Thanks, I'm getting through each day slowly. Men and women handle loss differently - sometimes it can appear to us ladies that our other halves "didnt really care that much" - that's not true. They feel helpless - they can't stop what is happening to the person they love, they can't bare to see someone they love in pain, they feel like they are the man and they SHOULD be able to resolve it for you, but they can't. Nobody can.
I was a smoker on 4-5 a day before the baby, I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, and now I am on 20 a day. If someone was pestering me to stop right now, I wouldn't be very happy. Its MY way of coping and if you are a non-smoker its really hard to understand why smoking makes you feel a little bit better.
When I was nagging and screaming at my husband cos he was on his jetski, and wanting to leave the hospital, I was so consumed in Nikki's little world that I never stopped to look at it through his eyes. It was all about ME and MY loss. In hindsight, I should have calmly explained that I was feeling very fragile and that I felt that he didn't care about our baby, and given him the chance to say how HE felt (without fear of criticism or having my opinion forced on to him).
Instead I talked to my friends, my mum, my counsellor, the ladies in my bereavement forum - I spoke to everyone about how I felt... everyone except my husband.
He on the other hand, talked to nobody. Bottled it all up and ran on adrenaline - putting on a brave face, because that's what husbands are supposed to do.
If I could go back, I'd do a lot of things differently and I hope by sharing this, someone else DOES do it differently before it's too late, like it is for me x
I was a smoker on 4-5 a day before the baby, I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, and now I am on 20 a day. If someone was pestering me to stop right now, I wouldn't be very happy. Its MY way of coping and if you are a non-smoker its really hard to understand why smoking makes you feel a little bit better.
When I was nagging and screaming at my husband cos he was on his jetski, and wanting to leave the hospital, I was so consumed in Nikki's little world that I never stopped to look at it through his eyes. It was all about ME and MY loss. In hindsight, I should have calmly explained that I was feeling very fragile and that I felt that he didn't care about our baby, and given him the chance to say how HE felt (without fear of criticism or having my opinion forced on to him).
Instead I talked to my friends, my mum, my counsellor, the ladies in my bereavement forum - I spoke to everyone about how I felt... everyone except my husband.
He on the other hand, talked to nobody. Bottled it all up and ran on adrenaline - putting on a brave face, because that's what husbands are supposed to do.
If I could go back, I'd do a lot of things differently and I hope by sharing this, someone else DOES do it differently before it's too late, like it is for me x
