I'm just going to say what we are really not supposed to...

[babybee]

Thank you so much ladies, I'm so glad it's not just me, I felt like I was so alone in feeling this wayand like a massive failure.

I can see him changing and becoming more alert every day so hopefully it won't be too long until things start falling into place.

I have felt a bit disheartened this week I think because I was preparing to introduce some kind of routine then suddenly his feeding and sleeping has gone all over the place so I'm not sure that will be possible just yet. Xx

Don't worry about a routine now! Everyone told me this and I didn't listen, causing myself so much stress and worry over nothing. It is only recently my son has fallen into his routine. And whatever you do, don't bother with any books or what experts tell you to do, take your lead from your baby. My son has fallen into his own routine of when he wants fed and wants to sleep and I've just worked with this to fit in what I want to do around him, so I go for a walk when he likes to nap in the morning etc. I still hold him for naps sometimes and just veg out watching a film! I spent a long time willing these early months away and I realised he won't want to sleep on me much longer, so I'm just enjoying it while I can.

I had the exact same experience!

 

[Spammy]

Big hugs hun. I completely agree with what the others have said. I found the first 6 weeks pretty hellish tbh! But it really does get easier! Don't worry about stimulation ert, at this age they need very little stimulation. I found the first 6 weeks with Meri was all about eating and sleeping and the doing the most horrendous nappies and needing a full change of clothes. That was pretty much it!!

Just take comfort in the thought that your feelings are completely normal and it really does get easier. Difficult days appear now and then and something will always happen to test you when you just think you have become a pro at being a mother and make you feel completely useless again! Ha ha.

Another thing I found helped was to have a sense of humour about it all. I know most of the time it's really not funny but try and see the funny side. We all have to learn. Motherhood isn't something that comes naturally with most of us despite what ppl tell you.

Loads of love x

 

[Hunnie]

It really is so difficult having a child of any age!! I too struggled in the first few months (like pretty much all mums do!) and even now at nearly 18 months my little madam still tests me but its times like today when she's been an absolute angel at a restaurant and walked out with me hand in hand with not a single tantrum in sight that it makes me so so proud to be a mum! She really is my best friend and I love going everywhere with her and having her with me and I wouldn't be the person I am today without her.

I might sound horrible but if you need a shower, go and get one! Settle him down in his bouncer or swing and plonk him in front of cbeebies and get a shower and make yourself feel a bit better. It's not going to make him any smarter or dumber using the tv as a distraction (I used to use the tv in the bedroom)but it will give you a break and help you to return to normality again, although as a mummy you will probably end up spending at least the next 3 years of your life rushing lol! If he cries when your quickly tidying up then just resettle and go back to what your doing but at the same time I wouldn't waste all your day cleaning as this time while they are so young and dependant on you soon goes and they no longer want cuddles all the time.

Try and get out and about with the pram while its nice as well! I know it's hard and you're probably sleep deprived but if you give little man a feed and then set off out in the pram then the rocking motion will probably keep him sleeping a bit longer and give you a little break from the crying. I would also go see your GP if you feel down. I struggled with PND for a good few months when I had my LO and tbh I wish I had sorted it from day one as I felt I had missed out on the specials moments I should have enjoyed with LO rather than being upset and down in the dumps all the time.

Your life will never go back to the way it used to be but it will get better and having a child really is so so so rewarding!!!

 

[Sue Clare]

I agree with the others, it is hard in the first few weeks when you are sleep deprived etc, but Max is now 12 weeks and sleeps through the night, he's more alert and awake in the day so we play and have quality time together.
When you get a lush smile first thing in the morning, it just makes it all worthwhile and I promise you it WILL get easier, at this stage you just need to 'ride it out' the cleaning will have to take a back seat, I always told myself that as long as I do the bathroom, room baby sleeps in and kitchen thoroughly once a week, that's the main thing. After saying that, if you feel you are really struggling, I would speak to your GP to rule out PND. My sister suffered from this and she went down to 6 stone in weight! Children will always push your patience levels,my 2 girls who are aged 11 & 9 still stress me out! Lol. Chin up and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Xx

 

[clairebear22]

I can't add any more than what everyone else has said. Even after 15 years in childcare looking after under 5's I found it hard when Jack was born and he was an absolute dream newborn. When Harry arrived and he had his terrible colic from week 2-7 i almost walked out on OH and my boys!!! I'm a pretty laid back, level headed person usually but I actually thought i was going insane due to his constant screaming!!! I was on the verge of going to the Doctor for help when his colic cleared and everything got a little bit easier. Now he's 16 weeks and a dream baby whom i adore as much as his big Brother.

All you can do is take one hour at a time hun.

Does he literally scream as soon as he's not feeding and is awake? Harry drank huge amounts of milk while he had colic as it settles the pains. Maybe try some infacol or dentinox colic drops in his feeds (sorry not sure how you're feeding) to see if it helps? x

 

[NavyLouise]

Just adding that you're definitely not a failure! Don't let anyone tell you you're a bad mother or doing things wrong because you aren't. Don't worry about his stimulation, he will be stimulated just by looking around at this age

I was exactly the same and still am to an extent. I spent weeks crying to my oh that I wasn't cut out for motherhood. I hated it, felt like my life was over but I still loved this crying, pooping, whiney creature in my own way.

It does get easier eventually, it can feel like a slog in the mean time. I got through it by taking each day at a time and trying not to worry about routines etc
My lo is almost 8 months now and I still feel like I'm not cut out to be a mother, but my girl is such a happy baby. I can't go anywhere without being stopped and told what a beautiful smiley girl she is, so I must be doing something right.
We are our harshest critics!

So try to relax and do what you need to do, forget about the house. Get through this stage however you can. It also might be good for you to sit and have a chat with your oh? Doesn't sound like he's being very supportive.

Huge hugs xx

 

[leesey]

I'd just like to add, don't forget that your hormones are playing tricks on you too. Your emotions will be all over the place, a combination of pregnancy hormones wearing off and lack of sleep, stress, etc. It can all make you feel really down on yourself and your life. If you continue to feel like this, see your GP and ask if you might have PND. Having that cloud lifted off you can make the world seem like a completely different place. I had an absolute joy of a baby, but battled with feelings of failure and ineptitude for months. It still upsets me sometimes, but even just talking to the GP about it made a difference. I didn't take any medication for it as antidepressants and me don't get on, but if your doctor suggests something, take it. There's no point in being a martyr. It can make the world of difference xx

 

[FirstBabyEek]

I can't add a lot to the great advice that has already been given by the lovely ladies here, but I think how you are feeling is the norm for a lot of ladies. It's such a shock having a baby that it turns everything in its head.

I too felt the same way you do now, it wasn't really until T got to 6 months old that I started to get into my stride. T is a difficult child in that he tells, a lot. He's not happy 70% of the time and I constantly feel like I'm getting it wrong for him. I look forward to his nap times as its chance for a break.

I love him dearly but I'm not sure I'm maternal but I get on with it because I want the best for him
.
Things will get easier. Our your OH on a sex ban until he starts to help out a bit more. Stuff the housework, your baby is more important.

It will get easier I promise xx

 

[haylower]

Hugs

My daughter is now 10 months, and I know this feeling. But dyou know what? It DOESNT LAST. I can tell you 100% that this does not go on forever. These measly few weeks where your hormones SUCK and the baby does nothing but demand you be selfish and HOW DARE YOU WANT TO SHOWER doesnt last. Dont worry bout routine til baby boy is about 10 weeks. They go through a growth spurt right around now

Stick it out, and if youre getting sadder go to a GP. Youll be ok Promise xx

 

[Jmc89]

Awww hun I know exactly how you feel! My LO is 8 weeks now and for the first few weeks I felt exactly like you...turns out I had the baby blues (not saying this is what you have but it may well be) I felt miserable, didn't want my LO to wake everything you mentioned I've felt it! I breastfed for the first week and like you I just felt housebound and he was feeding CONSTANTLY...most days I didn't move off the couch and this was adding to my misery...espec as OH can't do much when all LO wants is fed. I totally believe in doing what is best for yourself...I switched to FF and I know it's not for everyone etc but it made a HUGE difference...my OH could help and take it in turns, I felt more confident to leave the house, my mum took LO a few times and let me & OH go out for a meal etc and feel a little more like my old self. It all passed though and things are SO much better...he is now sleeping loads better and giving the biggest smiles which is so rewarding! Don't feel bad or ashamed at all I think most new mums go through this as you can see from the responses...nobody thinks bad of you for feeling it!

xxxxx

 

[MiniVoid]

May I suggest scary mommy? It's a blog, now two books by Jill sprockler if you get the chance to read bits of here. You'll find she's brutally honest in a funny way and you may find it will cheer you up! I'm sure you're a fab mummy you've only given birth not long ago don't be harsh on yourself! hugs xx

 

[Jmc89]

May I suggest scary mommy? It's a blog, now two books by Jill sprockler if you get the chance to read bits of here. You'll find she's brutally honest in a funny way and you may find it will cheer you up! I'm sure you're a fab mummy you've only given birth not long ago don't be harsh on yourself! hugs xx

Haha MiniVoid I've just had a look at this, think i'll have a read at it...looks like it could be a good laugh thanks!

x

 

[Emma.b]

I'm glad you spoke out tinkerbates as i'm feeling exactly the same.

I tried for near 3 years for my little one. Ended up needing fertility drugs to conceive him. I already have one child he's now 10 years old and i honestly thought 'this will be a breeze as i've done it before' how wrong was i.

Like you i spend my days in my pj's, covered in sick, pee or poop. I have no chance to get a shower or bath as no sooner have i got H settle he'll be waking up for another feed. My OH works and tries so hard to help out which i really appreciate but then i resent the fact that he gets to sleep most nights while i'm up doing the majority of feeds. And i'm the one who tells OH to sleep as i know he has to get up for work, so then i feel bad for thinking bad about him

Today after getting H settled it suddenly hit me that it's going to be like this for a long time, and that is depressing. I miss my freedom, i miss lazy nights on the sofa, i miss being intimate with OH. But i love H dearly and i'm so great full i finally have him. But i do find myself looking forward to next year when he'll be older and more settled, then i feel bad for wishing away his first year :/

I think a lot of my emotions stem from being over tired, i'm really hoping H settles into a routine early.

So your not alone in how your feeling hun, and i'm so glad to hear from someone who thinks/feels the same as me. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me.

x x x

 

[Jem1]

I defo don't think your on your own with this one, I believe for you I feel like that is only natural and motherhood def didn't come like a breeze to me or a lot of other people for that matter. When Elliott was younger I remember crying thinking what had I done, I didn't want to be a mum and it took me nearly 2 months to bond with him. Things do get easier both myself and partner found this, babies (newborns) are boring in my own opinion but when you get a smile, laugh or they recognise you it does make it worth it honestly. If you feel low then speak to your dr as you may be suffering from post natal depression and they can recommend someone to talk to for advice if your not really getting it from other places. Well done for making this post as I know I'd of felt such a relief that I wasn't on my own when my LO was younger.

 

[Jellybeanjen]

I was starting to feel like this with Anna. I have only started getting to enjoy it as she is smiling etc. now and that will make it much more rewarding. At the moment they are all take take and seems like you sepnd all day doing things for them and literally get screamed at in return. But you will soon start seeing the little rewards.

Also, It is very important not to lose YOURSELF and becoming just mum. You are still you so always find time for the things that made you who you are. You are a mum now and that is a huge responsibility but you aren't JUST mum, you are you still and need time with out your baby to do something that you did before. Eg. Play guitar, go out with the girls, play a game etc.

It soon does become easier, I am still trying to ease into it as I felt much like you and on some days I still feel like that. Then I see her smiling and laughing and it just makes me melt inside and I know exactly why I wanted to be a mum. xxx

 

[katie_lou]

Hun massive hugs , the first 12 weeks I found so hard . The reasons where ruby had awful colic and would just scream for hours in end .

I know it's easy to say but it does get better in promise you x x x

 

[MiniVoid]

May I suggest scary mommy? It's a blog, now two books by Jill sprockler if you get the chance to read bits of here. You'll find she's brutally honest in a funny way and you may find it will cheer you up! I'm sure you're a fab mummy you've only given birth not long ago don't be harsh on yourself! hugs xx

Haha MiniVoid I've just had a look at this, think i'll have a read at it...looks like it could be a good laugh thanks!

x

I think it's ace! started reading the blogs n all still pregnant and bought one of the books today! Think it's a great cheer up, course we're going be anxious a little help along the line can't do no harm