Hi ladies,
I guess we all hoped never to have to visit this section of the forum eh? It's taken me a while to be up to it, but I've found all the other sections so useful in the past that I'm hoping this one will help me too.
Without really wanting to go into the details just yet (still too raw to see in black & white), I'm currently going through a miscarriage - started last Friday & still going strong unfortunately - been the worst week of my life so far. Keep being on the point of having to go back into hospital for an evacuation op. but cos I'm well on the way, they're encouraging me to try to hang in there & ride it out.
I'm sure you can all identify with me & I'm also sure that many of you will undoubtedly have had much worst experiences than me & you all have my complete admiration & understanding.
My lovely hubby has been absolutely fantastic - we're slowly getting through it together & both our families & workplaces have all been very understanding & supportive. Most of our friends have also been amazing but others have surprised me in a way...
I know it's a difficult thing for anyone to understand unless they've been through it themselves (especially poor men!) & I know it's not their fault in that they don't know what to say or do for the best etc etc & I'm sure I'm probably being over-sensitive & over-reacting about it all - nothing more irrational than a hormonal woman eh? However, I've been really irritated by some people (mostly women?!) & I just need to have a bit of a rant about it if that's ok?! Have any of you felt the same or had similar situations or is it just me being way too emotional about everything?!...
We've had comments like - 'well, if you'd like a change of scene or a night out to cheer yourself up, let me know - we're about all weekend' - what?! This early in the situation?! Struggling to get through the bl@@dy day right now - is that the best you can do?!
We've had several 'hope you're ok & will be better soon' - we've not had the flu for god's sake!! We even had a 'hope whatever the problem is will be fixed soon' - eh?!?!
A lot of people keep telling us that they know loads of women who've had a miscarriage & now have babies or are pregnant again & I know they're only trying to reassure us, but when that's the first & only comment they have to make, it sounds like they're completely ignoring what it means to you & what you're going through & what you've lost & are kind of saying 'you're not the only ones - you'll have a baby at some point probably so what's your problem?!' D'you know what I mean or am I going insane & over-analysing the most ridiculous things??!!
I've also got the impression from some people who seem to think it should only take a few days & we'll be 'over it' soon & 'back to normal' - we've even had that comment!!
I've even had 1 woman who I considered to be a good friend who hasn't even contacted me AT ALL - to say ANYTHING - not even a 'sorry - I don't know what to say but let me know if you need anything' which seems to be the standard response from people who really don't know what else to say!! She's the other half of a couple we see all the time who live round the bl@@dy corner - my hubby & hers work together & we've been friends for almost 4 years - not 100% best friends massively close, but certainly good friends. I'm always sensitive to her needs & have been helping her out a lot lately cos she's struggling to conceive & I spent almost 2 years in the same boat so I've been very very understanding & supportive to her. She usually mails me at least once per day but this week - NOTHING.
My hubby told hers a week ago now when it happened & he's sent a couple of pretty naff messages (to my hubby) full of inappropriate comments about hoping we're bearing up & are ok etc. (yeah, right??!!) but that's been all we've heard from them - not really surprised at him - he's obviously a bloke (!!) but also not really the most expressive or understanding kind of soul. Must admit, I'm quite disappointed & a little bit hurt that she's not contacted me though - only last week she was pouring her heart out to me about conceiving & expecting me to be there for her, which I was without hesitation.
The last straw has got to have been the fact that she thoughtlessly sent both my hubby & me one of those popular stupid joke e-mails this week which she was obviously sending out to all her friends - we're probably on some sort of group she's got set up on her e-mail that she sends this sort of stuff to, but all the same - am I the only person who would have thought twice before doing that?! I mean, for f@ck's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry - just really peeved about it - obviously more than I thought!!!!!
OK, I think I'm calming down now!!
On a better note, some of my closest girlfriends have been incredible - I've been moved to tears so many times in the past week by their kind, understanding words & thoughfulness, so I consider myself to be incredibly lucky in that respect at least!
It'd be helpful to hear from anyone else out there who can kind of 'get' where I'm coming from at the moment - any comments gratefully received!!
Kath.
I guess we all hoped never to have to visit this section of the forum eh? It's taken me a while to be up to it, but I've found all the other sections so useful in the past that I'm hoping this one will help me too.
Without really wanting to go into the details just yet (still too raw to see in black & white), I'm currently going through a miscarriage - started last Friday & still going strong unfortunately - been the worst week of my life so far. Keep being on the point of having to go back into hospital for an evacuation op. but cos I'm well on the way, they're encouraging me to try to hang in there & ride it out.
I'm sure you can all identify with me & I'm also sure that many of you will undoubtedly have had much worst experiences than me & you all have my complete admiration & understanding.
My lovely hubby has been absolutely fantastic - we're slowly getting through it together & both our families & workplaces have all been very understanding & supportive. Most of our friends have also been amazing but others have surprised me in a way...
I know it's a difficult thing for anyone to understand unless they've been through it themselves (especially poor men!) & I know it's not their fault in that they don't know what to say or do for the best etc etc & I'm sure I'm probably being over-sensitive & over-reacting about it all - nothing more irrational than a hormonal woman eh? However, I've been really irritated by some people (mostly women?!) & I just need to have a bit of a rant about it if that's ok?! Have any of you felt the same or had similar situations or is it just me being way too emotional about everything?!...
We've had comments like - 'well, if you'd like a change of scene or a night out to cheer yourself up, let me know - we're about all weekend' - what?! This early in the situation?! Struggling to get through the bl@@dy day right now - is that the best you can do?!
We've had several 'hope you're ok & will be better soon' - we've not had the flu for god's sake!! We even had a 'hope whatever the problem is will be fixed soon' - eh?!?!
A lot of people keep telling us that they know loads of women who've had a miscarriage & now have babies or are pregnant again & I know they're only trying to reassure us, but when that's the first & only comment they have to make, it sounds like they're completely ignoring what it means to you & what you're going through & what you've lost & are kind of saying 'you're not the only ones - you'll have a baby at some point probably so what's your problem?!' D'you know what I mean or am I going insane & over-analysing the most ridiculous things??!!
I've also got the impression from some people who seem to think it should only take a few days & we'll be 'over it' soon & 'back to normal' - we've even had that comment!!
I've even had 1 woman who I considered to be a good friend who hasn't even contacted me AT ALL - to say ANYTHING - not even a 'sorry - I don't know what to say but let me know if you need anything' which seems to be the standard response from people who really don't know what else to say!! She's the other half of a couple we see all the time who live round the bl@@dy corner - my hubby & hers work together & we've been friends for almost 4 years - not 100% best friends massively close, but certainly good friends. I'm always sensitive to her needs & have been helping her out a lot lately cos she's struggling to conceive & I spent almost 2 years in the same boat so I've been very very understanding & supportive to her. She usually mails me at least once per day but this week - NOTHING.
My hubby told hers a week ago now when it happened & he's sent a couple of pretty naff messages (to my hubby) full of inappropriate comments about hoping we're bearing up & are ok etc. (yeah, right??!!) but that's been all we've heard from them - not really surprised at him - he's obviously a bloke (!!) but also not really the most expressive or understanding kind of soul. Must admit, I'm quite disappointed & a little bit hurt that she's not contacted me though - only last week she was pouring her heart out to me about conceiving & expecting me to be there for her, which I was without hesitation.
The last straw has got to have been the fact that she thoughtlessly sent both my hubby & me one of those popular stupid joke e-mails this week which she was obviously sending out to all her friends - we're probably on some sort of group she's got set up on her e-mail that she sends this sort of stuff to, but all the same - am I the only person who would have thought twice before doing that?! I mean, for f@ck's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry - just really peeved about it - obviously more than I thought!!!!!
OK, I think I'm calming down now!!
On a better note, some of my closest girlfriends have been incredible - I've been moved to tears so many times in the past week by their kind, understanding words & thoughfulness, so I consider myself to be incredibly lucky in that respect at least!
It'd be helpful to hear from anyone else out there who can kind of 'get' where I'm coming from at the moment - any comments gratefully received!!
Kath.