Just need a little rant

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by KELLYXX, Jan 7, 2008.

  1. KELLYXX

    KELLYXX Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    Some of you may know that a few years ago me and my partner started TTC. 2 ½ years later we bought our first house and moved in together. I decided to go back on the pill as I didn’t know how we would cope with mortgage payments e.t.c. We have been in the house a while now and I want to TTC again. My partner keeps saying that we wont be able to afford it as my wages will drop nearly £200 if I went on maternity and also he doesn’t want to pay child minding fees when I go back to work (which I would have to do full time). The other argument is who would have the baby when I went back to work.

    Is anyone else in/was in this situation?
    Does everyone struggle?

    Each time I mention TTC it ends up with the above argument, then I start thinking that we will never have one if he is thinking like this.
    :cry:
     
  2. leckershell

    leckershell Well-Known Member

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    I don't think there is ever a financially good time to have a baby, but when you become pregnant and then have the baby its amazing what you are happy to live without, and that living off less spending money no longer bothers you. There's not going to be a time where you won't be on less money through maternity leave, and there's unlikely to be a time you won't have to pay childminders unless you can beg and borrow friends and relatives time. So any time to ttc is as good as any other really.

    That didn't really help did it :?

    Hope you figure things out x
     
  3. freepie

    freepie Well-Known Member

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    Yes - similar to us...


    We have recently moved to our first house, and the mortgage is massive... I am pregnant so will be going on maternity leave... I am only going to have 9 months off as cant afford to have the final 3 months off unpaid... We are sort of ok financially - even though nurseryf ees will be about £600 a month... does your work do childcare vouchers?

    Mine does - if i take a pay dip, they give you the equivalent plus more in vouvhers for chilcare, so we will save thousands every year!!! search on the internet...

    also, i am looking to come back 4 days a week, so will also save a little that way, what about anyone helping you out a day a week?

    it will be tight for us, but my husband is 8 years older than I am, and desperatly wants a family... i think you have to really want a child, otherwise you will resent each other regarding money... I am just having to accept that my huisband will have to support me for a few months during maternity leave - as i only get statutory maternity pay... its hard to accept for me, as i am a bit proud when it comes to money - everyone has to make sacrifices when a baby comes....
     
  4. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    well our baby was unplanned and tbh my pregnancy couldnt hav come at a worse time for us financially. we never had any spare money were both in our overdrafts and had loans to pay off and at the time our boiler had just broken down and we had no heating or hot water in october it was awful- we had to find 2 grand out of nowhere! i was stressin to my colleagues while i was preg about how would we cope and they all said "u just do", someone said no matter what ur income, u hav to put a proportion of it aside for a baby and u need to make sacrifices no matter how rich u are. we had a lot of help from my family buying us baby stuff tbh we hardly needed to buy anything it was all bought for us. but i think ur right theres never a "right" time really i think if we hadnt had millie we probably wouldve never got round to ttc coz there'd always be some reason to put it off.

    in answer 2 ur question, yes i think everyone probably struggles?
    i think u need 2 sit down and hav a proper chat with him, ask him if he really does want children and make sure the money thing isnt just an excuse- coz if u want different things u might need to re-evaluate ur relationship, im sorry to sound harsh but its better than finding out years later when its too late that all along he'd changed his mind and didnt want to ttc.
    good luck :hug:
     
  5. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    other than the rich and famous, I think everyone struggles with the new arrival. The thing is... when will be a good time for you to have a baby?... Will your financial situation change in the next 10 years...?? are you actively looking towards getting better paid jobs? Or is the mortgage due to drop in payment soon?

    Yes your partner makes valid points about having a child... but if these points are the only reasons not to have a child, if, how and when are you going to change the situation so that you CAN have a child... assuming that's what you both want.

    Even with a good job, home etc.. theres no way to guarantee the future and it may change... you may end up better or worse. But you get there in the end... :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  6. bobtheunfortunateone

    bobtheunfortunateone Well-Known Member

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    The best time to have a baby is when you are ready! It's amazing how much you can give up when a baby comes along. I gave up work to be a full time mum, as I was min wage and we didn't want to pay someone else for the pleasure of our kids, if need be at a later date I can always get bar work or weekend work, but my hubby lost all his overtime and shift work and had we had to cope on his basic wage and mine and we coped so we took the next step and had our lad and we have another on the way. So long has there is love thats all that maters!

    My Hubby grew up with money (hardworking dad granted) and a swimming pool, maid etc and I grew up with biliffs knock at my mums door, so I hope we have a happy medium! :cheer:
     
  7. sparky

    sparky Well-Known Member

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    we're planning to take a repayment holiday on our mortgage for the 6 months i'll me on maternity pay, to help with money. That might be an option for you. Calculate how much money you spend on uneccassary things each month, you'll be suprised!

    Childcare vouchers like freepie said are a good idea, or you could employ a friend or family member to help out
     
  8. KELLYXX

    KELLYXX Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all for your replies.

    You all have good points. I spoke to my partner last night and he says he wants to wait another few months.

    I have told him that if he keeps saying we can't afford it yet, then when will be able to afford it.

    I have worked out all the benefits we will get, (not sure if we will get the sure start grant) and i have asked our mortgage if we can have the 6 month maternity break and we can. To me i think we can afford it.

    I just feel like its one sided at the moment.

    Like one of you said "does he really want one". I know he does but I also want him to want one as much as i do.

    I just hope that my time will come soon.

    But honestly all of your advice has helped me.

    Thanks
     
  9. Tadpole

    Tadpole Well-Known Member

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    Hiya,

    I had the same conversations with my friends when we were thinking about ttc. They ALL said exactly the same thing - there is NEVER a right time financially as the the more you earn the more you spend. And like any other time in your life when your finances go up and down, you just manage. I think things will always work out okay - sometimes it might be a bit hairy for a while but if you have been able to support yourselves fine up till now there is no reason to believe you would suddenly be unable to cope. I just had a look around at all the other people with children - some better off than us and some worse - and they ALL manage and cope fine one way or another.

    Remember, cliched as it may be, love is more important than money.
     
  10. KELLYXX

    KELLYXX Well-Known Member

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    well after my little rant and a lot of talking we have decided that we are going to TTC again :dance: :dance:

    It helped to get things out in the open and now i know it is both what we want, he was just worried about money e.t.c

    Thanks for all the advice

    x
     
  11. sparky

    sparky Well-Known Member

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    yippee!!! your oh is just being ultra sensible, you both have jobs and a roof over you heads so getting by on a wee bit less money for a while isnt really a problem.

    Hope to hear of a BFP from you soon :hug:
     
  12. Geordie&Bairn

    Geordie&Bairn Well-Known Member

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    I was in the same places as you hon not to long ago
    My James wanted to wait till we had more money :wall:
    And a mortage :roll:
    Well on my patehetic wage as a nursery nurse that was never gonna happen.
    We cant afford the house prices here :(
    So if we waited we'd have never had a baby. :cry:
    It took James 4 years to change his mind he nearly backed out agian.
    We both do still worry about money and housing
    But now we our expecting out first little one James is a proud dad to be who is over the moon and loves his Son more then anything. :hug: :cheer:
    Well manage i know we will and i have a huge family to help me out.
    So it will be ok in the end. :D
    I thought at one point staying with James would mean never having a child of my own but now im happy to say thats no the case

    I Hope that this is the same for you Hon :pray: :pray:
    fingers crossed lol
    :hug: Sarah
     
  13. heles7

    heles7 Well-Known Member

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    :clap:

    hurray for sorting out your man. mine was very reluctant too although money wasn't the main reason. we weren't - and still aren't living together yet. We are waiting for a house sale to go through now but seems like baby could well arrive before the house does...

    Whenever I feel a panic coming on, I always think of the ladies on here. there always seems to be somebody worse off than me and we all have it in us to cope with whatever cards we're dealt.

    Good luck xx
     
  14. Snuggle

    Snuggle Well-Known Member

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    Yay I'm glad you worked it out, best of luck TTC :hug: :hug:
     

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