Husbands-helping or hindering?

[violet13]

Well I got up this morning after a horrible night not sleeping again and I came in late last night as my friends little girl is poorly and she asked me as her hubby works away and her other daughter needed picking up so I stayed with her got her in her pjs and all ready for bed and waited till her dad came home. The dishes from 2 days ago are still in the water and still unwashed he sat on his Xbox all night fair enough he works it's his downtime but I do everything washing cooking dishes hoovering dusting cleaning in general I do it all. And he had the effing nerve to moan at me as dinner wasn't done for him.....if something needs doing and I'm not home I have asked him to do it more than once so today the Xbox gets removed in so fed up of doing it now. He's never once come home and tidied up for me he has half days on Fridays and will probably come home and play his Xbox again. I'm not in the mood anymore I am not cleaning all day for him to come home while I am still cleaning to sit around and do sod all, it's the same of a weekend he makes a mess leaves it doesn't do the dishes after meal times and I'll be spending all my time cleaning yesterday morning a friend asked me to go out shopping so I did and had a good day bought some bits I needed and a few I wanted as in decent hair products and he moaned at me for it....how do I go about this? I really can't keep on top of everything in the house. We have dogs too so I'll clean up after them the garden well....it's bad I can only do so much not happy this morning not at all. Xxx

 

[WishingHoping]

Tell him.

Men aren't mind readers (unfortunately) & I have always had the belief "start as you mean to go on" he is probably used to this now so won't understand why you have an issue with it suddenly when before you probably just did it.

I would stop doing it. He will soon notice then.

I had a similar problem recently & found used pans back in the cupboard because he put them in there rather than the dishwasher????????? *shakes head*

I had left these in the sink for FIVE DAYS to get the message to him so when I found them I went mad. He didn't like it & of course denied putting them in the cupboard (must of been the cat) but as soon as he saw he had upset me & actually physically saw what happens when Queen Fairy Clean Wife does he went straight back downstairs & the kitchen was spotless! Ever since he has been great.

Sometimes they need a kick up the arse... With a nail studded boot!!

xx

 

[KHTW]

Xboxes are evil things, hun!

Have another chat with him and if that doesn't work I suggest you beat him up with that xbox of his x

 

[violet13]

I could actually murder him, I've been fine throughout the pregnancy but now with little over 9 weeks to go I am in hyper drive, the dogs can't help even though that'd be awesome but they don't mean to make a mess either I forgive my furry friends. The Xbox has been removed and hidden and I've left notes to find this cable you must clean whatever, I have told him multiple times and it never gets done I ask him to do something and I get well why.....because I asked you too you lazy so and so!! I've hidden all the games too. The garden has not been cleaned in a while and honestly it makes me puke to do it but I've tried my best to get it done. I've got washing on and I'll Hoover and dust today but I ain't doing anymore. Just will this get better once baby is here? Is he gonna actually help me? Urghhh thanks ladies sometimes I do not think I'd be this sane without you xxx

 

[mylullaby]

Sorry to say it but I can't see things getting any better when baby arrives unless you take action now. None of this hiding his xbox stuff though - you're being as childish doing that as he is lazing around expecting you to clean up after him (although I totally understand why you're doing it!)

I think you need a calm, rational approach when you're not in a major strop about it. Make a list of ALL the chores - bins, dishes, cooking, hoovering, the lot. Split them into daily/weekly/monthly if it helps. Then agree who is responsible for what. If you have different expectations about HOW clean things need to be (ie you're a neat freak and he's a dirty slob) you might need to come to a compromise at this point. Are you at home more than him or do you both work full time? That might help with working out how the chores are weighted. I also think you should agree to re-address the chores list when baby arrives - so that things like bath time, bedtime and tidy up time are included.

I really do get why you're reacting angrily as you are, but taking his xbox away is like punishing a child for being naughty. If you want him to act like an adult (ie pull his weight) you need to treat him like one - even if he isn't currently acting like one!! xxx

 

[H16]

I would tell him I'm afraid. My OH can sometimes turn into a lazy ps4 addict so I know where you are coming from but if he starts moaning at me about anything that needs doing I tell him to get off his ass and do it as he has arms and legs and no excuse. Relationships are about give and take.

Like you I do all the cooking and washing up/cleaning kitchen and bathrooms. This is because if he cooked we would either die of poisoning or eat fry ups every day and I am just super funny about kitchen and bathroom cleaning and don't feel like it is done properly unless I do it myself. BUT he does all the polishing, hoovering, mowing of the lawn etc as I refuse to do it - it's his "job" and this has been agreed ever since we moved in together 3 years ago. Sometimes he does get lazy so I give him a gentle reminder such as saying oh the kitchen and bathrooms are sparkling shame the living room is a shit hole and he will get off his ass and clean it lol.

Just tell him that when baby arrives he will have to help out more as you won't have enough hours in the day to do everything and that unless he wants to live in a shit tip he needs to start pulling his weight! x

 

[Natalie_reid]

tell him if he wants certain things done he can get his arse off xbox and go and do it for himself. My partner is the same its men for you think life begins and ends at work. see if my OH moaned id say well you know what to do your a grown man get up off your backside n do it

 

[Mummybexee]

Wouldnt stand for it ! I'd put my foot down!

Luckily I have a good hubby - he's not into all that Xbox and PS4 malarkey. He cooks and helps and cleans. He got home early from work yesterday so when I got home there was a lasagne cooking in the oven and the pots he used to make it washed up. While I get my son ready for nursery each morning he makes our sandwiches and a cup of tea.

You have to be firm. Else you'll make a rod for your own back when baby is here.

He either pulls his weight or pisses off... No middle ground for me

And the whole ' that's men ' or 'typical man' doesn't apply to all men

 

[kumber]

I agree, taking the Xbox away isn't going to work. I tried and it just ended in a massive argument and made things worse. The only thing thwt worked for us was writing out all the jobs and letting him decide which jobs he wanted to do. That way, when he didn't do his jobs I could say something but if I didn't do my jobs, he could say something too. It made it fair, rather then me nagging him all the time.

It took a while but he's great now, he does pretty much all the major jobs now I'm struggling to even move but it was hard work getting here. Treating them like an adult definitely works.

 

[Natalie_reid]

My OH doesn't moan about things as he knows I will just say what you know what to do then! Go and do it yourself lol why should men get downtime when women don't. work fulltime n then I come home and do housework! x

 

[mylullaby]

And the whole ' that's men ' or 'typical man' doesn't apply to all men

Totally agree. xxx

 

[Lolie14]

I agree with the don't treat him like a child comments too.

I couldn't have coped at all through this pregnancy if it hadn't have been for my hubby. He does all the cooking as he is better at it than me! I do all the housework (although only the light chores now) and the does all the garden/fixing stuff. It works for us, we spoke about which chores we didn't like and compromised on them.

Men cannot read minds so just sit down and have a grown up conversation... Draw up a list of who does what if you have to!

 

[WishingHoping]

My mum actually had a rota for my dad & then added us to it as we got older.

That way he knew what to do on what days like take the bins out as they get collected this day, Hoover this day, dishwasher every night & she keeps the jobs like bathrooms & vaccuming to herself as she knows they are done properly then. (I do the same with those jobs) it worked & 25years later my dad is king of the washing machine & heaven forbid anyone else touched it!!

xx

 

[violet13]

We e had a big talk and I said to him I can't keep doing everything on my own I need him to help me out so he's helping. Which shocked me tbh but I said to him I feel like I always do the house work and never have time for myself and it's getting me down. I know when baby is here I'll have no time for myself at all and be exhausted most of the time but I needed him to start helping now and to just lighten the load on me. So hopefully he sticks to iit. Thanks ladies very much xxxx

 

[Mummybexee]

If he slips - give him a pinch and a kick up the arse x

 

[doll_eyes]

My hubby is thoughtless rather than lazy and works a job where he does lates and standyby/callouts so I do tend to do most things as I only work 30 hours plus over time. He takes the bins out, does cat and bunny trays and does the dishwasher usually and grass cutting, he does need telling though as his mum did EVERY little thing for him before we lived together where as I was brought up sharing chores. I blame her for his attitude, but he really does help when I ask him or remind him it just doesnt come naturally unfortunately x

hope your oh is helping you more, youre having a rough time x

 

[ml600]

Doll eyes do you have house bunnies? Just asking as you said your OH does their tray??

I'm very lucky with my OH. He would do anything I asked but now I'm on maternity leave and he's working 50 hours a week, I just ask him to empty the bin as I find it very heavy and struggle to take it out (we live in a first floor apartment). Violet I hope your OH sticks to his new regime x

 

[doll_eyes]

Did have a bonded pair, but now only have 6 year old rescue cross lionhead Rosie! She's free range and so clean, poor cat gets shut away at night because Rosie was here first lol she's as big as the cat too! Did have a little four year old lop, but lost him last year to a vet mishap was devastating. Im a rabbit welfare advocate for my local rescue, bit bunny mad im afraid. Even have a tattoo of a grey bunny in a rose cup! Was thinking of another one to pair with Rosie, but she's really taken to the cat xx

 

[ml600]

Aw that's so cute! I have a bonded pair, also free range house bunnies!! Buttons and billy! She's very mid he opus and he's very relaxed, they compliment each other so well! X

 

[kumber]

Ohhhh no, not more house bunnies

doll_eyes, I'm gonna be pestering you for bunny pics before long!