Just angry

[Alexis2017]

Thanks for the lovely replies. I got through the day...just. when i got home I wantwd to roll up in a ball amd cry but instead I made myself go out with DH and go see Thor and I laughed as it was very funny. I am glad I went. Going my 1st horse riding lesson tmrw as an adult...DH is away tmrw staying at a boys night in so that will be the test when I am on my own tmrw night.

Glad you talked yourself into going out. Sometimes it's easier to distract yourself than you think. Hope you enjoy your riding lesson. I did bit of riding when I was young but then the stables closed and I never took it back up. Maybe tonight you can just enjoy a bit of 'me' time? Hot bath, good book or a girlie movie accompanied by some ice cream? That's what I'd do I think!!

I had a emotional breakdown this morning and cried and shouted at DH. Then he made me go to my lesson and I actually loved it and booked in for Thursday. DH left when I got back. I made myself some slimming world fakeaway marinated chicken kebab with home made chilli sauce and sw chips and now enjoying a glass of fizz and watching tv. I logged in to fb there to see the girl in my work has now made her pregnancy official on fb. It got to me but I told myself one day it will be my announcement.

Yes it will. I said in another reply that I do know how hard it is and I shouldn't have said that. I know how hard I have found it and we are all very individual so no, I don't know how you feel and I'm sorry I said that.

I Just really want to give you a big hug xx

Aww thanks GG. I am hanging on in there well at keast until there isn't any other option. I am in this for the long run but right now I am just hoping I don't have to wait another year for my bfp. Don't be sorry you said that. Every women on here who has been ttc for a while knows this pain and heart ache. I just wish I didn't knoe about this world vut at the same time It will have made me stronger and if I ever have a baby I will fully know how lucky I really am.

I think any baby born to or cared for by a mother who really struggled with fertility will be really really appreciated. Can't find the words to say what I really mean by that but hopefully you'll get it.

Yea I get what you mean 100%! Xx

 

[LuckyLaura]

I agree GG. If I'd fallen immediately it would have been amazing but at the same time I'd never have met u ladies and also id never have appreciated what so many of us go through and would have stayed naive. I think everything happens for a reason. Every bad thing I've had happen in my life has led to something positive that has stayed with me moving forward whilst the bad things melt away eventually. I'm hoping this is the case this time that all this will be forgotten but I'll have made some amazing support networks and friends xx

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

 

[MoominGirl]

When I joined this forum, I didn't expect it to be so positive. It's what gets me through some days as when I'm feeling down, it's nice to know that someone actually gets it. OH also appreciates that I'm not venting at him all the time haha. I think when you work harder for something you appreciate it more. I also know I'd never ask invasive questions like people have done to me. How naive people who've had it easy can be is amazing.

 

[LuckyLaura]

So angry at myself How could I have been so stupid? I had bleeding on 2nd and I felt too weird about dtd that night cuz I don't like to do that kinda thing with period/blood etc Then I find out that since I am due ovulation that it is probably an ovulation bleed and I will have completely missed it cus Im a moron how could I be so dumb

 

[xMillie]

So angry at myself How could I have been so stupid? I had bleeding on 2nd and I felt too weird about dtd that night cuz I don't like to do that kinda thing with period/blood etc Then I find out that since I am due ovulation that it is probably an ovulation bleed and I will have completely missed it cus Im a moron how could I be so dumb

Had you dtd in the few days before it?
Hopefully you've still caught
It's rubbish that we have to time this right xx

 

[MoominGirl]

So angry at myself How could I have been so stupid? I had bleeding on 2nd and I felt too weird about dtd that night cuz I don't like to do that kinda thing with period/blood etc Then I find out that since I am due ovulation that it is probably an ovulation bleed and I will have completely missed it cus Im a moron how could I be so dumb

Had you dtd in the few days before it?
Hopefully you've still caught
It's rubbish that we have to time this right xx

Try not to be so hard on yourself - I know it's difficult. If you've never had it then you wouldn't know to expect it so worse case - at least you'll know in future. As Millie says, if you've dtd leading up, then hopefully it won't be an issue!!

 

[LuckyLaura]

So angry at myself How could I have been so stupid? I had bleeding on 2nd and I felt too weird about dtd that night cuz I don't like to do that kinda thing with period/blood etc Then I find out that since I am due ovulation that it is probably an ovulation bleed and I will have completely missed it cus Im a moron how could I be so dumb

Had you dtd in the few days before it?
Hopefully you've still caught
It's rubbish that we have to time this right xx

We did on the 31st then this was on the 2nd so it probably was too early to make any difference

 

[LuckyLaura]

So angry at myself How could I have been so stupid? I had bleeding on 2nd and I felt too weird about dtd that night cuz I don't like to do that kinda thing with period/blood etc Then I find out that since I am due ovulation that it is probably an ovulation bleed and I will have completely missed it cus Im a moron how could I be so dumb

Had you dtd in the few days before it?
Hopefully you've still caught
It's rubbish that we have to time this right xx

Try not to be so hard on yourself - I know it's difficult. If you've never had it then you wouldn't know to expect it so worse case - at least you'll know in future. As Millie says, if you've dtd leading up, then hopefully it won't be an issue!!

I can't believe I didnt even know this was a thing

 

[MoominGirl]

So angry at myself How could I have been so stupid? I had bleeding on 2nd and I felt too weird about dtd that night cuz I don't like to do that kinda thing with period/blood etc Then I find out that since I am due ovulation that it is probably an ovulation bleed and I will have completely missed it cus Im a moron how could I be so dumb

Had you dtd in the few days before it?
Hopefully you've still caught
It's rubbish that we have to time this right xx

Try not to be so hard on yourself - I know it's difficult. If you've never had it then you wouldn't know to expect it so worse case - at least you'll know in future. As Millie says, if you've dtd leading up, then hopefully it won't be an issue!!

I can't believe I didnt even know this was a thing

I've lost count how many things that I didn't know were a thing til I started all this lol!! I used to feel really stupid in the beginning but now I just try and think of it as another lesson learned.

 

[LuckyLaura]

So angry at myself How could I have been so stupid? I had bleeding on 2nd and I felt too weird about dtd that night cuz I don't like to do that kinda thing with period/blood etc Then I find out that since I am due ovulation that it is probably an ovulation bleed and I will have completely missed it cus Im a moron how could I be so dumb

Had you dtd in the few days before it?
Hopefully you've still caught
It's rubbish that we have to time this right xx

Try not to be so hard on yourself - I know it's difficult. If you've never had it then you wouldn't know to expect it so worse case - at least you'll know in future. As Millie says, if you've dtd leading up, then hopefully it won't be an issue!!

I can't believe I didnt even know this was a thing

I've lost count how many things that I didn't know were a thing til I started all this lol!! I used to feel really stupid in the beginning but now I just try and think of it as another lesson learned.

Yeah that's true. Theres so much to take in haha I'm just angry at myself for possibly missing such a perfect opportunity lol would be typical of me I always make my own life more difficult without even realising it grr

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[Alexis2017]

If it's any comfort I've omly had ovulation bleeding once and dtd and made no difference so don't beat yourself up. What will be...will be. You honestly never now. This ttc lark is weird amd tough but also amazing when ...and it is when when it all works out in the end

 

[_GG_]

If it's any comfort I've omly had ovulation bleeding once and dtd and made no difference so don't beat yourself up. What will be...will be. You honestly never now. This ttc lark is weird amd tough but also amazing when ...and it is when when it all works out in the end

I had ovulation bleeding in the cycle after taking a rest cycle. I felt it as well. We dtd the day after and I didn't catch. Had loads of symptoms and everyone said an ovulation bleed was the sign of a really strong ovulation...but it didn't work that cycle.

Next cycle, no feelings, no bleeding, no symptoms other that sore boobs and they're pretty normal feeling now, yet I'm now 5+2.

Our bodies are so strange and it's so frustrating not knowing what's going on. I had a proper scare last night and got no sleep because I thought some pinky/orangey cm was the start of another loss. Turns out it's just that my diet is good so it's an excess of vitamins from the pregnacare max.

There's so much that is mysterious in this ttc land (feels like hell some days and heaven others) that I think we all need to go easy on ourselves. Not only do we not know something until we learn it (so should never feel silly) but just when we think we have it figured out, our bodies go and fuck us over by doing weird shit to us.

Be kind to yourselves. Xxx

 

[Ammonite]

Best of luck to you I'm your ttc journey. I felt the same before the born of my first child!

 

[Alexis2017]

I was coping okay past few days. THEN...my friend sends me a pic of 8 of the girls in my old work with there new babies. I immediately felt inadequate....a failure. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I also wanted to ask my friend why she would send me that...she has a new baby too amd she knows we are struggling to conceive. I know feel a bit sad....never managed to dtd last night so was bit annoyed but I was so tired. We have only dtd cd#8 and 10...misssed cd12 yest so going for cd13 tonight then prob try cd 14 and 16...then 18. No pos opk or temp rise yet but I am sure I ovulate before my pos opk.

 

[_GG_]

I was coping okay past few days. THEN...my friend sends me a pic of 8 of the girls in my old work with there new babies. I immediately felt inadequate....a failure. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I also wanted to ask my friend why she would send me that...she has a new baby too amd she knows we are struggling to conceive. I know feel a bit sad....never managed to dtd last night so was bit annoyed but I was so tired. We have only dtd cd#8 and 10...misssed cd12 yest so going for cd13 tonight then prob try cd 14 and 16...then 18. No pos opk or temp rise yet but I am sure I ovulate before my pos opk.

Wow...as she knows of your struggles, that does seem very insensitive.

When we are at the 12 week mark and all family know, I have already talked to Dan about doing a post on facebook to talk openly about just how many women struggle to conceive and that it's something that is real and personal and all it takes not to crush someone is to take a second to think before opening your mouth.

I think we all should be able to just talk about it.

 

[Alexis2017]

I was coping okay past few days. THEN...my friend sends me a pic of 8 of the girls in my old work with there new babies. I immediately felt inadequate....a failure. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I also wanted to ask my friend why she would send me that...she has a new baby too amd she knows we are struggling to conceive. I know feel a bit sad....never managed to dtd last night so was bit annoyed but I was so tired. We have only dtd cd#8 and 10...misssed cd12 yest so going for cd13 tonight then prob try cd 14 and 16...then 18. No pos opk or temp rise yet but I am sure I ovulate before my pos opk.

Wow...as she knows of your struggles, that does seem very insensitive.

When we are at the 12 week mark and all family know, I have already talked to Dan about doing a post on facebook to talk openly about just how many women struggle to conceive and that it's something that is real and personal and all it takes not to crush someone is to take a second to think before opening your mouth.

I think we all should be able to just talk about it.

Yeah I want to post on fb saying about the struggle but then again I don't want everyone to know. I find it so difficult to accept this is happening to me somedays I just wish I could scream at the top of my lungs..WHHYYYY MEEEEEEEE Why out of all my friends and ppl I work with ( I am a Nurse so majority are all female) why is it only me who can't seem to make a baby. I don't smoke, hardly drink, I exercise and take care of myself. I work hard all day helping sick children and adults colecting their stem cells and providing life saving treatment, I feel like I am being punished for something. I try to do good deeds every day in the hope I have did enough to be worthy of a precious baby. Nothing I do helps. I have to sit and listen to mums ebery day moan or celebrate their child's daily efforts and I am just roll on to tbe next cycle trying again. I mean the day af shows up is like living the hardest day again and again. I don't want to suffer that day one more time. I am just having a bad day.... ranting helps on here !

 

[MoominGirl]

I was coping okay past few days. THEN...my friend sends me a pic of 8 of the girls in my old work with there new babies. I immediately felt inadequate....a failure. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I also wanted to ask my friend why she would send me that...she has a new baby too amd she knows we are struggling to conceive. I know feel a bit sad....never managed to dtd last night so was bit annoyed but I was so tired. We have only dtd cd#8 and 10...misssed cd12 yest so going for cd13 tonight then prob try cd 14 and 16...then 18. No pos opk or temp rise yet but I am sure I ovulate before my pos opk.

Wow...as she knows of your struggles, that does seem very insensitive.

When we are at the 12 week mark and all family know, I have already talked to Dan about doing a post on facebook to talk openly about just how many women struggle to conceive and that it's something that is real and personal and all it takes not to crush someone is to take a second to think before opening your mouth.

I think we all should be able to just talk about it.

Yeah I want to post on fb saying about the struggle but then again I don't want everyone to know. I find it so difficult to accept this is happening to me somedays I just wish I could scream at the top of my lungs..WHHYYYY MEEEEEEEE Why out of all my friends and ppl I work with ( I am a Nurse so majority are all female) why is it only me who can't seem to make a baby. I don't smoke, hardly drink, I exercise and take care of myself. I work hard all day helping sick children and adults colecting their stem cells and providing life saving treatment, I feel like I am being punished for something. I try to do good deeds every day in the hope I have did enough to be worthy of a precious baby. Nothing I do helps. I have to sit and listen to mums ebery day moan or celebrate their child's daily efforts and I am just roll on to tbe next cycle trying again. I mean the day af shows up is like living the hardest day again and again. I don't want to suffer that day one more time. I am just having a bad day.... ranting helps on here !

It's so hard. One minute you want to scream but then you hold back as once you scream, the whole world knows and that's not what you want either. The only way round it is to rant on here I find. I know what you mean about doing everything right. We don't smoke barely drink etc but still nothing. I'm a cancer nurse so I like to think that my job has a positive contribution to other people. I'm one of the lucky NHS nurses that doesn't work nights or weekends so me and OH don't have conflicting work schedules but it still isn't good enough!!

 

[Alexis2017]

I was coping okay past few days. THEN...my friend sends me a pic of 8 of the girls in my old work with there new babies. I immediately felt inadequate....a failure. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I also wanted to ask my friend why she would send me that...she has a new baby too amd she knows we are struggling to conceive. I know feel a bit sad....never managed to dtd last night so was bit annoyed but I was so tired. We have only dtd cd#8 and 10...misssed cd12 yest so going for cd13 tonight then prob try cd 14 and 16...then 18. No pos opk or temp rise yet but I am sure I ovulate before my pos opk.

Wow...as she knows of your struggles, that does seem very insensitive.

When we are at the 12 week mark and all family know, I have already talked to Dan about doing a post on facebook to talk openly about just how many women struggle to conceive and that it's something that is real and personal and all it takes not to crush someone is to take a second to think before opening your mouth.

I think we all should be able to just talk about it.

Yeah I want to post on fb saying about the struggle but then again I don't want everyone to know. I find it so difficult to accept this is happening to me somedays I just wish I could scream at the top of my lungs..WHHYYYY MEEEEEEEE Why out of all my friends and ppl I work with ( I am a Nurse so majority are all female) why is it only me who can't seem to make a baby. I don't smoke, hardly drink, I exercise and take care of myself. I work hard all day helping sick children and adults colecting their stem cells and providing life saving treatment, I feel like I am being punished for something. I try to do good deeds every day in the hope I have did enough to be worthy of a precious baby. Nothing I do helps. I have to sit and listen to mums ebery day moan or celebrate their child's daily efforts and I am just roll on to tbe next cycle trying again. I mean the day af shows up is like living the hardest day again and again. I don't want to suffer that day one more time. I am just having a bad day.... ranting helps on here !

It's so hard. One minute you want to scream but then you hold back as once you scream, the whole world knows and that's not what you want either. The only way round it is to rant on here I find. I know what you mean about doing everything right. We don't smoke barely drink etc but still nothing. I'm a cancer nurse so I like to think that my job has a positive contribution to other people. I'm one of the lucky NHS nurses that doesn't work nights or weekends so me and OH don't have conflicting work schedules but it still isn't good enough!!

Same...I work mon-fri and work for blood transfusion service but the clinical side not donor side. I do have to do on call but thats 1 week a month covering 1 wknd. Yeah I am so fed up saying...I am fed up! :

 

[Pidgeridoo]

I was coping okay past few days. THEN...my friend sends me a pic of 8 of the girls in my old work with there new babies. I immediately felt inadequate....a failure. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I also wanted to ask my friend why she would send me that...she has a new baby too amd she knows we are struggling to conceive. I know feel a bit sad....never managed to dtd last night so was bit annoyed but I was so tired. We have only dtd cd#8 and 10...misssed cd12 yest so going for cd13 tonight then prob try cd 14 and 16...then 18. No pos opk or temp rise yet but I am sure I ovulate before my pos opk.

So sorry you've had a tough day Alexis! It was very insensitive of your friend too if she knows you've been trying with no luck I hope you feel better in the morning I so so hope this will be your cycle, you so deserve it!

 

[MoominGirl]

I was coping okay past few days. THEN...my friend sends me a pic of 8 of the girls in my old work with there new babies. I immediately felt inadequate....a failure. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I also wanted to ask my friend why she would send me that...she has a new baby too amd she knows we are struggling to conceive. I know feel a bit sad....never managed to dtd last night so was bit annoyed but I was so tired. We have only dtd cd#8 and 10...misssed cd12 yest so going for cd13 tonight then prob try cd 14 and 16...then 18. No pos opk or temp rise yet but I am sure I ovulate before my pos opk.

Wow...as she knows of your struggles, that does seem very insensitive.

When we are at the 12 week mark and all family know, I have already talked to Dan about doing a post on facebook to talk openly about just how many women struggle to conceive and that it's something that is real and personal and all it takes not to crush someone is to take a second to think before opening your mouth.

I think we all should be able to just talk about it.

Yeah I want to post on fb saying about the struggle but then again I don't want everyone to know. I find it so difficult to accept this is happening to me somedays I just wish I could scream at the top of my lungs..WHHYYYY MEEEEEEEE Why out of all my friends and ppl I work with ( I am a Nurse so majority are all female) why is it only me who can't seem to make a baby. I don't smoke, hardly drink, I exercise and take care of myself. I work hard all day helping sick children and adults colecting their stem cells and providing life saving treatment, I feel like I am being punished for something. I try to do good deeds every day in the hope I have did enough to be worthy of a precious baby. Nothing I do helps. I have to sit and listen to mums ebery day moan or celebrate their child's daily efforts and I am just roll on to tbe next cycle trying again. I mean the day af shows up is like living the hardest day again and again. I don't want to suffer that day one more time. I am just having a bad day.... ranting helps on here !

It's so hard. One minute you want to scream but then you hold back as once you scream, the whole world knows and that's not what you want either. The only way round it is to rant on here I find. I know what you mean about doing everything right. We don't smoke barely drink etc but still nothing. I'm a cancer nurse so I like to think that my job has a positive contribution to other people. I'm one of the lucky NHS nurses that doesn't work nights or weekends so me and OH don't have conflicting work schedules but it still isn't good enough!!

Same...I work mon-fri and work for blood transfusion service but the clinical side not donor side. I do have to do on call but thats 1 week a month covering 1 wknd. Yeah I am so fed up saying...I am fed up! :

I'm also fed up being fed up!! I think with these sorts of nursing jobs, they attract a lot of working mums for obvious reasons. For me, I always hated shift work so I wanted the job anyway but it means hearing about family issues all the time. I insisted on leaving on time tonight as I've been late finishing 2 nights in a row with everyone giving a childcare related reason as to why they couldn't stay