Me again sorry : When should he see LO

[Jaxx01]

Right a little bit of background!!

My ex fooked off when I was 5 weeks pregnant...he waited until I was at work one day, packed his bags, wrote me a letter and moved back 50 miles away to his home town!!

Since then, Ive had minimal (and I mean minimal) contact!!! Ive contacted him to tell him how scans have gone etc...not him...hes made no effort at all other than moaning about how unfair it is that I am the one who will decide about contact etc and how stupid it is that baby is having my surname!!!

So my question is : When should he first see our little man when he's born?

I have since moved, and I do not want him to know my new address as he is the type of person that would just turn up out of the blue!!!

I have always said that I have no problem whatsoever about him having regular contact etc... but just wondered when the first contact should be?

I do not under any circumstances want him in my house when Ive literally just come out of hospital! I would say he could go to my mums house and see baby there, but I just dont know how Im gonna feel eg: What if I have to have C section...I live on second floor and would like to be settled at home for a few days after birth to have a bit of recovery time!!

Just seems like a nightmare as he is likely to kick off if he doesnt see him straightaway

Im not doing it to be nasty, just the ins and outs of it all practical wise are a nightmare

Any advice would be gratefully received xxx

 

[DaisyPurple]

Firstly I'm sorry to hear that he left you like this and so early into your pregnancy too, and I think its up to you when you decide to let him see your baby, when you feel ready, he lost the right to dictate how or where you bring your child up when he walked out and moved 50 miles away, that was his choice and this is yours, I do think that your mums is the best place to arrange a visit as you will need to feel secure that baby is safe, he needs to prove himself to be a reliable father before I would let him have him.on his own, as let's face it he's not been supportive of you so far, sorry if I sound harsh but I think its fair to say as he upped and left as soon as he found out, like a scared little boy, xxx

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[Jaxx01]

No thats not harsh at all thats my thoughts exactly but I wondered if it was just because Im angry at him that I feel like that!!

I told him, that under no circumstances is he to have baby alone until hes proved that he can maintain regualr contact and build up a bond with baby...that also he says is ridiculous lol tough (well in slightly different words) is what I said lol xx

 

[Lilelephant]

Tell him you'll contact him when u and baby r settled! U can send him a pic in the first few days but say u need time to settle! He made a choice when he fooled off babe sobhe has to live with the consequences

 

[DaisyPurple]

He needs to understand that as you will be bringing up the baby you will be in control of everything, he gave up his rights to equality in parenting when he chose to piss off 50 miles away, leaving you devestated with a growing baby inside you, be firm but fair and when he starts calling your decisions rediculous remind him.that this was the result of his rediculous response to your situation xxx

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[Jaxx01]

Well said ladies...

I think I might just do that...send him a pic and then contact him again when we are settled... he hasnt even bothered to ask the due date!!! Idiot... grrr

xx

 

[DaisyPurple]

Well said ladies.... he hasnt even bothered to ask the due date!!! Idiot... grrr

xx

Prick.... Sorry not helpful, just be strong for your Lo hun and remember you are a woman.. and we rule the earth lol xx

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[Jaxx01]

lol too true DP ...

I got a text from him saying 'you got yourself up the duff knowing I was leaving you' lmao erm think he needs someone to sit down and explain that one!!

The way it went was... I had a miscarraige on 1st march..he left because HE couldnt handle it...then he came back got me pregnant as we agreed to try again!? Then he finally left when i was about 5 weeks!! Just after finding out grrrrr xx

 

[DaisyPurple]

Oh hun, he sounds Luke a little boy that really needs to grow up, how old is he? Xx

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[Jaxx01]

Hes 30!!! lmao

I know, I know, I just cant beleive we were even together

Oh well, Ive well and truly learnt by my mistakes!! The funniest thing is he says that Im doing all this becasue I still love him ahahahahah I have more love for my little toe than some immature idiot like him!!! haHAHAHA X

 

[cosmicgirl]

You got yourself up the duff? Wow hun, I didn't know you produced sperm
Agree with the others, he lost his right to dictate to you when he walked out, he just has to deal with it. stay strong xxx

 

[DaisyPurple]

Oh ffs, xxx

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[Jaxx01]

yeah I know Cosmic I think Id be rich if Id have managed to do that all by myself !!! hahah

God, I have the next 18 years of stupid idiotic comments like this aaaarggghhhhh

lol at least ill have my babies with me xx

 

[cosmicgirl]

You'll be great and hopefully you will get into a routine with contact where you don't have to really see him, just a hand over if you like xx

 

[1986princess]

What an idiot, u got urself pregnant? They come out with it don't they ! See how u feel after birth maybe send pic our wait to see if he
Makes an c effort to see his baby? By ringing and showing interest! Then it's ur decision wen it suits u and ur ready as this is your baby
X

 

[Sarah13]

I would see how much interest he takes between now and baby being born and take it from there how you feel. He hasn't even found out your due date! leave all the running to him so he can prove himself as a father after all he should be regularly asking for updates even now without you always making first move if he's that interested. A neutral place to meet first time would def be best though, I've never let my daughters father set foot in my house, we have boundaries and rules, I also don't go into his house either and this is 12 years after we split! We just come to the door or did when dd was younger and always had strict dropping off and picking up times although this was decided in court after a very messy split! Much easier now she's 14 she sorts everything it's up to her now to decide her own arrangements, so maybe not need to deal with him until baby is 18, kind of dwindles as they start high school and make their own plans!

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

Men are seriously confusing me at the moment.
My friend was TTC with her boyfriend for months (even whilst I was TTC) she found out she was pregnant last week and he's turned around and said he won't support her if she keeps it and they've broken up now!

I'm sorry your OH felt the need to do the same, I don't understand why they TTC in the first place if they're just going to do one once they find out they're going to be a dad. It's wrong on so many levels.

I understand your feelings though as I would be thinking the exact same. It would be totally different if you were together because you'd want him around you to look after the baby and help you recover at the same time. Instead he's your ex, and he's slightly rude in my opinion! Your mum's house is definitely the best bet, I wouldn't want my ex around my new house with my new baby playing happy families. You take all the time you need to recover, he should respect that and if he doesn't, he needs a slap! xxx

 

[Jaxx01]

I think he needs a slap anyway lmao

Yeah I want to keep my home as mine and my babies home... I have visions of him just turnig up at my old flat and being turned away lmao

I think you're all right...just gonna take my time, recover and get baby settled THEN and only then he can see him...thats if he's even made an effort to email or call!!!

xx

 

[Rachaellius]

He sounds like such an idiot!!! Do it on your terms hunny! If he goes mad at not being able to see him straight away then take no notice it's his own fault! Do his family not want to be involved? xxx

 

[Jaxx01]

Nope it was all his sisters doing I think that he left...she thinks she knows everything and tried telling him to 'look after number one' blah blah blah she even tried telling me how to bring u my son all the while her kid was screaming blue murder in the background lol....he doesnt know where his dad is and doesnt speak to his mum lol

It will be on my terms...had one row with him because he said it's unfair its all on my terms and that the baby is having my surname...the last text I got from him was basically telling me to F off!!

lol if he wasnt such a plank id be getting wound up about him!!! lmao