Is not coping! :(

[scaredmum2be]

I suffered a mc in september last year i was 12 weeks pregnant at the time, didnt get a chance to have a scan but me and hubby had a name we picked out before we lost our little one so to help us try and deal with the loss we called her Trinity, even though we didnt know the sex she was a girl to us.

Through 3 days of agony pain physically it tore me apart straight after i lost the baby i didnt even know i was losing until it had happened as the doctors only put in a gyna ward still i knew nothing i was just in that much pain i fainted at the entrance at A&E.

read this link this is a better understanding of explaining: http://trinity-thorpe.gonetoosoon.org/

I am now 16 weeks pregnant after i found in november and i was crapping myself thinking it was to soon which at the time pain is still raw 2 months after losing baby T as we call her .

I couldnt get rid of it at the time i thought it was to soon i couldnt go through an abortion but being pregnant this time its so hard for me to be greatful because baby t was very planned an on this pregnancy it wasnt, i know i sound horrible and ungreatful, i am greatful that ive got a second chance but all my excitement went out the window with our other baby and i cant seem to enjoy this pregnancy one bit, im scared if i have a girl that i wont be able to bond thats why im more hoping for a baby.

Im scared of alot of things in this pregnancy not just the pain i went through but because i really wantd the other baby i feel i cant be happy because if i did i will be replacing her which we wont be i know but it just feel as if we would be.

ive not been excited more crapping myself maybe and i hate feeling this way but i cant help it an i sound very stupid silly, but its hard to move on when on March the 11th baby Trinity should of been born an on April 11th would be my 21st birthday and she would be a month old i was looking foward to my birthday with the other baby now im not with this one.

I cant believe how ungreatful i actually sound when reading this but i do think im greatful on one thought but i cant get over losing our first its just so horrible to even think bout.

If i go an get therapy now i feel as if ppl dont want me to grieve in my own way an it doesnt seem that long ago since i lost her :'( if in a years time my pain is still raw then i would consider going to seek help.

Also with my BMI being low ive already lost weight in the past when i went for help about my past problems and i kept losing weight an i do care about this baby just cant seem to enjoy it properly if you know what i mean and i dont want to go through another miscarriage ever again.

so sorry for the long post x

 

[scaredmum2be]

Ive also had an eating disorder an it hasnt fully cured so im scared of getting fat absolutly terrified because im not in control of my body when my body gets big to the point i cant find my feet bare in mind ive had an eating disorder since i was 11 years old an now im 20 so my body has been through the mill yeah i agree its nothing good i know that now, ive tried getting help it hasnt helped so i do what ive done for years battle it on my own. Im eating more as im pregnant i can tell ive put on weight but its when i have to go on the scales i try and avoid because i feel bit bloated. i bet people on here think im well stupid lolx

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

I dont think this is something you should be dealing with on your own, its too much. Do you have family support or other support network? Would you consider going to talk to someone who would listen to you and offer ways and methods of coping? Hun, I hope you find a way around this

 

[MrsR]

Aw babe no one is going to think you're stupid! You will put on weight but if you eat healthily and don't 'eat for two' (it's proven that you shouldn't do thus anyway) then the weight you put on will be just healthy for bubs. Rember that there's things after birth you can do. Just do gentle exercise and be healthy.

As for not feeling good about this pregnancy I kind of know how you feel. I had a mmc at 10 weeks but didn't find out until 12 week scan. I had no pain but the emotions were overwhelming and I was absolutely terrified of it happening again! I've felt disconnected from baby until last couple of days. I think that things will get better, remember that this baby is NOT a replacement for Trinity, it's a whole other being. Thisll probably sound weird but losing Trinity was probably meant in order to make room for this baby. I had a healing session that dealt with baby I lost (Olivia) and I truly believe that the angels needed her for her higher good and that she now protects this baby. See this baby as a blessing, if you can, something that was obviously meant to be and Trinity needed to leave you for that to happen.

I hope that I help. Good luck honey and congratulations!

 

[scaredmum2be]

Ive had no way of other help its how ive had to plod along because i feel no one actually understands me or has gone through the same even though people have i just feel that if i went to talk to someone face to face about it they wouldnt of gone through the same thing and i havent found any one on the internet that has gone through the same as yet.

Will have to look about more for support groups.
My family say they understand but they dont look it or seem to be interested in what ive got to talk about.
my mum has had 4 miscarriages but she has to gte drunk an talk about it an start crying about it but she goes on about how it used to be in them days im like wtf and that dont seem to help. and with my eating disorder my sister had an eating disorder but i suffered with bulimia to but when i first had the eating disorder it started off with anorexia and then wen my mum an sister kept saying i kept sticking my fingers down my throat at that time i never so no one believed me in the end it ended in bulimia but that stopped awhile ago and now i just have anorexia but i now eat when im hungry every few hours an i praise myself so i think im doing well on that bit.

I just not coping on losing baby T xx

 

[scaredmum2be]

Aw babe no one is going to think you're stupid! You will put on weight but if you eat healthily and don't 'eat for two' (it's proven that you shouldn't do thus anyway) then the weight you put on will be just healthy for bubs. Rember that there's things after birth you can do. Just do gentle exercise and be healthy.

As for not feeling good about this pregnancy I kind of know how you feel. I had a mmc at 10 weeks but didn't find out until 12 week scan. I had no pain but the emotions were overwhelming and I was absolutely terrified of it happening again! I've felt disconnected from baby until last couple of days. I think that things will get better, remember that this baby is NOT a replacement for Trinity, it's a whole other being. Thisll probably sound weird but losing Trinity was probably meant in order to make room for this baby. I had a healing session that dealt with baby I lost (Olivia) and I truly believe that the angels needed her for her higher good and that she now protects this baby. See this baby as a blessing, if you can, something that was obviously meant to be and Trinity needed to leave you for that to happen.

I hope that I help. Good luck honey and congratulations!

"Thisll probably sound weird but losing Trinity was probably meant in order to make room for this baby." I dont think it sounds wierd ive been tryin to say this in my head for ages it just dont appear to be working thank you x

 

[keljordan]

A few years ago my sister lost her baby boy at 22 weeks, she called him Noah. I was there with her on the day when she had to give birth to him, never In my life have I wanted to take someones pain away so much, I hated her having to go through this alone ( no father) when he was born she was asked if she wanted to hold him but she was in such a state she said no so they just brought him in a little Moses basket. As tiny as he was he looked perfect, even though they told her he only had one kidney, the one he had was wriddled with cysts, part of his bowel was missing and he hardly had any amniotic fluid surrounding him at all. He even had the same cute shaped little lips as her. My sister took a long time to come to terms with this and is still and never will be fully over it, but she has a gorgeous little girl to focus all her love on now and takes her on regular trips to the cemetary ( birthdays, Christmas, and mothers day) so she can tell her all about her big brother noah who lives in the angel garden because he is needed up there. No one can explain why these things happen and I often look at my sister and really admire her for what she has overcome. There will never be a day goes by when she doesn't think about him as she always says gone but never forgotten. Please get help with your disorder for you and your little one they will need you so much when they arrive x I really hope you can get better you sound like you have lost your way a little but you can do this I know you can I have seen it xxxxx so sorry for the massive story but just don't want you to feel alone on this. Xxxxxx

 

[scaredmum2be]

aww thanks hun means alot x

 

[karenandbump]

Hi hon, Just wanted to say it's totally understandable how ur feeling...losing a bay is a nightmare u can't understand unless u have been through it and it can affect you in different ways.

I would def try and get some help - someone to talk this stuff through with...might help

xxx

 

[Rowesb]

the feelings that you have described are certainly ones that I have felt during ths pregnancy hun

I really think that u should consider some form of support, I know near us there are specific mc counsellors, also the miscarriage association are really good, it may help u enjoy/adapt to this pregnancy a little more... u will never forget baby t, and no one should ever ask u too....