I feel like a horrible person

Thanks, I'm getting through each day slowly. Men and women handle loss differently - sometimes it can appear to us ladies that our other halves "didnt really care that much" - that's not true. They feel helpless - they can't stop what is happening to the person they love, they can't bare to see someone they love in pain, they feel like they are the man and they SHOULD be able to resolve it for you, but they can't. Nobody can.

I was a smoker on 4-5 a day before the baby, I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, and now I am on 20 a day. If someone was pestering me to stop right now, I wouldn't be very happy. Its MY way of coping and if you are a non-smoker its really hard to understand why smoking makes you feel a little bit better.

When I was nagging and screaming at my husband cos he was on his jetski, and wanting to leave the hospital, I was so consumed in Nikki's little world that I never stopped to look at it through his eyes. It was all about ME and MY loss. In hindsight, I should have calmly explained that I was feeling very fragile and that I felt that he didn't care about our baby, and given him the chance to say how HE felt (without fear of criticism or having my opinion forced on to him).

Instead I talked to my friends, my mum, my counsellor, the ladies in my bereavement forum - I spoke to everyone about how I felt... everyone except my husband.

He on the other hand, talked to nobody. Bottled it all up and ran on adrenaline - putting on a brave face, because that's what husbands are supposed to do.

If I could go back, I'd do a lot of things differently and I hope by sharing this, someone else DOES do it differently before it's too late, like it is for me x
 
Oh nikki I am so so sorry for what you have been through xx

I have managed to stay composed and the anger has eased now. I showed my oh the article that lou put on and he agreed to try to cut down on smoking. Thats all I wanted and needed to hear. I made sure it wasn't done in a pestering way or nagging but wanted him to realise it cld be contributing to our issues getting pregnant. He has been great and he is keeping my spirits up and I am trying to do the same for him xx
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

No members online now.

Forum statistics

Threads
473,572
Messages
4,654,624
Members
110,012
Latest member
lauramayne90
Back
Top