mc feels like birth.

[shineresolve]

Hi
I lost my baby three years ago now. It was my first and only and I struggle every day to this day with it. I am having counselling etc which helps but has made me feel more than ever raw and so emotion intense about my baby.
It is a big struggle and I am on here to see if other people feel similarly. And maybe to help other people see the light in the loss. I have been through so much in this time and each day try and give myself peace to keep going.
At the time of mc I just went through the motions. And I didn't take it all on now as I wish I had. I googled mc and feelings of birth. I particularly now look over the mc as a birth and a right with my baby. I was 8 weeks, it was a missed mc. I was very young and just put all my effort into enduring the pain and surviving. But now I think of the baby and that time so much I view it like closure. The pain and suffering is etched into my mind and I view it like a birth. It can be so negative to feel the pain and guilt only. You have no thing as an outcome, you only have pain.
I try and view that period as a birth where I had my motherly time with my baby and contracted for her to come. Its I understand a strange perhaps hippy-ish view but I can find noone talk of this. Am I mad?
Other mums must feel the same. Although it feels like it destroys you, I find myself thinking about the actual act of losing her. If I had to do it again I would be more natural with it, allow myself to have that birth. I think all the time about the loss and it was my only true time as a mother as a woman to her. Does anyone know what I mean?

 

[JaiandLeigh]

Hi,

Firstly I can see you posted this a few days and and are yet to have a response so I hope you are ok and don't feel unsupported. My first miscarriage I was 8 weeks and my second I was 10 weeks. I have since had a beautiful baby girl who I am so grateful for. My miscarriages both felt like births, the contractions and pain for me were the same as labour but without the reward of knowing you will have a healthy baby to hold at the end and it was heartbreaking at the time. Both times I had 3 days off work and tried to then get back into the swing of things as quickly as possible and I feel it really helped. I had a few weeks of feeling emotional and wobbly but as the weeks passed things got easier for me and my husband. I am really sorry to hear that 3 years on you are still feeling the heartache. we still occasionally talk about our lost babies and it brings a tear to my eye. Perhaps I feel I have managed it ok because I went on to have a healthy pregnancy I don't know? Talking about it really helped us so hopefully it helps you too. Lots of luck for your future xx

 

[millielaura]

I definitely know how you feel! I had a mc last year at 9/10 weeks and that felt more like a constant pain as it happened so quick for me but my m/c 4 years ago at 14 weeks really was like a mini labour. Waters went, contractions, placenta etc. I was young too! I definitely found the last m/c easier as awwwful as that sounds because we were able to ttc again and I had hope. And i was older and able to deal with my emotions more. My first m/c the baby was unplanned so when she was gone that was it. I think I am only just coming to terms with it all and I think about everything every single day xxxx