Life during miscarriage

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Nat_lou, May 25, 2021.

  1. Nat_lou

    Nat_lou Active Member

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    Hi Everyone,

    This is probably going to be a long post, i apologise in advance. I just really need to get some things off of my chest.

    Around 11 weeks ago, i had 3 positive tests. I rang to book with a midwife, no appointments were available until i get to 10 weeks.

    At around 7 weeks, i had a day where i had very slight bleeding.
    Rang the doctors again to ask to speak to a midwide or doctor. The lady that answered the phoned asked what my problem was, i explained to her, to which she replied, "It's probably an implantation bleed, i'm sure it will be fine. Ring back in a week and we'll get you booked in with a midwife".
    The bleed stopped, but i just didn't feel right.
    Rang the doctors again for an appointment around 10 weeks, again, the receptionist said to me, "There is no midwife available, i can book you in for next week". I explained to her on the phone that something wasn't right with me. She agreed to get the nurse to ring me back. The nurse rang me back and i explained everything to her.
    She managed to book me an appointment at the Early Pregnancy Unit the following morning. (Last Thursday)
    I had a scan that revealed that there was a pregnancy sac but nothing growing inside of it.

    I went home, already upset at the fact that, i was having a miscarriage. That night/early hours of the following morning the worst of it all happened.
    My partner was fantastic.

    I went for a re-scan this week which revealed that the sac had gone but alot of blood and tissue were left which needed to come out.

    I rang my doctor as i've been off of work since 13th.
    After talking to the doctor, he gave me a note that lasts until this Friday.
    Next week, i'm booked in for yet another scan to see if i'm coming towards the end of it all. (Hopefully, i am)

    Now, my work are texting me and asking me, when can i go back?
    Like, that's what's currently on my mind. I have bigger things to think about.
    I already have a nearly 3 year old, she's been really good but, when you're in pain, suffering and not feeling the best, work is the last thing on my mind.
    I went to the shop to buy my daughter some pull-ups, a member of staff saw me, went into work the next day and told my line-manager that i was out shopping!
    Now, they're constantly on at me to return to work. Even though, i have a doctors note to last until the end of the week.
    I'm so fed up of everything.
    I feel like i don't even want to return to work. I have a feeling, that when i do go back, i'll have a return to work meeting, which will probably result in a disciplinary (going off of past experiences and other staff members experiences).

    I'm just really unhappy at the minute and i feel really down but i put on a brave face for my family. I always say that "I'm okay" when really, i'm not okay.
    I just feel like i have so much going on in my head and i just don't want to deal with it all.

    I can feel myself slowly shutting down and blocking out my life from the outside world.

    I know that things will get better but right now, they're not and i just want to be able to get myself sorted out without the mither of work.

    How do i manage with it all? It's so stressful!

    Anyway, i'm sorry for the long post, i just had to get it all out.
    If you read it all, thank you so much for your time, i do appreciate it.

    Nat.
    X
     
  2. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    Work cannot give you a disciplinary for being off having a miscarriage, any pregnancy related absence, and that includes miscarriage, cannot be taken into consideration for disciplinary proceedings, they have to completely discount it as an absence, go on the ACAS website and have a look at pregnancy related absences, it tells you what your employer can and can’t do, just tell them firmly you are having a miscarriage and you are not fit for work, as per your doctors note, and you will call them when you are well enough to return, don’t be bullied into going back when you don’t have to, I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I’ve been there myself it’s an awful experience, take care of your self x
     
  3. Littleperson

    Littleperson Well-Known Member

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    Exactly as night owl says.
    If your work try to put you down, pressure you, manipulate, judge, disregard... anything really stand up for yourself! And tell them you will contact HR to request THEY are the ones who are disciplined for bullying you.

    I’ve just been off of my work for almost 4 weeks as I had a miscarriage that didn’t come away naturally. Was in and out hospital constantly. It is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. my work were supportive but I did have anxiety about what they really thought about me the whole time I was off I was stressing about work.

    I don’t know what your job is but I do know that whatever it is it’s not worth your mental health suffering for. At the end of the day a doctor has signed you off, they’ve done it for a reason. And that’s that.


    Give yourself some time to heal physically and emotionally. You’re going through a lot. It’s normal for it to feel all too much. You’ve still got pregnancy hormones floating around you too!
    Just take each day as it comes. You will be okay xxx
     
  4. Mrsbridge17

    Mrsbridge17 Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry that you are being put through this by your “colleague” and employer. It is absolutely not on and you need to tell them in no uncertain terms that you will return when you are ready. They legally cannot do anything about it x
     
  5. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    With my first miscarriage I quit my job. And hubby took me on holiday to ireland. At that time we didn't have kids and we were always a month ahead on bills. Hubby understood completely. I understand a lot of people can't do that. My work was actually really understanding I did have my manager phone me after my first sick note asking when I'll be in next but I said I had another note which was for 2 weeks. I only had to give a weeks notice so after that week I went in and just left my notice letter on the desk with date.
    I was a mess tbh. I regretted it about a month later but I got the same job somewhere else within a few months.
    Just a time thing I guess. After my 6th mc I quit the job I got after my first aha. I got pregnant with my daughter and she was my 7th time lucky and my son 8th time lucky. We're TTC again now and I had another mc in September so hoping for 10th time lucky
     
  6. miamia

    miamia Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry to read your story. Have you considered talking to your manager and explaining that you are going through difficult times and need time to recover your physical and mental health? Take care
     

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