Looking for thoughts!

[kittyrooroo]

Morning ladies.
I'm not too sure what I'm looking to gain by posting this thread tbh! Just some thoughts that may be different to the ones in my own head!
I don't want to speak to OH about this because it may make me look a bit obsessed! Basically, I had a long and traumatic labour, 39 hours in all, dehydration, drip to speed up contractions, epidural then taken down to theatre for forceps and some cuts! The whole experience was terrifying. Both for me and OH. I ended up with post natal depression, I felt like I hadn't bonded with my little boy due to the way he came into the world and most of all I felt like my body had failed to do what women had been doing since the beginning of time.
I didn't get diagnosed til baby was 6 months old as I believed it was my own problem to deal with. I always said no more babies! However, my little boy is growing up fast and he'd make such a brilliant big brother so we have decided to try summer 2015.
The labour is worrying me though. It's consuming my thoughts every single day. And I'm not even pregnant yet! I know I just can't go through a natural birth again. I can't risk getting PND again. I can't put myself and my family though that again. I've been seriously considering an elective c section. I just wish I could book in for one before even getting pregnant. If I had to go for another natural birth, I don't think we'd try for another one at all
I just don't know what to do! I I need to stop thinking about it but I can't!
I don't want a second pregnancy to be full of fears and worries. It will be our last so I want to enjoy it.
Any thoughts from rationally minded ladies would be lovely! Xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

I found this link hun http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/weblinks.htm

Not sure if it will be any use (I only glanced at it)

X

 

[JD.Deedee]

Try and book an appoint through your GP/gynecologist to see your consultant whom had duty of your care during your first labour.
I had a similar traumatic labour, although it didn't traumatize me it did bother me in the way that I had no say and felt like the midwife made her own choices in regards to putting me on the drip which to me resulted in my bad ending so to speak. The consultant confirmed this that I was indeed right, so for me that's just a thought to add to my birthplan. Ensuring knowing my rights and clearly stating what I will not consent to and what measures I would think is appropriate in my situation at that given time.

The consultant, well mine was, is keen on advising you the possibilities in next labour. So with my third degree tear they will give the option of a section, purely because there is "more" chance of it happening again. Again it may aswell not happen at all, but if it does it's likely to tear on the place it has done before risking it goes up to a fourth degree. And I think with a fourth they just want to do a section for the sake of not wanting to risk that at all because I do believe a second fourth degree tear can have more lasting damage. Again each individual so different it can be anything for anyone. So that's why am saying go and see if you can see the consultant, discuss your options and from my experience it does help take a way a bit of anxiety, the consultant has so much more knowledge than any doctor, midwife or health visitor they are so much better at putting your mind at rest! Mine took a good 2 to 2,5 hours to help me answer all the questions I had!

And another thing might help searching through this forum reading other experiences whom had a traumatic first birth and went on to have a nearly scratch free second

 

[kittyrooroo]

Thanks ladies!
I hate that labour is so unpredictable! I hear that second labours are half the time of first labours and even so, I don't fancy a 20 hour labour! It just felt like everything went wrong, I hadn't slept in two days and I wasn't even sure what was happening to me.
I'd be looking forward to trying for number two so much if it wasn't for this.
I've considered having one of those labour chats with someone from the hospital but chickened out! I don't even know how many stitches I had, I just didn't want to be told.
I think I need to have a long browse and hopefully talk myself out of these ridiculous thoughts. I just feel silly because I'm not even pregnant yet! Xxx

 

[Cherrybelly]

I had a traumatic labour too - 36hours, no progress after 8cm so had emergency csection and then lost 2.5l of blood on the table. I'm terrified at the thought of doing it again but in the same way, I found recovery from my csection hard and painful so I really don't know what I'd decide if we tried again! My mother was very anxious when she had my little sister, explained her concerns and they let her have an elective csection - I'm sure they'll do it in the case of a previous traumatic birth xxx

 

[ema-lou24]

Every woman has the right to ask for an elective section, they can advise against it and try make you go down the natural route etc but if your adamant they cannot refuse, but could refer you to councilling if they feel your reasons aren't valid. A lady on the forum posted a link all about women's rights regarding treatment for sections births etc, I can't remember the proper name for it but I'm sure someone will come along and confirm the link. I just know that you have the right to an elective and you have a good reason for it too. But defo speak to someone to put your mind at ease x

 

[kittyrooroo]

My mum had a traumatic birth with me, pre eclampsia, massive blood loss and we both almost died during an emergency c section .. But two years later was giving birth naturally to my little brother. I wish I could be as brave.
I heard that every woman has the right to decide how to give birth but I worry people won't take me seriously.
I'd like to try counselling but I end up in tears just thinking about my labour sometimes, never mind talking about it!
My OH has said he'd prefer if I had a natural birth although I don't know what factors he's taken into consideration to come up with this! He found the labour pretty traumatic too and he wasn't the one with the baby inside him xxx

 

[Ella1979]

It can be such a hard decision to make. After my first (failed induction, emergency c-sec for pre-eclampsia), I was given the option of natural birth or elective section when I attended my consultant appointment at 16 weeks. I was still weighing up the options at 30 weeks (!) when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and told I would either have to be induced or have a section at 38 weeks. Luckily this took away the decision as I couldn't bear the thought of being induced again and I opted for the section. For me, it was totally the right decision and it was actually quite a relaxed experience - everyone in theatre was lovely and I got to hold my baby straight away and even have photos taken.

It's so hard and only you can make the decision, but you definitely need to talk to someone prior to getting pregnant. Much better to work out your feelings about your last labour/delivery and get the next pregnancy/labour/delivery straight in your own mind first.

With your OH, do you think he might want you to have a natural birth because he doesn't want to see you in theatre again? Obviously if you try for a natural birth there is a chance that everything will be just fine this time round whereas with an elective section you'll definitely be in theatre. I don't know...?

 

[kittyrooroo]

It can be such a hard decision to make. After my first (failed induction, emergency c-sec for pre-eclampsia), I was given the option of natural birth or elective section when I attended my consultant appointment at 16 weeks. I was still weighing up the options at 30 weeks (!) when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and told I would either have to be induced or have a section at 38 weeks. Luckily this took away the decision as I couldn't bear the thought of being induced again and I opted for the section. For me, it was totally the right decision and it was actually quite a relaxed experience - everyone in theatre was lovely and I got to hold my baby straight away and even have photos taken.

It's so hard and only you can make the decision, but you definitely need to talk to someone prior to getting pregnant. Much better to work out your feelings about your last labour/delivery and get the next pregnancy/labour/delivery straight in your own mind first.

With your OH, do you think he might want you to have a natural birth because he doesn't want to see you in theatre again? Obviously if you try for a natural birth there is a chance that everything will be just fine this time round whereas with an elective section you'll definitely be in theatre. I don't know...?

Tbh I think he's just squeamish and thinks he'll have to be stood there watching me being cut open! I really need a relaxed experience this time.
Who do I go to to talk about it? GP who would refer me? Straight to hospital? I've not seen the health visitor since jack was about 6 weeks old.
I'd love to be positive and think that I'd get the perfect labour second time round but so much went tits up last time I don't see how! I don't think I'll settle until I talk to a professional. Sometimes it's so nice just to get advice from you ladies though, you're much more real with real life experiences xxx

 

[mummyofdragons]

Kittyrooroo, I had to post on this as I'm going through the same myself currently. We are TTC baby number two and I worry about how I will give birth. My son was overdue, I got induced due to preeclampsia and then had an emergency section after his heart rate dropped. It took me a long time to recover physically and mentally from his birth and I too got post natal depression.

At this moment in time I would opt for an elective section. I just don't want to risk trying for a natural birth and end up having another section anyway. My husband also wants me to have another section, he found my labour very difficult too. The section he didn't mind so much as by that point he was relieved our baby was getting out OK!

I'm afraid of getting the depression again, and it worries me more that this time my son might be able to remember it and it will effect him. My main problem was I never asked for help and thought I had to deal with it all on my own. Already I'm planning on asking my parents to come and help me for a few weeks once OH goes to work.

What help are you getting from your gp for your pnd? I saw a counsellor who was a great help, not a specific birth one, but I was able to talk about what was upsetting me about it all.

There was a time I was considering never having any more so I'm sure you will get there too with time and the right help.