How do you cope with seeing other people's babies?

[buddabun]

One of my friends had her 4th baby yesterday. I dropped her post off at her house, not expecting my friend to be home (I was hoping to catch the housekeeper) but she was there. So I met her new little girl, Charlotte Rose. She is just the most perfect thing but it was all I could do not to burst into tears.

And to top it off my friend has been so wonderful about my 2 miscarriages, I just feel awful that I can barely stand to be in the same room with her at the moment. I made it to the car before the sobbing set in. To top it off the books I ordered off Amazon whilst pregnant arrived today. Effing brilliant

How do you cope with things like this? I just keep crying all the time

 

[Slinky Sarah]

All i can say chick is that it kinda gets easier.
I saw my cousin about 3 weeks after i lost bean when she brough Els home. It was hard, especially when she took me to show me the nursery and asked how the TTC was going (she was the only one who knew). I think it made her uncomfy too knowing but she was fine with it.

I have been buying a few bits for a friend for her baby ands wierd knowing i would have been doing that for myself about know with only having about 7 weeks to go (DD 9th January), and having a 8 month old baby now. You never forget and the pain never goes, but in time (im still waiting) it gets less painful.

I for one will probably spend the rest of mylife thinking about both my children and wondering what they would have been like. And i wish i owuld get the chance to be able to meet them and care for them.

Im here if you need me chick xxx

 

[buddabun]

thanks sarah.

i am trying so hard not to think of them as children as i'm sure they wouldn't have survived and it was just what nature intended. But it's hard because in my mind both times (although second time around took a little longer) I had accepted them as my future children. Even though both times they were just a disc of cells, maybe with a rudimentary neural tube depending on how far along I was. But when you're pregnant you think ahead to what could be.

And now I'm looking back on what could have been. This has just been such a horrendous 2 months for us. What with losing Jack and then the two miscarriages. Luckily we are going to go away in December. Shoving it on the credit cards but we need a break and hubby is working non stop until May after Dec.

It has just hit me so much harder this time for some reason. I can't stop crying and it's awful because Julie has this beautiful little girl and I just want to enjoy her company and be happy for my friend. But I just want to cry whenever I think of her!!!

 

[Slinky Sarah]

i know what you mean chick. The first time was a mistake., I wasnt with david at the time (was still sleeping with him on and off as he was using me). When i found out i didnt know what the hell to do and spent a couple of weeks with him having a go saying abort etc.
That time it was all on 9 weeks and i was just getting used to the idea and just met lee. It was hard cos i was so far along etc but the baby wasnt planned and wasnt with Lee etc.

The second time we had been trying for 7 months and we didnt know we were pregnant (i had been spotting from day one and after 10 days i went to the docs for them to say sounds like an early miscarriage etc then lost later that same day-knew it was a miscarriage as it was the same as last time.) so i think the second time hit us alot harder. Ansd also there is then that added dread of what if there is something wrong with me for me to lose twice...

A break sounds like just what you need chick. Im away on the 19th too for a long weekend with my mum. I know what you mean baout hard months... im struggling very bad with everything. Hoping things pick up for both of us soon hun xx

 

[buddabun]

me too. it's just an awful time!!

I know I'm lucky in so many ways - that we now know we can get pregnant even if it wont stick, that it wasn't further along, that time is on my side (i'm 23) etc etc etc

And people keep saying "you're young, you can try again" and "oh it's much more fun practising anyway *wink wink*".

Yeah great, cheers.

 

[Slinky Sarah]

god i know i mean yeah its a great consolation getting pregnant to lose

Im 20 so i know what you mean, yes we are both young and yes we can both try for many more years but at the end of the day it doesnt make it hurt any less.

Just got to hold on to knowing it can happen and if there is a problem we could find out eventually....

are you TTC again?

 

[dina.marie]

me too. it's just an awful time!!

I know I'm lucky in so many ways - that we now know we can get pregnant even if it wont stick, that it wasn't further along, that time is on my side (i'm 23) etc etc etc

And people keep saying "you're young, you can try again" and "oh it's much more fun practising anyway *wink wink*".

Yeah great, cheers.

im 21 and people keep telling me this too. i just want to thump them! xxx

 

[buddabun]

how can they possibly think that's an appropriate response?! yes I may be young but I thought I was having a baby. That[/i] baby. The fact that I have a good 20 years left in me to keep trying is no consolation. I thought I was going to be a mother and now I'm not. It doesn't matter if you're 16 or 46, that is still a hard thing to deal with.

Of course it does make it slightly easier knowing you don't have so much of a time limit but how can people think that it's a comforting thing to say?!

Yes Sarah we will be trying again. Hopefully this afternoon if I have my way.

I just hate my body - it is still playing tricks on me making me feel queasy every now and again and I still have the same back/belly ache I had last week So much so that I took a hpt yesterday. -ve of course lol

My friend's baby is just beautiful but I found it so hard. And I feel so guilty as, even though she now has 4, she lost one. Although I have later found out she didn't even know she was pregnant until she looked back at the dates and realised it must have been a m/c. But still. She 'gets' it more than anyone else I've spoken to. Plus this place is such a fishbowl when it comes to gossip that if I'm anything less than jumping for joy for my friend word will get around. Somebody already told them about my first m/c even though I have denied it ever since and spread a cover story.

I just feel like I can't be myself. I have no desire to go out but there are certain things I have to attend.

I do want to see Julie again and apologise that I wasn't myself yesterday. And maybe give baby Charlotte a hug. It's odd. I don't want her for myself, I'm not jealous per se, I just want our chance.

Have talked to hubby as we had previously decided to wait a month in case it was my endometrium being too thin after the last m/c but we both just want to try again. If it happens, it happens.

We are going to the doctor on Thurs to tell them about this m/c and to ask if there are any tests they can do. I know in the UK they leave it until you've had 3 but there is always the option of going private here (it's not that expensive) or they may just let us have them on the national service. Who knows.

How are you two today?

 

[emeraldsroses]

It's difficult, but that's normally if it's a "stranger's" child. It's a bit easier when I see a family member's or friend's child. I don't know why, but it just makes it easier on me. I suppose I see them as surrogate nieces or nephews.

 

[babyblonde]

It's funny with me as seeing babies hasn't really affected me that much. The weekend after our chemical pregnancy we went to see our new baby niece for the first time and I was prepared for it to be really hard but it actually wasn't. Even this time round I can't wait to see her again before christmas. We have another little niece or nephew due in January so we'll see how I am with that but at the moment I feel ok about it.

Really stupid things are getting to me - like someone at work going on about me being so thin, and just crying inside thinking, I don't want to be thin I want to be pregnant.

I guess we all deal with things differently!

 

[trixipaws]

dont feel bad for feeling this way, im sure its normal. i'm sure your friend understands. when i was pregnant i used to avoid women i knew had lost their babies because i didnt want to upset them just by being there, i knew i would. once she was born i didnt know anyone who'd lost a baby (the ones i knew are all work colleagues) but i wouldve done the same thing, tried to hide her from them in case they got upset.

 

[buddabun]

trixi she was trying to hid from me. she was due last week so must have been uncomfortable and I didn't want to bother her asking her if she needed help (as everyone will be doing that). And she said she was trying to avoid me as she knew the last thing I needed was to be around "someone like her". She is such a sweetie.

I feel a whole lot better about the baby now. I had a bit of a breakdown on Thursday but held baby Charlotte yesterday (she is SO tiny!!) and feel much happier.

I do know what you mean about people saying inappropriate or upsetting things. My housekeeper keeps telling me I've lost weight (and I would rather have a massive old bump!), and she keeps saying the whole "you're young, you'll have another". When I didn't want 'another', I wanted THAT ONE!

Being young is no consolation whatsoever!