I hate being a mum. I love Joseph more than anything and I love cuddling him and seeing him develop but generally motherhood is not what I thought it would be. I thought being a mum was what I was put here for and everyone spent my entire pregnancy telling me I'd be a natural, which I assumed I would too. But I'm not, in fact I think I'm a rubbish Mum. It seems like Joseph is a really miserable baby, he's either asleep, feeding or screaming. He eats and eats and eats, he is only 4 weeks old and has had 18oz since 8am! I spend my days in pajamas not washed or showered and I don't eat any more and barely drink because due to his apetite I am pretty much chained to the arm chair where I just sit all day feeding him and holding him whilst he sleeps because if I try to put hin down to sleep, he screams again. There is no chance to play with him because he is too busy crying for food or a nap so if I try to play it just ends in tears. This in itself worries me that his development will be stunted cos he's having no stimulation. My house is squalid, I don't mean untidy, I mean dirty. I just don't have chance to do anything. My OH has been awful, he doesn't really bother with LO unless I force him to and doesn't take any of the pressure off me but then is always quick to belittle me and make out he knows best and I'm a terrible mum. I don't enjoy being virtually housebound, covered in sick and looking like crap. I find myself wincing when he starts stirring from his sleep. People keep saying 'ooh I wish mine were that little again' and I feel like screaming 'ARE YOU SERIOUS THIS IS HORRENDOUS!' I feel like I can't wait for him to grow up and I am desperate to go back to work. I feel like I've lost all sense of self and all my self confidence. I tried to talk to my mum and she said I should be ashamed of myself and my OH just wantsvto use it as an excuse to leave work and be a SAH dad. Well that's not happening for numerous reasons, mainly because that's not what I want, I want to be Josephs main carer and I want to be here for him, I just want to feel happier about doing it. I've got nobody else to talk to about this and I feel so guilty for feeling this way.