i'm still here too

[CatBana]

Hi ladies, I've been looking in ttc for familiar names and I've found you all in here -where I wish we weren't!!!!!! I've been absent for months, ttc been going downhill for a while now. Been checking in over the last few days because I allowed myself to get my hopes up - af 6 days late!! came today!!!!! at least you all know how I feel.

A bit of an update on my situation, this is my 19th month of ttc, got my gynae appointment next wk (had to change it last month cos it was right bang in the middle of the stupid witch) i got my 21 bloods done in november and husband got a semen analysis but both came back normal.

Unfortunately my marriage is awful right now, my husband has decided to withhold sex. tbh I blame him for not having been pg yet, since we got married aug 09 his sex drive has nose dived and i always have to wait for him to want to do it so often we miss ovulation altogether (no sex december or january, twice this month).

my daughter is 5 now and i feel like I've completely failed her for not providing a sybling yet. just feel like my life is on hold, i want to start exercising and getting fit but am worried about losing weight making me even more infertile, I want a career but don't want to start a job because I don't know how long I can commit.

Don't know if I'll be ttc at all anymore because my husband is being so unfair.
it's good to know you lot know about this long term ttc nightmare, even if you oh's aren't like mine.

 

[positivity :)]

hi catbana,

welcome back! im so sorry its been such a difficult journey for you so far. have you spoken to OH about how you feel? do you think there is anything you can do? maybe the ttc pressure is getting to him?? i hope it all sorts itself out for you soon hun xx

 

[LouiseB]

CatBana, you sound like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders

You and your husband need to work together.

Laying blame is never a healthy thing, ever. It causes stress, resentment and a lot of bitterness.

Plus there are always two sides. Two point of views.

You are married and you have a little girl - you are supposed to be a team

Why is your husbands sex drive bad?

What can YOU do to make it better?

Why is the situation any more his fault than YOUR fault?

I think you both need to go and speak to someone before it is too late. You need to have the foundations in place before you want to continue expanding your family anyway. A baby isn't a solution to a problem...

You need to remind yourself of how much you loved each other before ttc. How much you loved your perfect little family

 

[Kerrieanne]

Hi Cat

Putting the blame somewhere feels good for a while but it's never the answer

I keep thinking my husband deserves better and i sometimes feel like he should leave me and be with someone who he can have a family with.

Thing is, it's neither of our fault it's just MotherNature can be a bitch sometimes!

When i told my hubby how i felt he wasn't best pleased and we had a good chat about it. At least he knows how i feel however mad it may sound.

Most of the time it's my hormones talking anyway

Hope you two sort things out and we are always here when you need a rant!

Kerrie x

 

[Bead]

Hey CatBana
I totally understand how you feel re putting your life on hold. I've cancelled trips to Alton Towers, turned down a ski trip, avoided going back to dentist cos I know he wants to do xrays... so many things I've lost count. Every single life decision at the moment seems to revolve around ttc!!
So I've not got any answers, but can only recommend keeping the communication channels open with your hubby, and try not to put too much pressure on hubby or yourself. Remember you're not alone too, we're here with you all the way
Xx

 

[star fish]

Hi Cat! Not caught up in ages. Big hug to you

If I remember rightly then you guys have been having problems for ages. I really really think you would benefit from having a job. I know you have spent the last few years taking care of your girl but she must be going off to school soon? And I think having money of your own and the freedom and independance it brings would make you feel more confident.

Loosing weight is a great idea as well, it will get you fit for the baby and again will boost your confidence.

You guys might be happier together if you were happier in yourself? I know he can be a nightmare sometimes, they all can, but do try and work it out. I know you've said you felt like divorce sometimes but if you are both into having another child together then work on intimacy too.

Tell me to bugger off if its not advice you want to hear, but seriously consider the job thing. Its great for self esteem, and I have to start exercising again as I put on a ton on of weight in the ten weeks I was pregnant so if you want an exercise buddy (who is very lazy) then let me know. xxx