Am i being cruel to my baby :( :(

[rachie29]

I totally disagree with with leaving a 2 week old baby to cry.

Your baby is crying for a reason, even if it is because LO just wants a cuddle it's to be expected. LO has been in your tummy for 9 months. Yes I think it would be cruel to leave a child at that age to cry.

What I would recommend which is what I did from the early days is set up a good nightime routine, I used to give him a bath at 7:30pm, get him ready for bed, cuddles and his bottle in the bedroom, dimly lit. I then put him to bed with a musical lightshow on (or my ipod which used to sit in a box that flashed to the music ) I put him down in his cot/moses awake, stayed a few minutes rubbing his tummy then left the room. He was usually still awake when I left him and would eventually fall asleep on his own. If he cried I would go back into the room and settle him again by rubbing his tummy, I hardly picked him up from his cot though. It wasn't needed.

From 9 weeks Jack slept through 12 hours and has ever since. Even before 9 weeks he was a in a good sleeping routine, even when he woke twice in the night for his feeds he would fall asleep immediately after or I could put him back into his cot and he would happily lay there and then fall asleep.

Good luck, I know those early days are hard work trying to figure things out but you will find what works for you and LO

I agree totally... we did exactly the same and had the exact same result with Holly sleeping 12hrs from 9 weeks old and I was b/f as well. Occassionaly she would wake around 5ish but 10mins on the boob and she was back off again
I never left her to cry at that age though... 2wks is a bit too young is my personal belief.

 

[handbagqueen]

I agree with all the other posts and it will get better

I am confused though- I now know and so many women on here say it, so how come when you ask the mw's and hv's why baby won't sleep in the beginning they try to tell you to do a routine or let them cry? Why don't they reassure us and say baby just wants to be close to you? Is it supposed to be obvious because I for one was so tired and because Lily slept well in the hospital I didn't get why she wouldn't sleep when we got home! It seems so obvious to me now but I just wish one of them had just told me it was normal.

 

[CH0C0H0LIC]

Not relevant

 

[keelie_b]

Thank you all for your advice.
Now when my little boy cries for mummy, he gets mummy
I've made that decision and sticking with it regardless of what HV and MW say. I spoke to OH and told him it was just making me worse (been diagnosed with PND ) and my anxiety was going through the roof making us all miserable so he decided the leave to cry method was not for our family. I feel soooo much better now that i can cuddle Dylan when he needs it. I felt i was not in control before and even tho he was MY baby, i was not allowed to do what my motherly insticts were telling me which were simply to cuddle him and make him feel better.
So at the minute we'll just try and help him understand the difference between day and night like you all suggested, he still wont sleep till 4 but he's still only teeny weeny, he'll learn when he's a bit bigger for now il just try and sleep when he does and if he wants to be held, il be there!!

 

[trixipaws]

oh gosh, i used to HATE letting her cry, i fo feel for you

(you will toughen up by their first birthday i can tell you, once they are older and started tantruming! )

i spose i was lucky i never had to do it that young, but at 4 months millie stopped sleeping thru and woke every half hour had to try controlled crying and i hated it so much!

its your choice. u dont HAVE to if it distresses you. and i cant comment for such a young baby, but in my experience (4 months +) it does work to teach them they cant hav u come running every time they make a peep. good luck

 

[purple13]

good for you for not leaving him!!! he's waaay too young - you're doing the right thing

i fundamentally disagree with cc anyway, but you might be interested to know that the chap who originally promoted the idea didn't intend its use on children younger than 18 months.

 

[linzi-x-]

I think you've said it yourself hun. If you're not happy with doing it (and it honestly doesn't sound like you are) then don't do it. For the reasons that everyone else said. He's only teeny and babies also cry to be held and comforted at this stage - picking him up when he cries when he's this young won't "make a rod for your own back" as so many of us are told by unhelpful family members and health professionals. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

As he gets older you'll start to recognise when he's just plain whinging. I've never left my daughter to cry (though now if she's tired and grumping I'll leave her for a short while) and she learned the difference between night and day quickly. She has never had a problem settling herself so in her case I can't see what more leaving her to cry would have achieved. Every baby is different but that's our experience.

Do what you want to do and what you feel comfortable with

I totally agree with daftscotslass... You dont seem happy with this and your baby is very young and probably just wants his mummy. youll probablly find over the next few weeks he'll change his routine for himself. I wanted to get my daughter in a routine as soon as i possibly could, but i slowly noticed that from 4 weeks old she fell asleep in her bouncy chair from 10pm. so i then gave her a feed and change etc and started putting her to bed she slowly cut out her night time feeds herself by not waking.

however when she was 15weeks old (just after xmas) she started whingin at around 7pm so i then tried her in bed and since then she has always gone to bed and straight to sleep, she stays asleep now until around 7-8am.

and lookin back, she had indicated all the signals herself, it was just up to me to notice them... youll be ok for a while, but leaving him to cry at such an early age just seems a little harsh xx

xxx linzi xxx

 

[nori]

Hiya hun,

I cant really add much to what the others have said really. Ive also had the "you are making a rod for your own back" bollocks by other people. I did a post on here a couple of weeks back asking about CC but decided that it wasnt for me. The only time i leave Ollie to cry is when i have to make up my bottles for him.. he either cries or doesnt get fed. Saying that i am now using a baby carrier and he loves it (its a bugger on the back though and wish id got a sling).

The big wide worls is a scary place for a little baby. I dont think alot of people think about that.

Keep it up though Keelie.. you are doing a great job!

Claire x

 

[Tick-Tock]

I would say 2 weeks is too young to leave a baby to cry.. I have only just done CC now at 6 months (because she stopped sleeping at all at night unless she was in our arms) and I don't think it would have worked as well in a younger baby... they just don't understand!!

Have you tried cluster feeding, Evie did this herself, athough I know you can make them do it... In the early evening Evie would feed almost every hour, and also feed a couple of times in succession in the morning.. this enabled her to go longer between feeds at night. I also think the cluster feeding was her way of setting her own bedtime routine, when she was feeding like that she knew it was nearly time for bed (about 10-11 pm until she was about 4 months when it naturally moved back til 8ish).

I also agree with what others have posted, making a definite difference between day and night... her feeds after her bath are done in dim lights with low noise (I still watch the telly downstairs with the lights low and volume turned quite low- she can feed for up to an hour and there is no way I am staring at a wall for that time!)...

I hope you get things sorted soon.. I know that you feel like there isn't an end to it and you'll never sleep well again.. I remember how unpredictable it all was in the early weeks but it does get better and things fall into a natural rhythm without you really having to do much to make it happen.

J
XX

 

[Steelgoddess]

I don't think you are soft at all for leaving a very small baby to cry... So young they are only just finding their way in the world a newborn is completly different to a baby baby iykwim they need lots of comfort, they can't see, as touch as well as an older baby but they do sense YOU.

Its hard work but I think parents get there in the end, normally when the child is roughly 30years old

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Well you seem happy with your decision and thats what counts
Everyone is different.

Personally I've let Farooq cry a little bit since he was about 2-2.5 weeks old. This has been encouraged by FIL, hubby, MW and HV...and to be honest I've never really had a problem letting him cry until I can hear him 'rasping' and whimpering and then I'll give up and 'offically' pick him up rather than just a quick grab to check him over.
From 2weeks until about 6weeks we only let him cry for 10-30mins.....now we leave him for 20-40mins (checking him every 10mins but not picking him up or speaking...just a quick once over to make sure he hasn't puked, looks hot etc...rarely has he ever actually complained for a full 40mins).
The thing is we obviously check him before we decide to leave him to it - milk (bottle fed), water, nappy, body temperature etc and often it was only because he wanted to sleep on me (not in his basket) and nothing else was the matter. He gets plenty of attention and cuddles and I let him take a nap on me approx once every day anyway so we have just persevered (sp?). He did used to get a bit worked up I must admit and some times no matter how much I lent over the basket stroking his head, giving him a teddy or comfort blanket that smelt of me etc I'd have to give up and wait until he was in a deep sleep on me before I moved him to the basket but now hes outgrown them we've moved him into the nursery and it's been fine since day one As long as he gets cuddles before putting him down and you tuck him up with his teddy bear and give him a few kisses with only the night light on before you leave then he is fine. He also has a lullaby night light which seems to help keep him clam (when he was in the basket we used to play CDs or put MTV on etc as background noise for him). He'll cry when he wakes up for nappy change and/or food but as soon as you enter the room he quiets down again because he knows you've come to get him. He'll then start smiling and babbling to you He honestly doesn't seem upset anymore and has started taking longer naps as well

I know everyone is different but personally I think that if you don't cut your child off sometimes you'll never get anything done He needs love and (social) attention regularly throughout the day obviously but it's no good him being used to me grabbing him as soon as he demands. If all the basics are catered for and it's just cuddles then I try to distract him with his bouncy chair or swing chair if I have something to do. It's no good me cuddling him if I'm absolutely starving and need to make myself some food or if I need to clean his bottles so that he's actually got one for his next feed
So he can wait (and cry if he wishes) until I'm ready for him. As long as it's only whinging and not full on distressed.
It's a life saver that he'll sleep on his own as well...I couldn't imagine what I'd do if he wouldn't go into a deep sleep and I was stuck luggin him around for hours on end...or not being able to move off the sofa at all
He's always been a pretty good baby though...it was just the getting him to sleep in his basket thing to start with that really made him cry and like I said it's sorted now.
However we are in a very similar sleep routine at the mo sleeps between 1am and 2am...up for a feed at 4am to 5am then straight back to bed until anywhere between 11am and 1pm
I'm going to try and slip that fist nap in at 12am instead for now so he's up at 3am and then about 9am-10am because that's what he used to do and somehow he's slipped forwards an hour lol
Once he'll accept being put down earlier i may try to even bring it to 11pm but at the moment it doesn't really bother me as I'm a night owl myself

Sorry this has turned into a massive post - just wanted to voice another side of the picture.
I can understand checking on a young baby you are worried about maybe every 5mins max....but if you go less than that and disturb them in anyway by your presence then I don't see how people expect them to learn to settle on their own, because you're never really gone and then you are probably making opening door noises or something every time you go in which will probably disturb them if they are only slipping into a light sleep

 

[abcd1234]

HV's and MW's ALL say leave them to cry, from a few days old they've been trying to get me to do this, when i asked a few days ago about any techniques to encourage her to go to bed earlier so she would also get up before 11am is was told once again to just let her cry,

I've only just started letting Tally cry, and i only do this when i put her down to bed fed changed etc and obviously sleepy, we've been trying it on a night time, and it's not worked once for us, we've got to the point where she's put in her cot with toys as she's just not tired! I put ear plugs in and close our door, i can hear her but not enough for it to upset me, OH however cant do it, and he always gives in and gets her. I don't like controlled crying but she wont settle herself at all so it's something we feel we need to try.

FWIW there was a distinct point where i felt she understood me, this was when we new that letting her cry might work, now she knows what i'm saying, she's more likely to understand why things are happening and that she's safe

 

[xmcnickyx]

FWIW there was a distinct point where i felt she understood me, this was when we new that letting her cry might work, now she knows what i'm saying, she's more likely to understand why things are happening and that she's safe

I think that's the important thing with letting a baby cry. A 2 week old has no idea what is going on and doesn't really cry for nothing. Molly seems like she's crying for nothing sometimes but she just wants a cuddle and I don't see what's wrong with giving her one. She doesn't know any different, she just wants to be near someone and I'd rather cuddle her than leave her to cry. Cuddles are awesome and cuddling a little baby is the most awesome

 

[lea m]

FWIW there was a distinct point where i felt she understood me, this was when we new that letting her cry might work, now she knows what i'm saying, she's more likely to understand why things are happening and that she's safe

ITA with that! I dont think it does much good tbh to constantly give in to babies if they cry after that point! When they do understand that it is bedtime and you should sleep etc and you know they are just crying because they know you will pick them up, then letting them cry a little is what i do!

 

[purple13]

ITA with that! I dont think it does much good tbh to constantly give in to babies if they cry after that point! When they do understand that it is bedtime and you should sleep etc and you know they are just crying because they know you will pick them up, then letting them cry a little is what i do!

i mentioned in another thread that we apply the adult trait of manipulation all to readily to our children... maybe they should sleep, but if they're not tired/don't want to be alone/etc then crying is the only way that they have of expressing their emotion. by ignoring their crying, of course over time they'll stop and sleep - its called 'learned helplessness' - teaching them that there is no point in communicating their anxiety.

connor is going through major separation anxiety at the moment; he's 10 months old and knows full well what bedtime is. but the last few nights he's gone to bed, woken up half an hour later and not settled in bed again. the simple fact is that he doesn't want to be alone and is crying because he wants to be with me. implementing CC would simply reinforce his fears and i'm sorry, but that's just not something i could contemplate doing to my child. connor's not behaving in this manner to deliberately upset the only time that OH and i have alone together; no matter how inconvenient and tiring it might be for me, what he wants will always come first. so tonight, as per the last 2 nights, i expect that i'll end up with a baby sleeping cuddled up on my knee when he should be in his cot.

 

[DebbieM]

Good reply Suz. Luke is 10 months in less than a week and he is EXACTLY the same as Connor. He will NOT sleep on his own in his cot. If I walk out of the room, he cries. If I turn my back on him, he cries. It's annoying at times, but you have to just go with the flow with these baby things as much as you might not want to lol

And I end up with a baby sleeping on me from about 9pm/10pm at night, until we go to bed and then, although we co-sleep, for some reason, he often wants me to cuddle him in the night which means I have to sit up in bed and cuddle him til he is in a deep enough sleep to be able to put him in the middle of us again.

Exhausting? Yes. Worth it? Yes, because he feels content, safe and happy

 

[Steelgoddess]

I just wanted to add here that I think sometimes as well as crying for being hungry,tired,bored, etc they can also cry for underlying reasons illness that has not been discovered, other conditions (Hayden now cries because his skin is itchy and sore and as an eczema sufferer myself I know how frustrating that can be.)

OH's Mum told me she used to leave them to cry and go in the garden I personally feel there is something a bit harsh in allowing a tiny baby to cry for long amounts of time, I would allow Hay to cry if say I'M doing something and I need to finish it up (ie something ie on the cooker I would turn that off and go and see to him) or say if im doing his bottles . Although at the same time we cannot judge everyone's situation. I am lucky in that i have a baby who always cries for a reason and when that is met he stops, bedtimes are better now because I have gotten him accustomed to knowing what bedtime means but I understand not everyone has this luxury.

Different stokes for different folks I say but leaving a tiny baby to cry nah that's not on...

 

[lea m]

ITA with that! I dont think it does much good tbh to constantly give in to babies if they cry after that point! When they do understand that it is bedtime and you should sleep etc and you know they are just crying because they know you will pick them up, then letting them cry a little is what i do!

i mentioned in another thread that we apply the adult trait of manipulation all to readily to our children... maybe they should sleep, but if they're not tired/don't want to be alone/etc then crying is the only way that they have of expressing their emotion. by ignoring their crying, of course over time they'll stop and sleep - its called 'learned helplessness' - teaching them that there is no point in communicating their anxiety.

connor is going through major separation anxiety at the moment; he's 10 months old and knows full well what bedtime is. but the last few nights he's gone to bed, woken up half an hour later and not settled in bed again. the simple fact is that he doesn't want to be alone and is crying because he wants to be with me. implementing CC would simply reinforce his fears and i'm sorry, but that's just not something i could contemplate doing to my child. connor's not behaving in this manner to deliberately upset the only time that OH and i have alone together; no matter how inconvenient and tiring it might be for me, what he wants will always come first. so tonight, as per the last 2 nights, i expect that i'll end up with a baby sleeping cuddled up on my knee when he should be in his cot.

Now I could take the reply in a personal way which I wont!
I will simply say that as I have said before, I dont agree with leaving young babies to cry!

 

[mommybing]

..maybe this is just too early. Weigh the advises of the previous posts..i love them all.