Is it me?

[evie_smith]

Or would you feel a tad put out?

This may go on a bit but I would really appreciate your opinions please xxx

I love my mother to bits! We never really clicked in the last few years I lived there and our relationship got better when I moved out. It's not that we argued but we had different opinions I always felt like I was in the way. She wanted me to give her lots of money basically but pushed very hard for it. I was thinking about going to uni and getting government funding to build a better future but mum told me I couldn't and I needed to pay her money as as soon as I left school - literally as soon as I left! And was still doing GCSE's she couldn't afford to keep me :-/ now I know if that was my child I don't think I could say that to them! I went to college as I got money to go from the government on the basis that i could go to college as long as when i got a part time job and paid money to my mum as she couldn't afford me. she paid for my hairdressing kit that was £500 on the basis that I get a job so at 16 I went college Monday-Wednesday finishing at 8pm I got £30 for going college as I needed for lunch and assignments. I got myself a job Thursday and Friday (mum would tell me to go out and not come back till dinner time until the day I got a job) this was from 9am to 5pm EVERY day and so I did - what ever the weather and got lucky and 7 months later got my job £2 an hour thurs and Friday in a hairdressers sweeping the floors ext 10hour shifts (although I was applying for everything) - my mum always said to me that I keep everything up to £70 to for my own place as she couldnt afford me but any extra wage I had to give to her unfortunately my money came to £70 a week! So I was still told to go out weekends to look for a weekend job this is when I moved out with my boyfriend (now my husband) I was never in the house with my mum and always felt like what ever I did wasn't good enough but mum didn't want me using her electric when she wasn't there so I even bought my food all week as I wasn't in the house! My own clothes and paid my own way through college and job after the initial kit was bought. After I moved out I used to call a few times a week but EVERYTIME I called it was "oh I'm busy doing "this" or "that" and one time after 4 months of calling and not one visit from her average call less then a min and a half! She never called me once! I got a excuse of "oh I've just been sat down relaxing doing nothing, I just want to relax call back later" I was gutted!! We continued to put the effort in my end (my husband has never been happy with the effort my mother has put in but would never say ANYTHINK) we got several times "now you have left home you have gone I can't afford to take you back kids or not so don't mess up" out of the blue for no reason! Its jot like she even knew much as phone calls only lasted normally
Hi mum
Hi - look im busy can you call back later
Oh ok- its just
Yea got to go

Thats it!

Now she will call her sister loads and talk to her loads a few times I've called and she tells me I'm on the other line with *sister* and I've just said oh ok. Our conversations will last about 7 mins now as I've had 7 years of persevering - but it's hard! We only visit once a year an she won't come to mine at all! She just says she doesn't like to travel! The only times she has been up is if someone else drives! She seems quite happy to have me there and every now and then says come over for Christmas so I can give the grandchildren their presents. But otherwise no effort! In the 7 years I haven't been living there she has called 5 times! In 7 years and that's only to say congrats after I had first grandchild! And 4 times to return calls when I have called her about 3times and she hasn't answered. And when I said oh no just fancied a chat she has said ah ok then and then not long after said something along the lines of while I'm just about to .... Anyway so I will talk to you later.

She has text a handful of times also. I know she is my mother! I just feel like there is nothing there! I love her to bits but is it her personality? Or can she really not be bothered?! I always hear my friends saying oh it's mum calling again and moaning and it makes me so sad ive never had that there is loads there my end but her end I feel nothing! From a young age I have cooked for myself and brother as she had night shifts so only seen her weekends (from 13yrs!) and I don't know what to think. The other night I called and thought "oh maybe she isn't in from work" gave it 5 mins and said hello have you just got in? She said no she has been in for a bit but watching the soaps so hurry up while adverts are on (this is the only time we talk - during adverts!) so basically she saw me calling and ignored it! OMG is this all just hormones?! Xx

 

[evie_smith]

Also I know it's properly just me and being silly so if it is please please tell me !!! Xx

 

[tiaflame]

Sorry to read this Hun.it doesn't sound nice but I know when your pregnant, your hormones run wild and everything seems like a tragedy. I hope you and your mum can work things out xxxx


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[evie_smith]

Thanks bab she doesn't see any problem with it I just don't know if its normal for mums to put that little effort in? Otherwise we get on really well I just see no effort at her end if I say anything I her she will only tell me to stop being silly and she hasn't got time for the conversation lol! No point saying anything

 

[tiaflame]

Mums can be pains in the bum at times! Me and my mum clash bigtime lol. Well at least you can say you're a fantastic mummy to your babies xxx


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[evie_smith]

Thanks bab - sorry your mum and you clash. There is no clashing with my mum we don't have enough communication to clash aha!!!

 

[evie_smith]

Also I don't know if anyone can answer me this but is it normal to not ring your mum for 6 months to see if she rings and she didn't bother to ring or text once! In the end I rang her and she didn't think anything of it and said she was busy is that normal??

 

[tiaflame]

Also I don't know if anyone can answer me this but is it normal to not ring your mum for 6 months to see if she rings and she didn't bother to ring or text once! In the end I rang her and she didn't think anything of it and said she was busy is that normal??

My hubby used to like this with his parents, maybe not 6 months but used to be 2-3 months at a time xx


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[evie_smith]

No it was 6 months I only rang her as I was expecting again and thought she should know then another 4 months past and I told her about some pregnancy stuff and same response she was busy but nice to hear from me as I hadn't bothered but talk later?!

 

[tiaflame]

No it was 6 months I only rang her as I was expecting again and thought she should know then another 4 months past and I told her about some pregnancy stuff and same response she was busy but nice to hear from me as I hadn't bothered but talk later?!

Hmmm very odd, I don't think it's a normal mother/daughter relationship then tbh. Specially when's she's a grandma and a new one on the way xx


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[evie_smith]

That's what I was thinking but wasn't sure if it was me being all - you know! As women do! Lol she has always been hands off with all us kids when the marriage broke up I think she felt like she failed and she didn't want that she wanted a full family and maybe she feels like she wanted to start over - I don't know! It's very strange her first boy she left with her ex then when she had me and bro and marriage didn't work she was ok but found love very quickly and became very much very fast focused on her new partner and we became a back seat (maybe not as she intended it but that's how it felt) she stood up for us though being little (this man became very much a bully to me and brother especially brother) and she kind of let him carry on like he was dad and we had to call him dad for a bit then it broke off and she became good with us again and we had a lovely relationship then she found someone else then we were pushed back. All be it a bit older, when they broke off she was working allot and I didn't see her so just felt an inconvenience. She has more to do with my younger brother than me buying him computers he never had a job letting him live there with no job or college buying him clothes and a new computer but I wasn't even allowed the Internet when I was there! I just don't understand it! She said all she ever wanted was girls and she was over the moon when she had me - did I not turn out like she had hoped??! God knows

 

[tiaflame]

Hugs xx

 

[babyslog]

Evie... my friend is having the very same problem and my heart goes out to her.. and you for having to go though it.

Cut a story short.. She is from Warrington, but met her OH on holiday 4yrs ago and moved to South Wales. Ever since her mum has been well.. 'jealous' is the only way i can put it of her life.. she is happy, inlove, has a gorgeous girl and currently 15weeks pregnant.
Her mother never vists to wales, and over the last 14months hasnt had much contact with her. She has told her she doesnt want anything to do with this babies life as shes blaming my friend on apprently 'shutting her out' because she lives in wales, she doesnt ask how her grand daughter is. She didnt call to ask how her scans went and she hasnt heard from her in about 3 weeks.
Her twin sister seems to be doing the same with the phonecall situation.

Luckily her OHs family are very loving and see them all very often. I just feel bad that for u and her u both have mothers.. and they dont bother!! When theres women out there that dont have mothers or daughters that have either passed away or never new who their few parents are..
ITS SAD!!
I hope that u can mend things with ur mum, dont ever blame urself.. its nothing to do with hormones!!
She has 3 almost 4 beautiful grandchildren and she should make the effort.. uve done enough to try!!!

Hope ur ok hun xxxxx

 

[evie_smith]

Yea I'm good thanks bab called her mobile again today to see if it was me as I've left her about 3 missed called now in the week and not had one returned and she didn't answer again :-/ chances are she is working but doesn't take much to text me saying that! I never thought of her being jealous - idk maybe she is?! After all I suppose I have what she has always wanted when I was moaning the other month she said something about ending up on her own in the end anyway and "always the way" I know for allot of people it is but it's like she expects it! And jumped to that - idk! Hummm maybe your right! Well that's new food for thought!

 

[babyslog]

Hopefully your mum isnt jealous.. but other family members of my friends have said she is to her.

Last year it was her mothers 50th, she got a train all the way to warrington with her daughter at the time only 1 and half!
They went out for a meal and it was about 10pm and she said to her mum im sorry but isit ok to go home now to put imogen to bed.. (she was staying at her mums) her mum flipped out called her RUDE and SELFISH for spoiling her 50th...
SHE ASKED TO GO HOME TO PUT HER DAUGHTER TO BED AS IT WAS 10PM!!!
Her mother drove her half way home.. stopped the car and told her to get out and go back to wales!!! it was 10pm!???

She had to call a friend and stay in her 1 bed flat for the night and got the train home the next day..
Its gone tits up from there...

Hmmm.... strange how some women act like this!? xx

 

[evie_smith]

It is very strange! Not right at all! I can't even think of treating my daughters like that! I would rather have an interfering mother than someone that doesn't bother much. I tried to come down on the train once and she told me not to bother :-/ See we don't even see each other enough to argue! Aha!!! It is rather bizarre. It's almost like we're a page in her book that has been turned she always said she regretted having kids young as her life was taken away from her! She said she used to listen to that song "much too young" and sing it aloud

"Much to much, much too young - your married with a kid. And should be having fun with me!"

And said she used to think that of herself!

 

[Robyner]

Evie this has made me feel so sad. I can identify in a way although our stories are very different. I recently went on a counselling course ( to learn although it brought out so many things I knew needed to deal with )I braved it and told my mum exactly how I felt. She actually told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to her and lots of misunderstandings were ironed out. We are at the moment on a holiday just the two of us. It sounds like a phone conversation might not work between you, could you write your feelings down? She might be shocked at how you feel?

 

[evie_smith]

I could but the chances are she would get round to "replying to it later" I've done a counselling course just level 1 but she really is impossible to talk to. I managed to get her on the phone for 12 minutes last night 3 if which she told me she was busy and then I said just listen don't want you want to be updated on our house move?! She said go on then. I updated her and she said she was going! Lol!!! I even tried the asking questions about her and the way you say things but she says yea I'm ok - using open questions just leads to "we will have to talk another time I'm super busy" lol!! Never mind ey!

 

[Robyner]

I think you are amazingly gracious to persevere. I think I would have given up. Xxx

 

[evie_smith]

Lol thank you bab I've always been told you have to treat your elders with respect - I'm Christian and it says we have to treat our parents with respect as they made us - but it's strange my mum and dad split when I was 9 and I've only seen him a few times since - yet I still have his number and try to text him! I'm
Such a looser lol!!!