I dont know if i can carry on like this!

[kirlou]

I dont know what to say, what to type all i know is that i cant carry on this was! its driving me insane! Even as i am sitting and typing i cant see through the tears!

We have just got back from the drs after having hubbys sperm results, he had high abmormal sperm and has to retes, dr said most retests come back with better results from the 1st but not so sure myself. We had only just made it to the car door before having an argument co i asked him to book it with a dr that wasnt a locum but he had ignored that and just booked with any old dr saying how was he supposed to know (the txt said "make sure to say we dont want to see a locum") and now i am sitting downstairs while he is upstairs and all i want is a cuddle and some reasurance!

I am so damn fed up with people including drs saying "oh well at least you have 1 child" IF I ONLY WANTED ONE I WOULDNT BE TRYING AGAIN AS HARD AS I AM TRYING!!!
This is cycle 19 and i really dont know what to do anymore! i dont sleep at night, its got to the point where unless we are bding at the right times oh and i dont ee tend to sit in the same room most days, we havent had a cuddle in bed in weeks and i dont like being like this!
When the dr told him he needed to retest i can home and asked when he was going to do it and his response was "when the f*** do i have time, some of us are at work all day!" (i only was 3 full days and 2 mornings). Sometimes i feel like i dont even want to bother trying for another baby anymore! The more stressed out i get the harder it becomes, the harder it becomes the more stressed out i get. I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore, and im just feeling like i should give up, but i dont think i could, i dont think i could even swap to ntnp.

Im so sorry to go on, i just dont have anyone i can say all of this too and i need to get it off my chest cos it is actually draining the life from me!!!

 

[Nurse 26]

Sorry hun maybe try and talk things out with OH so you can get some support from him. Also maybe he is upset about the results and thats why hes being grumpy? hope you get it sorted soon. xxx

 

[Princess81]

Awww Hun does o/h know how u r feeling? Can u sit down and talk when u both are feeling less emotionally charged?? I hope that things move forward for you really soon xxxx

 

[Cazza]

Oh hunny it's a dificult time for you both.

Men tend to react very differently to us but I would say that your OH is showing his frustration through his behaviou.

Make time for a good long chat.......and some cuddles!!

x

 

[kirlou]

even before today he didnt want to have to talk about it, he wants another baby so much, its usually him thats crying when af shows but he hates to have to talk about it. it got to the point where i said to him b4 the first test that if he wants a baby he will do it and that is all that was ever said. I dont think he can cope either and he just takes it out on me, so have both of our stresses and his answer to everything is that he is the one that has to be at work all day, regardless of the question. To be honest half the time i dont even want to talk to him cos i could give myself the answers i know ill get from him. I really dont know what to do or how to hold it together anymore.
thank you all for your supprts, its much appriciated. xx

 

[JellybeanIWant]

Sweetie this is not what your going to want to hear but take it easy me and OH tried for a few months and nothing happened and one month we just decided to have sex for the fun of it and I got pregnant the same month, stress and depression can make it harder for you to become pregnant the same as your OH relax hun xxx

 

[kirlou]

I find it so hard to relax at the best of times (i have ocd) so when i fixate on something say ttc it becomes a million times harder. The dr suggested a holiday which would be perfect if we had any spare cash and we didnt hae a 3 yr old to think of . Its just so hard and it never seems to get any easier, there is never any let up from the heartache!

As i wrote this oh came and asked what was i doing for dinner, did i want chinese? i thik he is trying in his primative way to put things right.

 

[Vickyxx]

I am sorry you feel this way hunny, could it be that your OH wasn't expecting to find out that he is the one with fertility problems and he has taken his frustrations out on you instead of reassuring you?! I think his offer of a Chinese is his way of a peace offering maybe he realises that he was a bit harsh. You do really need to have a heart to heart lay things out on the table and clear the air. Maybe instead of a holiday you could plan a few fun days out anything that could help take some of the focus of ttc xx

 

[kirlou]

your right he didnt think it was going to be him, in his head it has been me from day one, even though the dr didnt actually say it was a problem and it was the same with most men, i think he thought she was going to tell him he is super stud!
Well he did at least sit with me to eat dinner and tried to talkabout random stuff but not very sucessfully mostly cos im still peed off with him!
Ive said about a night away as we got a few thomas cook vouchers from ppl when we got married and still havent had our honeymoon, there isnt enough for a hol but might be enough for a long weekend but he doesnt want to leave the boy with my mum cos we have not left him b4 apart from our wedding night.
I dont feel as bad now but i do still feel like giving up.

 

[Lander]

Aw hun, Sometimes the best thing is just to say to them 'I just want a cuddle, please just say ''it'll be ok'' '.... honestly, most of them don't have a clue unless you spell it out, and it's even worse if they're upset about something as they are really so bad at expressing themselves

Have the Chinese, and try just having a cuddle in bed 'cos it's nice

Lxx

 

[kirlou]

thank you all of you for the support, it really does help! xxx

 

[Olive]

Sorry to hear you're having a bad time. A weekend away sounds like a good idea. Some time as a family away from it all might be just what you need. Hope you feel better soon.

xx

 

[LoopyLouize]

I'm sorry your having such a hard time Hun. I do question things myself sometimes but that's always because I'm just stressing myself out. Our minds are evil at times and our bodies just torment us.

Hope you feel better soon xc

 

[kirlou]

Thanks everyone, we made up in the end. We didn't have the heart to heart though.
The strangest thing happened though, I had my cuddle and it led on to more, which was all fine and good,
But afterwards, before either of us moved, he put his head on my shoulder and I got the most over whelming urge to burst into
Tears and there wasn't even any reason for it. My eyes glazed and I got a lump in my thraot, I ended up having to turn away. That's never happened to me before, we argue and make up but I've never wanted to cry like that after sex!

 

[JellybeanIWant]

I find it so hard to relax at the best of times (i have ocd) so when i fixate on something say ttc it becomes a million times harder. The dr suggested a holiday which would be perfect if we had any spare cash and we didnt hae a 3 yr old to think of . Its just so hard and it never seems to get any easier, there is never any let up from the heartache!

As i wrote this oh came and asked what was i doing for dinner, did i want chinese? i thik he is trying in his primative way to put things right.

Everyone feels the same hun, it's alot easier to say to someone "look relax it will happen" than to actually relax yourself, I'm the same and I'm sure most other women are too. I just found that by personal experience because like I said I got pregnant in the month where I'd once with my OH and the two months before we were everyday!

Good luck hun

xxx

 

[Moley]

Thanks everyone, we made up in the end. We didn't have the heart to heart though.
The strangest thing happened though, I had my cuddle and it led on to more, which was all fine and good,
But afterwards, before either of us moved, he put his head on my shoulder and I got the most over whelming urge to burst into
Tears and there wasn't even any reason for it. My eyes glazed and I got a lump in my thraot, I ended up having to turn away. That's never happened to me before, we argue and make up but I've never wanted to cry like that after sex!

I'm soo glad you made up with OH hun... x x

 

[Blessing]

I guess this is as hard on him as it is you, and that he is as invested in it as you are.

The difference is that us women will stand up and say that we need some support and we need some assurance, where as men won't. He probably needs to hear from you that you love him, that it's ok, and that you'll work through it together and that everything will turn out alright. He doesn't know how to act or behave in order to get that reaction out of you, and he's probably too proud to ask.

I think you show him your support and suggest ways of working to a more positive outcome. What about male conception tablets? Has he tried those? What about diet? Could he look at reducing or cutting out alcohol or smoking, or take away meals, aspartane and refined sugars? All those things add up to low sperm counts, abnormal sperm, low mobility etc. You can always follow the process with him, as a show of support?

 

[tashazazu]

i really feel for u, ur stuck in a difficult position. i do hope thing get better for you both xx

 

[kedi376]

Hi Hun, sorry to hear about your OH's test results. It does sound like he isn't taking it very well by hiding his feelings and taking it out on you a bit. Like the other girls have said you need to try and relax, stay calm and talk it over with him.

If he is serious about wanting another baby then he will do the test again. Hopefully you might get better results 2nd time round. If not, there are a few of us on Long Term & Fertility section with OH's in similar situations.

We got abnormal and low sperm count for my OH a couple of weeks ago. I was devastated to start with but I've since got the exact results from doctors, done some research, with help from the ladies there and am now feeling much more positive. Ok so its not an ideal situation and if I think about it too hard I go on a downer but there is hope.

Take care hun xx

 

[kirlou]

thank you all ladies so much, We have had a long over due chat and we have decided to try and have a couple of really laid back months, no opks, no cycle diary, bd only if or when we feel like it. Even if we dont get the much wanted BFP in the next couple of months at least in theory we should be a bit more relaxed.