I need to win my Pregnant.Ex Girlfriend back.

[B00533842]

Hi Everyone. please dont judge me im a loving father to be and I dont know where else to turn. Here goes. I met my ex in May, 2 months after she broke off a four year relationship with her first childs father. We hada short but intense relationship. We broke up for 3 weeks but in that time she slept with another man. We reconciled 3 weeks later. she told me also that she told her childs dad she misses him. she said she wanted to be 100% honest with me. we had 2 dates after reconciliation and she told me that she kissed a man in a bar. we werent in a relationship officially so i let this slide. We then made it official and had an amazing 4 months together. i really bonded with her kid and everything was great. Then we became pregnant. We had our usual ups and downs. but the downs were more and more frequebt. I felt she didnt appreciate me and her enthusiasm for oyr relationship died. I told her twice in 2 months that I felt she was pushing me away and i always assured her i would be there for her throughout the pregnancy. I loved her and she had even asked me to move out with her and her kid before we found out. eventually enough became enough and I ended the relationship! i told her that from the beginning she never loved me as much as I loved her. I told her id always be there for the kid and go to appts and scans. I tried to reconcile the next day and she said no. I tried to reconcile a week later and she said no. I tried to ask her out to dinner as a friend and she said no. I did go to the scan and we did talk etc but stil no word on the relationship coming back. A month has passed and I have only seen her 3 times. once at the scan, another to reconcile and to give her kid a birthday present. I am dreading being a single parent and feel that it could work between us if we play our cards right. however her friend told me that she still loves her first childs dad. when her mother called me to scream at me for leaving her i told her that was my reason. Can i have any opinions please. I want a family, i want her. I told her i wanted to see her every couple of weeks as the babys father to see how she is. i still text every 4/5 days to see how she is. she always says shes fine. i have told her to her face that ive moved on but i want to be involved in the pregnancy but she doesnt want to see me . is there anyway i could get her back? have a family with this woman? or do i go it alone. need opinions. i will adore and love this child. i work hard and have money. but she doesnt want to see me or know me! what should i do? i appreciate honesty. i was thinking of just going to her house with a pregnancy related present for her every other week. like a body pillow or other things. even to build a friendship please help

 

[tabbi]

I'm sorry that things have gone this way hunni.
I think you might not get back together but there is a high chance you can be friends.
Yes, you broke it off, but you did what was right for both of you then at that point in time.
Don't ever feel like you did the wrong thing, as it was right when it happened.
As for been involved your doing the right things at the moment, but when it comes to presents ask her is there anything that she might need and suggest the pillow or even baby stuff. But don't expect things to go smoothly she will probably say she doesn't want anything.

its worth a try, but we can't say how its going to go.

As for you getting back together, she is still in love with her ex and it can take years to get over, and it will hurt her knowing that in away she has cheated on her ex if she wants him back that much.
Now she has another baby thats not her ex's, it will out a barrier between them if they tried again.She'll feel guilty for this, but its not your fault any of it. she shouldn't of got into another relationship as soon as she has, its quite clear she wasn't over her ex, and its just complicating things that bit more. She will be very confused to know end. Pregnancy can be very stressful and confusing aswell as her emotions towards you and her and her ex.


When you text her make it simple and thoughtful like 'How is baby today/been? If there is anything i can help with, just let me know. And if you ever want to talk as friends I'm here for you' don't put kisses on the text as she won't like them and it will upset her. Just give her space and text her once a week not any more often unless she does and don't reply with a split second wait a few minutes to show your giving her space.
Don't just turn up, arrange with her and keep things civil between you.

I honestly don't think you'll get back together, Which means you'd be a lone parent like her. Just help if possible, ask her mum if there is anything she needs. But if you really want stress why you did what you did, write a handwritten letter explaining what and why it played out why, but explain you understand why she is acting like she is.

Good luck hunni and I hope for the best for you. And were here for anything you need. x x x

 

[B00533842]

Thank you so much for the reply. I appreciate your honesty. It is such a crappy situation. Thing is...our relationship was going so well before we found out we were pregnant. we were both crazy about each other and i miss that every day...and the chance to be that crazy about each other as a family. she did tell me that shr was excited about us being a family, however her actions spoke louder than words! she was just cold/distant. when i tried to reconcile she said no. that was the most hurtful thing because she would rather be alone with two babies and two dads than not be with me. I just have so many worries. she seemed okay when i called to visit her last week. when i text her to askif she was ok she told me she was feeling down and couldnt stop crying. i took that as a cry for help and i went down and talked to er. it was productive.my main fear is her mother, she doesnt like me very much and can control her.

my other fear is breast feeding. i know its a physically healthy start for a baby. but so is a bottle. if she decides to breastfeed then she will have two children on her own all the time. i hope she realises this and realises how much im willing to help and be there. and i kind of hope it makes her fall in love with me again.

 

[Princess81]

From what you've said she's daft for pushing you away but I guess she has her reasons.
You are doing the best you can already, offering support and to be there die her. You can't force her to want you, it's a shame that its ended before it really got started.
You sound like you'll be a great dad, your baby is lucky already

 

[tabbi]

You can't make her fall in love with you i'm afraid. But if she is down, cheer her up chocolates and/or offer to do some house work and/or let her have a moan. If she is crying...get her watch a girly film if need be to cheers her up or a rom-com.

And I breastfed my baby and had a 3 year old, she can do it, but be there to help out even if she doesn't ask. We all know that she will need a little help, even if its you cooking tea for her so she can relax or get her son to bed...small things go along way. As for her mother I'd ignore her, my mother is a nightmare to be honest and I dont listen, best thing is just let her mum say what she wants and prove her wrong.

As for cold and distant can be a side effect of horomenes in the body during pregnancy... we change moods quicker than you can breath. She will just need so much time to get things around her head. I do hope you get back together, but if with the smallest chance you do will probably get back after baby is born.

If she was crazy about you then there is still a chance things could get back to how they are, but as you said actions speak louder than words x x x

 

[B00533842]

I really hope we get back together too. I was speaking with her friend. I was asking her if theres anything my ex needa and told her i planned on buying stuff for her as her childs dad and will help where i can. But i also told her i was over the relationship and moved on etc. As it is her friend it will obviously get back to her. So lets see what she does now. I used a little cunning but im always going to be there for the kid. it might provoke action ig she hears im over her????

 

[KirstyL]

Is that not playing mind games slightly though? You obviously aren't over her, so rather than telling her friends you are, just put your relationship to one side for now, and concentrate on supporting her as the mother of your unborn baby, she'll probably appreciate that more than mind games.x

My partner and I split up when I was 3 months pregnant because I was awful to him, but once I'd realised why he left and got feelings straight in my head, we met up, talked and we got back together again a couple of months later and he moved in 3 weeks before our son was born, so things may work out, but don't push her, don't play games with her feelings, she's going through enough right now with her changing body and hormones

Good luck with your little one though, whatever happens with your ex.x


Sent from my sexy iPhone 4s using Tapatalk

 

[B00533842]

Thanks for the honesty kirsty. We have been split up just over a month now. I am a close friend of her friend as she is dating one of my friends! I didnt see it as playing mind games though. I saw it as basic attraction, making myself forbidden fruit. Treat them mean keep them keen kinda thing. However I do want to help as much as I can for the baby. i plan to go and buy her a body pillow at the weekend. and our big scan is in 3 weeks time. i plan to buy her a gift card for maternity clothes. just so the baby is comfy and she is too. I still text every week to ask how the baby is and stuff and she says everything is fine and doesnt really want my help. But i hope i can win her back eventually. I am doing fine on my own at the minute, however it would be great if we reconciled. At present, she doesnt seem to want to. I was told by her friend that she still loves her first childs dad, that was 2 weeks ago. So i told her friend that i was over her. she will only come back because she has settled for me. nothing more, i dont think. she will only come back because she is lonely etc. It seems like she always loved him deep down and not me. i was only her back up plan until her first kids dad came back. now we are pregnant....that aint gonna happen!. So i really dont know what to do! if you dont mind me asking kirsty.....how did your partner play it to get you back??? all i do is text her once per week to ask how she is, we have alot of mutual friends that i talk about the baby with but when they ask about us....i say that ive moved on but im excited for the baby. Is this right or wrong????

 

[Anna456]

You say you want her back - then tell her friend and her that you have moved on?! This is confusing for her to say the least! at the moment she is no doubt going through a range of emotions and i'm sure she too is not relishing the thought of being a single parent either. It sounds to me - yes she had feelings for her ex, she was with him for 4 years, this may not mean that she wants to get back with him, it may mean as she says she misses him, and that's natural. I have ex's who I from time to time I miss....do I want to get back with them? no. I miss them but we weren't right together.

My advice would be to lay your cards on the table....if you feel you cant say it face to face or that it will all come out wrong, write her a letter and tell her when you said you had moved on to her friend you didn't mean it and you hoped the 'treat em mean keep me keen' approach would work..tell her you want to be with her, not just because you are having a baby together but because you think it can work and that you love her etc. I imagine there is a big part of her wanting stability right now and a person saying one thing 'Ive moved on' then doing another 'here's a pregnancy pillow..i'm always here for you' is unsettling and confusing to say the least. Be honest with her....by you be honest with her youre inviting her to be honest with you. If she says she doesn't want a relationship with you then al least you know you have been honest about your intentions rather than wondering 'what if' etc.

I wish you all the best, to me it does sound like there is a future there for you both. x

 

[B00533842]

Yeah i hope so. She actually commented on a status I put on facebook today. so she is opening a communication line. I think she will realise she needs me and try to talk at some point. im going to drop a bombshell here. I slept with a girl last weekend. my reasoning was- i was rejected for a relationship or friendship with her, i was drunk. it was a mistake. she slept with someone when we broke up. we were broken up three weeks. my justification is....im always here for the baby and have shown her that constantly. by texting every week and visiting. my only obligation is to the baby as a good daddy and my personal life is none of her business. my question is...do i tell her that tellng her i was over her was a lie to try and see if she would make an attempt to get back together and that i did sleep with someone. best me telling her just incase someone else told her. is it wose to get that out in the open so if we reconcile we are both 100% honest with one another and help build trust? or so say nothing? because when she told me she slept with someone when we split it was very hard to get over and i didnt really forget about it! and say to her if she cant forget that then im still always here for the baby and will still check in with her! please assist with this problem!!

 

[netty]

You need to tell her. Seems daft you'd do it when you probably still feel the pain from her doing it to you. Sounds like you both need to just take a step back really and never mind your relationship think about baby. Of your meant to be together it will happen in due course

Sorry for your frustrating situation x

 

[B00533842]

I am thinking of the baby. I always have! and that will never change. im going to mothercare on saturday to buy stuff! for the baby and a little something for her too! if we work it out or not...i wont see her stuck. shes lucky to be having me as the father of this child lol! i know it did seem a bit stupid but at that time she had rejected friendship and relationship! but what can you do. she cant really hold that against me. she cant reject me but not allow me to move on/still care about having a baby. and of course whatever will be will be. the ball is completely in her court. i already asked...twice. what way should i approach this subject should she want to talk??

 

[purplestar45]

I think you've got some good advice here. It's a sad situation to be in but you both have a new baby coming. I agree that you should put your differences aside for the sake of the baby. Focus on taking care of baby and being the best parents you possibly can be. And if it's meant to be, love will come in due time.

 

[redbear]

Maybe its just not meant to be? and she is doing you a favour by been blunt instead of lieing about how she feels and leading you on just because of the baby. I could be wrong but i think if you are there as a good dad for the baby you will grow closer as friends and if there is something there maybe more, but if not then you will still be doing right by your child. Maybe you where happy for the early months and thought she was but who knows what was really going through her mind? xx

 

[netty]

I just dont think anyone who is meant to be should have this much drama in their lives

Its shouldn't be this hard to hold down a relationship.

You've both slept with someone else now when apart drunken mistake.or not its really not going to be something you both will easily get over.

I wasn't saying you dont think about baby love I was saying stop thinking about her so much and only think of the baby. When a lo comes in the mix your life dramas must come.to an end.

You never know if you're 100% focused on this little one you may find it rekindles your spark.

 

[B00533842]

Hey everyone. Thanks for the input. I am super excited about the baby and everyone knows it. Im 100& focused on being a good dad and working hard to make sure the baby comes into a secure and loving dad. I didbtell her friend that i missed her and that i wonder if there is still feelings on her part to reconcile. her friend advised me to wait it out because she is starting to get excited about the baby etc. and relationship drama shouldnt happen now! the only real thing that is also bothering me is that she is deciding to breastfeed. that means that the baby could have the first 6 months and not stay overnight with me. she already has a kid. she will need me! but she said the midwives are crazy and force women to breastfeed. in my opinion a baby can get nutrients from bottlefeeding. you cant buy a daddy! im willing to do a few hours everyday for the first 2 weeks with her. in her house so she can teach me stuff. but im going to have to ask that its just me. no other visitors as bonding time is important. am i being reasonable?

 

[redbear]

It is better for her to breastfeed ur baby a healthier start and if she wants to do it she should, she may want to express so you can feed the baby too and still have her overnight. xx

 

[B00533842]

Yeah i understand that I have to do what is best for the baby and not entirely what I want. that goes for her too!. but since my last post she has liked and commented on a few of my statuses on fb. i understand we still have to talk about baby matters! but commentimg on my threads is a little different. i wonder what her thinking is there? dont get me wrong. im not going to ask her to get back together! its up to her. saying no is going to be very difficult. the chance to make an attempt to build a good family! but our relationship didnt work out. maybe a baby will bring us closer. i dont know. then again....she left her first kids dad! ahhh give me strength lol. cos i have a feling shes going to build her way back to talking as she did that the first time we started talking after we broke up the first time!

 

[redbear]

Yeh but if you make it hard for her to breastfeed when its better for your baby's health you will look like an a hole no matter how good your reasons are, my friend split with her partner when she was pregnant and he tried to say she should breastfeed she ignored him and did anyway but everyone thought he was a tosser for even asking, especially when she can express her milk for the baby anyway.

Her and the babys dad are back together now but that didnt happen until the baby was about 5 months old, its a slow process and been supportive will get you much further with her. Good luck xx

 

[B00533842]

Im just not sure. She has commented on nearly all my statuses the past few days! Ive been commenting back and stuff. She messaged me to collect some more of my clothes from her house and stuff. I told her then that I was going into town tomorrow to get her a little present she might appreciate. she sounded glad. she said "thanks for thinking about me". im still unsure as to why she keeps commenting on my statuses. its a bit weird. but im not complaining. im not sure if she is trying to build up talking to me slowly. its so hard. i dont want to hold out for this girl for the entire pregnancy and have her go and find someone else then soon after our baby is born! im not sure what to do! after i give her the present i may just back off from texting and whatnot! because i have to try and be there for her without getting my hopes up! because she is being friendly enough! maybe shes being friendly because she is over me! i really dont know. do you all think i should go no contact after i give her a present. tell her im there 100% and text if she ever needs anything! and back off from there. or keep checking in and get her another present at the scan? HELP!!