Leaving older children during labour

[DaisyRose]

Anyone else worried about leaving their older children/ child when they go into labour? I'm really worried tbh as I'm ALWAYS here for my girls (OH works in London, family live far away) and I do virtually everything for them.

I'm really worried about the impact my being away is going to have on them. Hopefully my Mum will be here by the time I go in (she looked after Daisy when I had Rosie and all was fine but Daisy remembers it even though she was only 2, and is now getting quite stressed about the whole thing). I had to go into hospital for a few hours the other week, my OH picked Daisy up from school and she was devastated and screamed at him in front of everyone - I think she got really panicky!!!

I've spoken to them lots about it, and hopefully I'll only be away for a couple of days at the most. I know they'll be looked after, I still worry though, is anyone else like this or is it just me being rather silly???

 

[dannii87]

Things like this will be good for them though, they'll start to understand that although you care for them and spend a lot of your time with them, there is another baby on the way who will also need to share you. I think leaving them to meet your LO will be a good thing

I think it's incredibly sweet that they rely on you so much and love being with you.. I was like that with my Mum and we are like sisters now! Very close.

I hope you feel better about it. It must be difficult stepping so far out of a routine like the one you have with your girls, but it will all be worth it when you can all huddle round together with your newest family member

 

[DaisyRose]

Thanks Dannii, yes, I'm certainly very close to the girls and I guess largely due to the fact that most of the time it is just the three of us, they do rely very heavily on me (particularly my eldest I think - she is a real Mummy's girl).

I think you're right though, it will be good for them (they are pretty close to my Mum even though they don't see her for several months at a time) and they certainly are going to have to learn to share me with LO (they are really looking forward to meeting the baby but I don't think the reality will really hit until he/she is here. I'm a bit worried about Rosie as she's been the babied for a little too long I think!!!).

I'm really looking forward to the moment they all meet - perhaps more than anything else, I'm not sure.

 

[mummysarah+co]

Hiya
I had my baby a week ago and i have 2 other children who are barely old enough to understand what was happening. (3 & a half and 13 months)

It is not silly to worry about this! You are a mother so you are bound to worry about what might happen but children are quite resilient and will most likely play up a bit but should settle once they accept what is happening.

I felt majorly guilty about leaving mine and i made sure i spent as long with them before i went into hospital as possible.

I only spent one night away from them as i didnt want them to feel pushed aside for their baby brother and wanted things to get back to normal sooner rather than later. I also bought pressies for them from baby harvey and i got them to choose a pressie for him beforehand too so they met on "good terms" my daughter is only 13 months old and gets extremely jealous but when she first saw him she was ok as she got a dolly to play with from her brother .

I knew that the children would be well looked after when i was away which made me feel better and i missed them so much for that one night but when you are in the throws of labour i think overall you will mostly concentrate on labouring and giving birth.

Children take things a lot better than we realise sometimes but even if your girls struggle to accept the arrival of your new baby you should find comfort in the fact that it will only be for a few days that you are away from them.

Good Luck hunni x x x

 

[fuffins1981]

I have been in pain for hours now. Just had a massive chunk of (TMI warning) goo comeout on the tissue...

But I am home alone with Tyler and dont want to wake him up to take him to my moms. I know that I may be being silly, but he is my world and he has enough disruptions as it is (me in and out of hospital)

If pains get terrible, will have to wake my little prince though
I know I also owe it to this baby to look after him/her.

I totally understand what you mean Lucy. I have worried for months about it. I cry when I am in hospital if he is not with his dad and i have had to get my mom or sister to look after him. He always tells me how much he misses me.

Because he asked for a brother, he thinks it is his fault when I am in pain or in the hospital It breaks my heart I try to tell him it is not his or the babies fault. It is just my silly body playing up

 

[miffy]

My son will be going to his best friend's house as we haven't got any family out here. I explained last weekend that when baby wants to come out, I'll have to go and see the doctor (didn't want to say hospital!). Now he can't wait as he thinks it will be one big playdate/sleepover! He asks every day "Is baby coming out today?!" Hope he's just as enthusiastic when reality hits!

It is just another thing to worry about and organise when labour starts though - can't imagine how it's all going to slot into place, but I'm sure (hope!) we'll manage.

I've done the same and got some presents ready to exchange when baby arrives!

 

[MissSara]

Harrison will be going to stay with grandad (my dad) but to him thats just fun fun fun as my dad is the biggest softy when it comes to Harrison that he won't even miss me one single bit. Plus my mum and dad have harrison to sleep over at their house at least once a week anyway so it will just be quite normal for him.

My dad is bringing Harrison to the hospital when the baby is born so that he is one of the first people to see him and have a cuddle, we have a present for him that we are taking to the hospital and givig it him from his new little brother.

I know it must be hard not to worry, but i'm sure when the LO's are here that the older children will forget what even happened.........

 

[DaisyRose]

Thanks guys, yes, I do think the present idea is a really good one - I did that when I had Rosie and it seemed to work, and I am planning to do it again (if we get time I will get the girls to make the baby a special card or picture too as they love doing that for people). The girls always love getting new things so that'll definitely be a good thing.

I really wish my folks lived near - if they did the girls would have likely spent a lot more time with them, and stayed over etc, and I'd likely be a lot happier about leaving them. My Mum has a flight booked for the 28th June which is only 4 days before I am due - goodness knows what is going to happen if the baby comes early - OH will either stay at home with them, or the other poss. is for them to go to his parents who are about 2 hrs away (they do know them well although they have never stayed there alone before). I'm not overly happy with either option so I am really hoping the baby hangs on until at least the 29th June!!!

I think it is really important not to feel stressed through labour though - my first one was a nightmare and I had to have an emergency c/section (it is always in the back of my mind that it may happen again which would mean longer away from home/ longer recovery) but my 2nd went extremely well, and I do think this was down to the fact that I was well organised and I was happy with everything at home. Mum was over and I put Daisy to bed before I left so she didn't have to watch me go. I actually found that I wanted to stay in the night after to recover, and to spend time with Rosie - I am really glad I did that and would like to feel I can do it again.

 

[Minime]

I am sooo stressed out over this issue. We have NOBODY to look after Eefie and I'm due in 3 weeks
My mum hasnt even asked who's looking after him, OH's mum lives in Bali and WANTS to be here but cant.

DD is going to have him, she's only ever looked after him for 2 hours and dont get me wrong they get on well and eefie adores her but she's not that good with kids unlike some her age. Its her hazard perception I'm most concerned about like watching where he is, making sure the cooker is switched off at the wall, watching him if he's in the garden in case he starts swallowing the ruddy cherries falling from next doors tree.
She did change his bum a few weeks ago but put the nappy on back to front

I'm just hoping for the best, OH has a friend local who can pop in to check on DD but it depends if he's working away or not. I asked the hospital if they had any childcare facilities and they were quite rude and said if we brought Eefie they'd have to call social services
DD also has a friend a few doors up who has a good mum who she can always call for help if needed but you just cant help but worry as nobody has ever looked after him more than a couple of hours except me.

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi Mim,

Really sorry to hear you're in a difficult situation, I'm really not surprised that you're very stressed.

How old is your DD? I reckon she may well be absolutely fine once she is faced with the full responsibility. I'd suggest writing some stuff down for her in advance (eg Ethan's routine, what he likes/ dislikes, things to watch out for etc etc) - it may seem a bit extreme but I found it helped me to feel better about the whole thing when I had Rosie. Also I think my Mum found it useful too as she doesn't spend an awful lot of time with the girls and there are lots of little things I take for granted but she doesn't necessarily know. Also, you could try speaking to the other people who would be willing to keep an eye on things & mention that you're really worried - they'll probably be really supportive.

Hopefully you'll only be away for a day or two at the most, and once you've got your baby home you won't have to worry anymore. I hope all goes well for you, I'm sure everything will work out fine so try not to worry too much.

All the best

 

[Minime]

I've wrote his routine down and what to be careful of i.e dont give him grapes unless they're in quarters and he's supervised. DD is 15, she's got friends with babies who manage but I don't think she knows quite enough. Last night she rolled in drunk (pretending not to be). I know its her age and they all do it but what if I'd have gone in last night? She was at the front door at 1am trying to open it, when I asked her what was she doing she said she was cold and was trying to open the door I just cant chance it I really cant so I'm going to ask my mum later, failling that I think homestart can help out.