwards when J was here she didnt shut up about b.feeding. I wasn;t comfortable with it and just not particularly interested and i'd tell her i was struggling and she'd turn around and tell me he would get fat if i formula fed. And she sctully said 'im not going to pressure you in to continuing however its better for your health and J's health if you do' and it actually was pressuring. the only thing i had to keep telling myself was, that some women physcially cant bfeed for whattever reason have to ff and their chidren are FINE!!! try and change htough if you can1 xxxx

That's horrible hun. I'm going to get really annoyed if she starts putting pressure on me to bf. I've already decided If she asks why I've changed my mind I'm going to tell her that its my decision and I shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone.

 

[XHopefulX]

Aww Pinky, that is crap hun, as alot have said request another..... you are able to do this.

I had an awful one for my 2 booking in appointments but I knew I was moving and now couldn't be happier, she is helpful and actually cares about my wellbeing which is paramount to anybody that is pregnant.

Either change or tell her straight how you are finding her talking to you, she maybe just long in the tooth and been doing the job too long to recognise her misgivings.

xx

 

[pinkymum]

Aww Pinky, that is crap hun, as alot have said request another..... you are able to do this.

I had an awful one for my 2 booking in appointments but I knew I was moving and now couldn't be happier, she is helpful and actually cares about my wellbeing which is paramount to anybody that is pregnant.

Either change or tell her straight how you are finding her talking to you, she maybe just long in the tooth and been doing the job too long to recognise her misgivings.

xx

I think it would cause a heap of hassle if I tried to change - no idea who I'd speak to either. But I am going to say something to her because she shouldn't be talking to people like that. And I know she has patients who are quite unwell mentally so if its bothering me and I'm well, I wonder how it affects them. If she starts about the bf I say BRING IT ON lol.

x x x x

 

[XHopefulX]

yeah actually let her prattle on about the 'BF' would love to be a fly on the wall for that one..... don't take the crap hun, let her know that you are not stupid and don't require lecturing but guidance.

xx

 

[pinkymum]

yeah actually let her prattle on about the 'BF' would love to be a fly on the wall for that one..... don't take the crap hun, let her know that you are not stupid and don't require lecturing but guidance.

xx

Hehe I'm actually looking forward to it

 

[midnight]

aww so sorry you got a miserable 1 i dont know how you go about changing them ive never needed to

as for the breast feeding if she goes on just tell her its your decision not hers!! i had a pushy consultant on my 1st and 2nd and as soon as they meantioned breast feeding i stopped them in their tracks and told them there is no way i was breast feeding and they are going straight on a bottle stick to your guns hun this time im more open to breast feeding i think because i know she will be my last and ive never tried it

as for routine yes you can get them in a routine best advice i can give is-

dont put the baby down fully asleep if you can help it try and put him or her in her crib/moses just before they fall asleep so they get use to falling asleep on there own

if you find you have a baby that falls asleep half way through a bottle only to wake 20 mins later for the rest of the bottle just before they fall asleep change their nappy or strip the baby grow off them this will keep them a little more alert and will more more inclinded to finish the bottle, also make sure the baby isny working to hard to get the milk out of the teat as this will cause them to fall asleep tooo

get your baby use to time alone on his or her play mat too this will help you if you need to get something done

and finally get your baby use to noise ie hoover tv i never turn things down when the baby is sleeping

 

[Squeakz]

i can understsand why they do have to say certain things and thats fine but ultimately mw's and hv's are there to support us and they arent. After i had J i asked a mW what the rules were with bfing and alcohol and she turned around and said 'well as im a mw and work for the nhs i have to say that you cannot do it at all however if you go and look on this website and this website, you'll get a more balanced view' which i thought was wonderful!! x