I need to win my Pregnant.Ex Girlfriend back.

[redbear]

hhhmmm i wouldnt give her a gift and then not text at all, may send mixed messages, maybe giver her the gift and text her later one text just something like 'i really hope you enjoy ____ im here if you need me let me know if i can do anything else to help' something simple and nice and friendly and then see what she txts back. She may be trying to talk to you again but slowly so you dont rush into a relationship if a friendship is better xx

 

[B00533842]

Yeah good thinking. I went down and she appreciated the voucher for a couple of things she needs. Her friend was there and she made things a bit awkward. I had said to her that I would like a few hours at night with the baby when it is born alone so I can bond. And she said "i dont want to see you everyday" but you can take the baby away for an hour or two". Her friend also said she didnt want to see me everyday. she was quickly told it was none of her business. politely and diplomatically of course. She said some worrying things "what if i dont want to hold the baby when its born! what if i get depressed, cos i didnt want this baby, I didnt want to be pregnant" etc. She then said she was worryed about having two kids on her own. thats when I said that bottlefeeding may be best to allow you to get your rest and allow the baby to have bonding time with daddy and stuff. I tried to reassure her and tell her if she ever needed anything to please tell me and im always here for her and that shes a great mommy. I gave her a hug and told her to text or call if she needed anything. so maybe its another positive step forward.

 

[Princess81]

I'd be anxious if I was her too really as a single mum of 2 children I'm sure it's daunting for anyone. Just keep on as you are, letting her know you are there for help and support/whatever she needs. Can't really think of any other suggestions though

 

[B00533842]

I know it would be daunting. All I hope...even if we dont get back together that she realises that this baby is as much mine as it is hers. and gives me time to bond with the child. And isnt too proud to ask for help or support when she needs it. Cos i want to be there for the baby 100%. even though we arnt together. I still want to be her best source of help. maybe all this dedication towards the baby will help her fall in love with me again. when she sees my dedication. thats my hope. dont get me wrong. I have been with 2 women now since we broke up. Im moving on but keeping her in mind. I dont see why I should "wait" for her completely. cos she may not fall in love with me again and would be a great start in moving on completely. This is just so hard. was so happy to see her. and sit beside her again. Chat normally and relax little bit. Heres hoping eh!

 

[B00533842]

well since that last comment, we were talking on facebook. she wnted to show me a pram. which was nice of her. and we got talking. just ggeneral chit chat**it was really nice. i was more or less leading the conversation and she was slightly dry! but it was a start. we talked for an hour or so. she talked about moving house. i offered to look out for a house for her and whatnot. i ended the conversation, and told her to to text if she wanted anything or wanted to talk! i also offered to help her move! should i keep this approach and be as helpful as possible. or do i play it cool and back off now? should i be so nice and risk falling into the friend zone or keep being supportive? help lol**

 

[redbear]

I think friend zone is your best bet, i dont think you can win someone back who doesnt love you back. Be nice, become friends be a good dad and move on relationship wise. x

 

[B00533842]

But if i fall into the friendzone with her I will always hold on hope in getting her back! i will stick by her, do everything I can for her and she will go out and find a new man. I dont think I could bear that. I still have feelings for her. I still will help when im asked but I dont want to get too attached to her again because i may be setting myself up for a fall! i dont know! am i stupid offering her everything in the hope she realises my kindness and wants me back! or should i just play it cool now, ive told her enough to text if she needs anything. so i have to give her space now. im going to try two weeks. she comments on alot of my fb statuses and whatnot! i wouldnt do that if i didnt have feelings or anything.

 

[babyem]

But if i fall into the friendzone with her I will always hold on hope in getting her back! i will stick by her, do everything I can for her and she will go out and find a new man. I dont think I could bear that. I still have feelings for her. I still will help when im asked but I dont want to get too attached to her again because i may be setting myself up for a fall! i dont know! am i stupid offering her everything in the hope she realises my kindness and wants me back! or should i just play it cool now, ive told her enough to text if she needs anything. so i have to give her space now. im going to try two weeks. she comments on alot of my fb statuses and whatnot! i wouldnt do that if i didnt have feelings or anything.

I could.have written this myself, but for me and my ex bf I totally sympathise.as I am going through the same thing. I am still desperately in love but he doesnt feel the same. X

Tapping x

 

[B00533842]

I know. its so hard!! i dont want to be in a situation where I hold on for her and be really kind to her then in a year, on her first night out...she finds someone new! that would break my heart but I havent decided what kind of heartbreak it is...at not having her or not having a proper family. she said some worrying stuff to me yesterday. "what if i dont love the baby because I didnt want to get pregnant" "i dont think you shouo ld come down everyday to see the baby because we are broken up" her friends seem to influence her easily. it seems that her grudges against me are going to affect how i see or parentt the baby. hwr mind is all over the place. in one instance she is saying that she may not want to hold the baby when it is born and then later in the convo she doesnt want me in her house everyday to take the baby out cos she doesnt want to see me/take her eyes off the baby. so im going to parenting classes ALONE. so that she can see i can handle the baby! i just hope none of this goes to court. i still hope she puts me on the birth cert and that i never have to take her to court.

 

[HopesDreams]

I'm a single mum, fob isn't on the scene but if he was I wouldn't want him in my house every single day to be honest. In my opinion, you need to eventually work out a routine for the baby & you two. You have time to do that. You both need to have your own lives, move on (if/when that's your choice) & not be stuck in each others pockets.
That's just my two pence worth, looking at it from my own position.

 

[babyem]

I feel the same! I worry he will go oit and find someone or sleep with some lass. He told me he didnt leave me to go sleep about or meet someone else and that it would.hurt him to know id slept with someone else so I dont know!

I want HIM!! I dont want anymore babies if theyre not with him. I dont want to be with anyone else, I would rather be alone. X

Tapping x

 

[redbear]

Trust me when the baby is here and screaming its little cute head of until you want to rip out your hair and would give your left foot for a bath alone... she will want and need you there. I know come 5pm when my husband finishes work im thrilled to have a break! Its hard work, some days are fine but sometimes its difficult and must be much harder alone. I think been a constant support will give her some faith that she can trust you will be there for her. Right now she wont be thinking right so i would give her space, but just give her the odd text asking about her and baby so your in the background and then see how she feels when the baby is actually here. Its amazing how unimportant your friends opinions become when that baby is your whole life. it made my prioraties right anyway xx

 

[B00533842]

Im thinkin about all of this right now because im worried. she may come around to herself in time. we can talk ok at the moment but as for being uncomfortable about me being in her house...thats too bad. im her baby daddy. she has to put that aside to allow me to bond with the child. it isnt fair to single me out and have her friends there more than me! its just so hard to accept. i hate the fact that i still love her too! if she asked to reconcile I dont know what I would do. But i cant hold on hope forever. People say to me that we will fall back into each others arms when the baby is born. however, i just dont feel that she loves me. at all! and she may be already on the lookout for someone else! i dont know. or going to hold out for her kids dad. i would love to work with her to build a family for the kid. cos she will have 2 babies and 2 daddys. i would worry about the man who will go for her. lets be realistic!! not many decent men would date a single mommy with 2 kids and two dads. its so hard. i have no doubt that i cud find someone new eventually. at the minute i want her and its hard to accept i wont have her or a family at the moment. ive decided to give her some space now. for the next couple of weeks. until the scan that is.

 

[babyem]

I also worry that if I give him space then he may not come round anyway and the thought.of.that breaks my heart. Im working so hard on bettering myself and doing all the things I said id do but never actually did xx

Tapping x

 

[Franna75]

Hello,

I can see from your comments that you are just so excited and can't wait to see your baby. I wanted to give you a little bit of advice. Like Babyem, I was in a similar situation but turned tables.

Pregnancy is one of the toughest things I've ever been through emotionally and it took a good year for my hormones to get back to normal. So what your ex is feeling now may be different in two, six, 12 months, you just don't know. It's a very scary time and is she's already a single Mum, it may be that she doesn't want to repeat what happened before so that is why she is pushing you away. But it could be many reasons. I know it's hard but try and relax. Things will be very different when the baby is here.

I am an advocate of breast feeding and had anyone said to me that I should bottle feed, especially for the reasons you gave I'd have ripped their head off ( told you my hormones were out of control) so, I'd go easy on the "advice" you give there.

Also, if fob had dictated how often he wanted to see my baby before he was born or even now, I probably would have spiralled out of control, it's instinct to not be away from your baby regardless of BF or bottle. I wouldnt go in demanding this that and the other, even though you are the father and believe in sharing time, it's ultimately mum's decision at the beginning and I think in the first few months you should honour that. If you go in too intense she may very well push you away and start being difficult which is the last thing you want.

I know what it's like to have your partner reject you at such an important time, it's soul destroying. When is bb due?

 

[B00533842]

Well when I went down to see her, she said she was stressed and worried. I asked her why and she said because she is going to be on her own with two kids. I offered those suggestions to be supportive towards her and so I could see the kid. She kind of took it ok and we can talk at the minute. Im not going to talk about baby arrangements any more. when I talk to her it will be about chit chat and how she is! ive told her enough im excited about the baby so Im not gona ram it down her throat any more! the baby isnt due til July. Our big scan is in 2 weeks time. super excited for that. Im just going to do my usual check in text. Ive put into her head enough that im there if she needs me. im not going to ask any more! we were chit chatting when i went to see her and we did talk casually to a certain extent but she kind of got defensive when i talked about me seeing the baby! ut im not going to talk about it now. im going to let her be, give her some space and maybe she will come around. she must really hate me or really love the first babys dad to not want to get back together with me and do it alone. its a crappy feeling. hopefully she falls for my commitment and enthusiasm for the kid. cos im not gona change to suit her. at all! if she doesnt like it she may not be the girl for me. im just hurt that her mind was made up so quick to close the door on a relationship!!

 

[evie_smith]

If she has been though a relationship that ended like that after 4 years she may just be pushing you away for a few reasons 1 - you did brake it off when pregnant and even tho like you said she was distant allot of women don't like to be close and certainly don't like to have relations during early pregnancy that's for sure lol!! 2 - she may think well you have broke up with me after you promised you won't and doesn't want to be hurt again or 3 - it just wasn't working. I can see your really excited about the kid and that's fantastic shows your going to be a great daddy but - mum carries baby for 9 months and the bond is so much different. Ultimately yes the baby is yours and hers BUT she is mummy and it is kind of her say as to access ext I know if I wasn't with my husband and he wanted set amount of time I would fly off on one and if he wanted me to bottle feed. She won't push you out by the sounds of it so I would count your eggs lots of women would have push away away. She properly doesn't hate you or love her ex she prob just doesn't want the drama right now. Maybe she doesn't want either of you? She could miss her ex but not want him back she may still love her ex but it doesn't mean she wants him back. She may also miss you but doesn't mean she wants you back. I would treat her as a friend. Stop trying to win her back and just see how it goes. Of she meets another man so be it it's up to her. At the end of the day the baby will know who it's daddy is and that's the main thing. No point being with someone just because your having a child together. I can understand how she would be worried and upset about being a single mother it must be very hard and worrying but at the end of the day it's better than being in a relationship that you know isn't working for the sake of a baby. And casual relations don't normally work out as friends. I say see who you want if you want to - I don't see why you need to tell each other as you are not together. However if you want her and truly want to see if she just needs time to think or fall back in love with you, you neeeed to give her time. Don't play mind games just tell her as it is but keep it friendly d she doesn't want it back off and take the hint of she does want it great but at least if you tell her how you feel you have a ground to go from and carry on from there and she will know exactly how you feel - really hope it works out as you seem like a lovely guy. If it doesn't then I hope you a nice friendly friendship

 

[B00533842]

But the thing is...things were going great before we found out. she had asked me to move in with her and we had just got back from a romantic weekend away together. we were really planning ahead and saving to get a nice home for us. but then everything changed when we found out. we have our big scab in a couple of weeks. Maybe I should ask her if she remembers how things were like before the pregnancy. and see if she has any feeling. face to face after the scan. or should i let it all happen naturally? cos if she has feelings for me....she may do the same as what im doing and forget all the bad stuff and want to work it out wirh ne! what do you think?

 

[redbear]

If she wanted to be with you she would be. Im sorry to be harsh but its like all your concentrating on is if you and her can get back together and how you can push her into it, you really need to have a think about it, people shouldnt be together just because there having a baby and it shouldnt be this hard tbh xx

 

[B00533842]

its just so hard! because from my end things were really working and we were both planning for our future. i admit the mind games may not be a good idea but ive always text her saying that if she needs anything or if she wants to talk to ask me! and il always be there for her. she must get the hint that i still care! ive been telling her friends the opposite so it provokes a reaction to win me back. that must have backfired. so do you think i should text her and tell her that i still really care about her and i feel bad sometimes we didnt work out cos i loved our relationship before we found out and we were planning for the future. or just see if it happens naturally?