In tears.........;( updated

[Natural mamma]

After my hormonal off load on here yesterday, i have now spent my morning in tears.

My O.H took his daughter (4yrs) home yesterday after she spent the weekend with us. She usually comes every other weekend. So in my head i've had it all planned out (having homebirth).....The ex then announces that he can have her in 3 weeks time and for 10 days (half term). This is all well and good if i wasn't expecting a baby And always go over my dates.

My O.H will now have to drive 3hrs to get her and 3hrs back here to get her four days after my due date..... . She is then due home the night before my induction date....WTF.

She is a very sweet little girl, BUT she is extremely demanding. I have four who all muck in and get on with stuff...but she is an only child and it shows. Daddy is the only person who can do anything for her, and she has him running around like a blue arsed fly.

My children will be going to their Dads for most of the half term, so she will have no one to play with. Me due a baby (or just had one ).

I have been in floods all morning. She won't stay with the friends that are going to have the children if i go into labour and the children aren't at their dads. She sleeps in our bed every morn from about 4am ( i co sleep with my babies). And above all i WANT a STRESS FREE BIRTHING ENVIROMENT AND MY O.H FULL ATTENTION AND SUPPORT.....how do i tell him....
What am i going to do...what a mess.

 

[Babylicious]

wow she sounds like hard work, you need to have a word with your oh who in turn needs to speak to his ex. You don't need her there!

Big

 

[Lou]

Explain it to your OH exactly how you've just explained it to us. You aren't being unreasonable, just practical !

Good luck, I'm sure he'll see where you are coming from and agree with you

 

[Emma58]

I agree with Babylicious you need to speak to him and sort it out. I would feel the same way you do about it though.

Can he not change the times he is having her?

I've asked my OH to tell his ex we will keep the normal routine but can she make sure she is at home with her mobile on because if I go into labour while he is here then she needs to be in because he aint coming to the hosp with me.

My OH's stepdad who is his boss too informed him the other day in a few weeks he will be sending him out on the road to do repairs - I went crazy because it's will fall around when I am due and my OH isn't going to be miles away from home either if I need him.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I agree with all the other ladies, and they have given you sound advice. If this is your first child with your oh then its going to be very special and you need to be together at such a important time.

Sounds like his ex needs a wake up call as well.

Your children sound wonderdul and like they all try very hard to help you

 

[kalia]

She can't come and stay. Just explain it to your OH. Make it very clear that she can't be around for the homebirth so she can't stay if you've not had baby. Also, surely he can't seriously consider a 6 hour round trip when you are about to have a baby at any time! Everything you have said is completely reasonable.

If you are happy to have her if you have had the baby, say that. Personally, I wouldn't be wanting her to stay if I''d just had baby either, but you'll know how you feel about it.

 

[Full of hope!]

 

[Lou]

I disagree go get naked get in ya pool and model it for me on video ...I just need to see how it is incase I decide I want another newb. Cheers ..get to it then 8)

What were we all thinking that is such an obvious solution

midna you naughty girl

 

[Natural mamma]

midna
PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 10:26 am Post subject:
I disagree go get naked get in ya pool and model it for me on video ...I just need to see how it is incase I decide I want another newb. Cheers ..get to it then Cool

You nutter, that put a smile back on my face....


Thanks to all you ladies...i will speak to him. The poor thing though he doesn't need all this.

I have also just realised he will be at work all that week...and my kiddies with their Dad, and me alone with his daughter, either just had baby, or about too

No i must say no....i hate being in this positon, i hope it doesn't make too many waves.

 

[Emma58]

You shouldn't be worried about upsetting him i bet he'll understand when you talk to him about it.
Men being men he probably hasn't even thought.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Good luck hun, im sure he will be fine about it and the ex realistically shoul know you cannot have her daughter about with a homebirth.

 

[Babylicious]

Kepp us posted, I'm sure he'll be fine about it. His ex is out of order for pushing him to have her. Why are some people so inconsiderate

 

[muppetmummy]

You are perfectly right to not want her around that week. If she's an only child I can't imagine her being very understanding of having her dad devoting time to his newborn. I don't think it would be in his daughters interests to be around that week, and it's very unfair on you.
Tell your OH to explain things to his ex, she should surely see where you're coming from with this.

 

[GBLiz]

he's a man, all the problems with the arrangement probably havent even dawned on him!!

im sure when you explain the reality of it he will see its not a feasible plan

 

[libs]

you're just being sensible and practical - and Easter is not long after that so can't she come and stay then instead? Maybe giving another set of dates straight away will make it look more positive

good luck and don't get stressed

 

[clarey]

Awww hun, you are having a tough few days
Your OH's ex must surely understand that this isnt a good plan for anyone at the moment, and it must be so hard to say no but you have to do whats best for you and your new baby,

Really hope your OH gets this sorted out, there will be lots of times for his lttle girl to spend holidays with you once you have settled your LO in and your other kids are around to help out - they sound fantastic!
Good luck try not to stress too much

 

[Natural mamma]

Ok I talked to him tonight....and he completely understands and feels bad not pointing out the obvious to his ex. He now has to be brave and ring her....there communication is very poor at the best of times.

I told him too that we'll play it by hear and squeeze in as many visits as she''ll permitt once we 've had the baby and he/she is settled.

thanku all so much for your support...i felt much better when i read all your replies and even went swimming this afternoon.

I do think he is a little disappointed as he prob won't see her now four a month. So lets have everything crossed i have the babe sooner than later.

Thanks again girls

 

[Lou]

Wicked So glad you got it all sorted

Now you can relax

 

[lisa&alex]

im glad its all sorted... i felt pretty distraught reading that thinking.. omg.. imagine i had someone elses kid to look after the last week of my pregnancy and possible 1st week of my babys life!! umm no!!!

i hope his ex is reasonable.. tell your husband if she goes off on one just tell him to relate it back to her.. and say look at (your) perspective.. you already have 4 kids who you have arranged to go with friends, and the little girl wont go with anyone and you also dont feel comfortable leaving her with anyone.. and its in yours and the childs best interst that she doesnt come at this frantic time. and you will have her other times but she has to be reasonable and relate it back to ehr self and how she would feel if she was due? she would probably send the little girl off to you guys.. so she cant expect you to have her when your due really..

 

[Babylicious]

I'm glad your OH understands, I hope the ex sees sense x