How much access should I allow?

[queenanne]

So here's the short version of events!

I'm expecting twins in May. I was pregnant when I found out my ex had been lying to me through our whole relationship, so ended it. I'm not at all scared of being on my own.

I have also found out that he hit one of his other children and hurt his youngest, who is now nearly 3, when he cried too much. There is a social services report which states he must not be alone when he has access to them. All the children were interviewed.

I'd heard his ex say things like this and that he hit her to, but didn't believe it as we'd been friends for years and stupidly believed him. I've since had the proof.

So when the twins arrive how much access would be fair? I've decided he will never have them alone, if he wants to take them out I will go to. It'll make it difficult for his parents though, as they now hate me (they think this of all their sons' ex's regardless) but I still intend to take them to see their grandparents.

I would be very surprised if he took me to court as he wouldn't want his parents to know. He's the typical mummy's boy!

What adds to the difficulty is my other children's father visits regularly and is a good friend of mine. My ex hates him with a passion and although I can try to keep them apart, I know realistically this won't always be possible.

So can anyone give me an idea of what would be fair?

Thanks in advance

 

[flexilexi394]

wow how wierd to think you think you know someone and you really dont eh. scary really.
firstly, like once a week supervised?? if he cant be trusted honey then he cant be trusted, end of story! his parents can do one! if their precious son is violent towards children they need to take a look at their side first before they start hating you!! silly people.
like you say, if he wants to take them out, you can go too. or have a social worker go or something. i dont think overnight is a good idea at all, just one day a week maybe. im no expert, its just what id probably do in the same situation x

 

[midnight]

you dont have to be involved in the supervisation either speak to your hv personally i wouldnt bother organising anything yet does he see his other children and is he involved with them?

 

[queenanne]

Thanks ladies

He is invloved with his other children, but only really since we split. I've been in contact with his other kids mum and she's saying how great he's doing and how he always goes and helps out when she calls. He used to tell me she wouldn't let him see them, but it was the other way round.

What I was kinda planning was to let him come to my house to see them when my kids are at school for maybe an hour or two every other day. He'd never be alone with them. I don't think he'd do anything because he's acting like he wants me back and playing for sympathy....you know the old crocodile tears! I don't fall for that rubbish, he made his bed, he can lie in it.

So true. You think you know someone. I've known him since he was 8, he's 35 now, and I worked with him. It seems his parents like to lie to. The sun shines out of the family's ass so I doubt his parents will ever change. I really didn't have a clue until one of his lies made my daughter out to be a liar, so I did some digging. I'm not shocked anymore, just worried about the babes. One things for sure, I won't be letting them out of my sight.

 

[midnight]

yeah if your happy to have him visit in your home then go for it

i was thinking about you the other week had id not seen you on the forum since announcing your twins

 

[queenanne]

aww bless you midnight.......been a tad sidetracked! Plus the sad stories were sometimes too much to bare. I'm 19weeks now, big as a house and all's fine. So many consultants, m/w and scans though!! I don't mind though, it's all for the greater good. xx