I am fuming!

[pinkyprincess]

HV's are a load of bloody crap!

I went and got Tyler weighed (15lb 9 btw!) and waited to ask a few questions and I knew more than she did!

I explained what was said in the sleep breeds sleep thread about the 40 mins to get to deep sleep etc (age agreed) so I asked what I could do encourage him to sleep longer and she said nothing! She said SOME BABIES JUST DON'T SLEEP!!!
I then asked about him napping in his cot. No advice except put him down the same time every day. Helpful eh? I asked when I have to pick him up as he's too young to cry (she agreed) then started talking to me like I'm stupid and told me if I need to let him cry to get a cup of tea then it's ok. EXCUSE ME my boy only cries when hungry or being put in his cot/basket/on my bed. Surely encouraging me to bounce/swing/put him in the buggy to sleep is encouraging bad habits? She then said if he's fed and changes he should go down so do it after his bottle (!!!!) I frowned at her and said VERY sternly that hrs not bottle fed (no offence bit where does she get off assuming that? Is it because I'm young? I was giving a 30 something y/o advice while waiting to go in so suck on that!!)

I also asked about bumbo use. She asked what it was (?!?) I pointed one our to her and said he's too young and that the round semi circle pillows are better as he can be leant back slightly.

Also asked about wind and explained that he uses infacol. HV of the years answer? Keep using it!!!

What qualifications do you need to be a HV? I kinda want to be one to stop people like that patronising cow!

On the plus I'm on the baby massage waiting list.

 

[clairebear22]

HV's are pretty useless aren't they. I'm sure they just read a book on the 'average' baby and dish out the advice in the book!

I only saw mine about 4 times after Jack was born and she talked about football teams more than Jack?!

I also don't go to baby clinic anymore because mine is DIY!! There are about 10 weighing scales and changing mats dotted around the edge of the room with 2 HV's hovering around and you have to weigh baby yourself and write it in the red book!! I just stick him on my scales now!

I think you're doing the right thing not letting him cry, i've never really let Jack cry and he's nearly 10mths. However she may be slightly right r.e the sleeping. Some babies (in my experience as a childminder) need very little sleep during the day. I know you have trouble with your LO at night and I really don't know what to suggest for that?! Sorry x

 

[ISH]

Mine was pretty bad as well, am supposed to go to clinic regularly with Vince, but have no intention of going. She was awful, got me terribly distressed because he'd lost a bit of weight after birth - normal!!! and made me think he was in danger or something.

 

[Elfs Mummy]

We have one good one round here the rest are crap x

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[pinkyprincess]

what annoys me the most she's written this


No advice given if you ask me?

 

[LoopyLouize]

Agreed! I think out of all the health professionals, the midwives seem to be the better ones for giving advice!

 

[Laura_C]

HV's are qualified nurses that have to have been nursing for a few years before going community based. Then they have to study to become a HV in addition to their nursing degree! Takes ages to become a HV, I looked into it for the very same reason!! I used to work alongside HV's and I swore I could do a better job, most are useless but it's very good money! My HV is lovely, but she is very young IMHO, has no kids herself and tbh I think it should be a prerequisite of the job. They advice she has given me is pants, I know she is not talking from experience and as a mum to 2 kids I know she doesn't know what she is talking about. I just went with my own instincts tbh, a mothers instinct is usually the way to go!! If you know something isn't right etc then 99% of the time mummy will be right

Both my kids have been good sleepers but I did let them cry, only for 10 mins whilst settling. If they cry longer, which I might add has probably only happened less than a handful of times between two kids then of course I go and get them as they obviously aren't happy and are not wanting sleep. I did this from quite young, it was very hard but at some point they have to do it. It's much easier when they are little, as they get older it gets much harder. You know your own babies cries and I know when it is a tired cry or something else. I suppose that just comes with experience.

It's each to their own and of your not comfortable letting him cry for 10 minutes then that's your choice as his mum, no ones else's. My rule of thumb is if baby is fed, changed and has had a cuddle/play but is still not happy I go straight for the nap. Sometimes it does take 5/10mins to settle if overtired but they always sleep and wake up rested and smiley - maybe that's just my kids! I know their tired ques now so as soon as they start I put them down and they usually go down for naps awake and happy. I don't have a set nap time as such but it's usually after morning feed, this is her longest nap. Then up for next feed and she wouldn't go down then until the afternoon sometime, I just go with her. X

 

[Lilelephant]

To be honest my hv is brilliant!

 

[AugustMum]

I know this is going to sound patronising, but HV's are very qualified, but it doesn't mean then know everything about babies. Shes right, some babies just don't sleep. You've done everything you can and been amazing with his short bursts of sleep. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be sometimes.

On the assuming you're bottle feeding thing. What she should of said was after his feed. If she had assumed you were bfing and you were actually bottle feeding, Im sure you would of been just as offended.

I personally don't think set nap times are all that helpful. I found that only letting my LO stay awake for a certain amount of time worked better. For instance up until she was about 8 months or so I couldnt let her be awake more than 1.5 hours or she'd start getting overtired. She wouldnt show signs of tiredness until after the 1.5 hours and by then it was too late and we'd be in a vicious too tired to sleep cycle. Have you tried settting a time limit to his awake time? It doesn't mean he'll sleep for long but it means he'll go down easier and will have less disturbed sleep. My LO was a cat napper, only 30 minutes at a time, for a reeeaaallly long time. Only in the last 5 months or so will she sleep for an hour at a time.

Sorry you feel you didn't get much out of the visit though but whoo for 15lb!

 

[littlemiss83]

All the HV's i've had have been absolutely useless. I always thought it was due to living in a big city & them being rushed. Only thing they know is very basic things. I must admit, I did think I knew more than my HV. They are only really there to deal with basic issues & some cant even manage that. My HV has exact same handwriting.

xxxxxxxxx

 

[knopk@]

I have to agree with the statement that some babies are bad sleepers but she shouldnt brush you off like that.
I only found one good HV but she has 3 kids so not speaking just out of theory.
Some of them are very patronising and i was told numerous times my baby should sleep in a cot and shushing and patting does work. They were always implying i was doing something wrong. Only one HV has actually talked to me and said to leave it until he is fully weaned.

I had to be snotty back to one, she was so patronising it wasnt funny. I am nearly 28 not 15 ffs

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[Maria1977]

I found all the HVs quite nice... but absolutely useless. They were never reassuring, never offered advice and never knew what i was talking about. I gave up with them when Oz was about 4 months old, took him to get weighed til he was 9 months old and haven't been back since.

Will do the same with this LO but defo won't be asking them anything.

It's like they're not allowed or are too scared to offer advice in case it comes back to bite them on the arse!

They are next to useless really!!

 

[littlemuffin]

Mine is coming today for the first time.

I have a few questions as I think LO has colic, and it's horrible, and I don't know what to do. We will see what she has to say.

 

[Rachaellius]

Mine is friendly enough but really not very helpful. I asked for tips on getting Phoebe to settle for naps during the day and she just said don't worry if she won't nap it just means she'll sleep better at night

I'm so grateful for PF, I get all the advise I need from here

 

[jojo_2012]

I worked alongside health visitors as part of my nursing degree too, it's the slowest easiest job in the world, I didn't find the women who did it maternal at all I would describe them as a batch of women who were too lazy to stick to nursing. I'm considering converting myself because my job is quite draining, but I'm not sure I could handle the child abuse stuff. My main memory of my time with the HV was sitting in her car eating samosas and waiting in the car while she ran personal errands lol.

I'm pretty sure they aren't trained very much in how to get babies to sleep I don't think it comes under child health in the same way as feeding and skincare does, they probably had the same problems as the rest of us with their kids and sleep. What she's written in those notes is pretty ridiculous though.

 

[Dustbunny]

It sounds like I'm in the minority here. My HV is fantastic and has no end of time for me, always very patient and explains everything so clearly. There's also been a second HV that I've been seeing as she is a breastfeeding specialist, so they've been working together to help try and get Chloe back breastfeeding (we're gradually getting there ).

I can honestly say without my HV's I would be in a terrible state about Chloe's feeding.

What's really sad is how few HV's are like that.

 

[AugustMum]

Dustbunny Im the same. My HVs are amazing and are the reason Im persuing child nursing. There are 3 in my local team and everyone of them is brilliant. They will always spend time talking to me and giving me advice or listening to what I have to say and reassuring me. I honestly don't know where I'd be without them tbh. Its a shame other HVs aren't all like them.

 

[hesty14]

Mine was rubbish!! The nicest one I have seen was at the drop in clinic who listened when I had concerns.

 

[pinkyprincess]

I know this is going to sound patronising, but HV's are very qualified, but it doesn't mean then know everything about babies. Shes right, some babies just don't sleep. You've done everything you can and been amazing with his short bursts of sleep. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be sometimes.

On the assuming you're bottle feeding thing. What she should of said was after his feed. If she had assumed you were bfing and you were actually bottle feeding, Im sure you would of been just as offended.

I personally don't think set nap times are all that helpful. I found that only letting my LO stay awake for a certain amount of time worked better. For instance up until she was about 8 months or so I couldnt let her be awake more than 1.5 hours or she'd start getting overtired. She wouldnt show signs of tiredness until after the 1.5 hours and by then it was too late and we'd be in a vicious too tired to sleep cycle. Have you tried settting a time limit to his awake time? It doesn't mean he'll sleep for long but it means he'll go down easier and will have less disturbed sleep. My LO was a cat napper, only 30 minutes at a time, for a reeeaaallly long time. Only in the last 5 months or so will she sleep for an hour at a time.

Sorry you feel you didn't get much out of the visit though but whoo for 15lb!

Tbh I think most of my issue has been that last time I was there I was talked to like a 5 y/o, asked for genuine advice about bfing (which they apparently promote) and totally brushed off. Then today gave them benefit of the doubt, tried again and had similar treatment. If it wasn't for PF I don't think I'd be half as good or confident at looking after Tyler as I am!

I do wish at times I could see my old MW she was brilliant! I don't understand what goes wrong with the HVs. Could it be an age thing? Mine generally seem quite old! why can they not be like a RL version of PF? we all speak from experience not the text book!

Even if babies don't always sleep she was very patronising about it as if to sat 'you can't give him a sleeping pill you know!'

 

[ZMD]

My HV is pretty rubbish and patronising. All she does is make me worry! But her assistant is really lovely and has all the time in the world for me xx

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