What to do? - updated x

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by tracey 2, Dec 3, 2007.

  1. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    Hi all

    Im not sure if i should be putting this down but i could do with some advice.

    Its just a really close friend has invited me out for lunch tommorrow, and i havent seen her for months we talk loads on the phone but the thing is she has a 8 weeks old little girl, who i havent seen.

    She knows everything that has happened and we have put it off for now seeing each other and she has been fine and said only if i want to so we agreed few weeks ago to meet then, she said she can leave her daughter at home and just come by herself, but i think il still feel the same, im not upset at the moment or anything i cant describe how i feel i suppose its fear seeing a little thing that sould have been chloe, yes iv seen babies around but it feels different cos its a close friend.

    I dont in a way want to put it off again as i do want to see my mate and maybe little one cos if i dont know i never will, but on the other hand can i cope with it.

    I would appreciate your thoughts on this as im meeting her tommorrow,

    thank you :hug: :hug:
     
  2. gypsy

    gypsy Well-Known Member

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    Good luck with your meet up tomorrow.
    If she is as good a friend as you say I am sure she will be expecting some tears from you.
    it may do you good as well, to have a good cry and to talk to a good friend about what happened.

    :hug:

    Let me know how it goes.

    Shell
     
  3. Slinky Sarah

    Slinky Sarah Well-Known Member

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    Hi tracy.
    I would go, like shell has said it will do you good to have a good chat and even a good cry to a friend...
    like you say even if she doesnt bring the baby then it wont really change anything because you still know about her. I was the same with Lee's son..i wasnt sure how i would react even though hes a toddler, well now 4. It really helped to be honest but obviously we are all different and my situation is a hell of a lot different to yours.
    Go and have a good catch up hun.
    Hope it goes well and isnt too hard on you...here for you if you need me xxx :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  4. Sammystar

    Sammystar Well-Known Member

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    I think it will do you the world of good hun. She's a close friend and so it won't matter if yo have a cry and open up a bit.

    It might not be easy, but I really think it'll be a positive step for you hun.

    Good luck :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  5. Fluffy Bunny

    Fluffy Bunny Well-Known Member

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    I'd say go for it, a close friend will expect nothing from you and it may get harder the longer you put it off?

    You may want to meet somewhere a bit private (ie someones house) so if you get upset you can just let it all go, you may feel a bit wierd getting upset in public.

    :hug:
     
  6. Little miss pink

    Little miss pink Well-Known Member

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    If your friend is a good friend, if you cry or get upset she will understand.

    If i was in her position i would understand that it doesn't mean your not happy for her but just that its so so hard for you after everything you have been through. And if you did break down i would then wrap my arms around you and give you the biggest hug and and i'm sure your friend will understand just the same!

    I really hope it goes ok and good luck

    sending you loads and loads of hugs :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    LMP x
     
  7. puppylove

    puppylove Well-Known Member

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    Hey Tracey, good luck with today if you do go, i hope u do as i think it might be good meeting up with a close friend and as other girls have said she will understand thats its gonna b hard for ya.

    lots of :hug: :hug: :hug: going to you
     
  8. Trudyscrumptious76

    Trudyscrumptious76 Well-Known Member

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    Hope it goes well today. I'm sure she'll understand all your feelings if she's a good friend. It's a hurdle to get over, I'm sure you'll feel better when you see her. :hug: :hug:
     
  9. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    thank you all girls, i dont know if i can, so far i am still meeting her but i cant explain it its not the fact she has a baby, but the fact that little girl might have been like mine, maybe if it was a boy id be thinking different maybe, i dont know im so torn up over it all.

    Should be meeting her just after lunch, we have arranged to go to a cafe near us so if i cant go or gets to much its just 5 min drive home for both of us.

    Thank you guys for all your replys, :hug: :hug:
     
  10. rhian85

    rhian85 Well-Known Member

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    i hope it goes okay and im sure she will understant how u feel about her having a little girl...shes a good mate she will want to help u hun not make u feel uneasy about being around her LO.

    i do hope u have a good time, i really do :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  11. gypsy

    gypsy Well-Known Member

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    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Hope it went well. Even if she wasn't a close friend, maybe family and not that close you are going to be wondering all sorts of things. Even if you see a baby in the town, if it;s about the right age you will always be wondering .............

    try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

    Shell
     
  12. Slinky Sarah

    Slinky Sarah Well-Known Member

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    how did it go? xxx
     
  13. Steelgoddess

    Steelgoddess Well-Known Member

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    Im sorry i misssed this but wanted to find out how you got on hon? That is a tough dilemma...

    I know my friend has a baby who is 1 and i was fine around her but only because a: she wasnt a newborn and b because i knew my friend had been trying for a year and a half so its hard and i understood, i guess we never know how we feeel unless we face these things head on...

    Im hoping you went and felt ok, and even if you didnt one day you will be ready but do give yourself time and only when YOU'RE ready

    xxxx
     
  14. Tick-Tock

    Tick-Tock Well-Known Member

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    Hope it all went well today.... I had a similar thing when friends who were PG at the same time as me last time all had their babies (we were all 4 weeks apart).... when we met up, I did cry and they said they did expect me too... after that I was fine with them and their babies, I hope it ends up the same way for you.....

    J
    XX
     
  15. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    Hi guys, sorry this is first chance iv had to get on here so sorry for delay.

    Yep i went i was really panicking but it was more nervous just wondering how i would cope.

    Anyway meet my friend at the cafe and little one was asleep in buggy, so we had a chat for a bit and it was ok it was like baby wasnt there kinda, then she woke up and my mate picked her up and asked if i wanted a cuddle, she was really great said her partner was over the road if it got to much she can call him to take her back home.

    Anyway i eventually held her and she was admazing i cant describe it, as i was looking at her i was telling my friend all about chloe, and like the differences with them, she asked me loads of questions about chloe, it was like she was there with me and my mate was taking it all in.

    I gave her back and just sat there staring at her, im sure people where thinking what was i doing but i didnt care, shortly after her partner came took her so we chatted bit more.

    and i dont know what it was but i think my mate could just see it in my eyes she reached over put her hand on my shoulder and said you dont have to be brave for me, my god that set me right off i just cried and cried (thankfully it was quiet in there) she just held me and said it ok over and over again (god im crying again as i write this) no one has ever done that with me before everyone asks are you ok etc but never just hugged me and let me cry.

    So it all went ok i managed to hold it together i think for a while but i felt i let a hell of a lot out afterwards, maybe that was something i needed to get me going properly with the grief process i dont know.

    But thank you for all your advice :hug: :hug:
     
  16. Sammystar

    Sammystar Well-Known Member

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    so proud of you hun. I'm crying as I write this!

    well done......

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  17. Krystal

    Krystal Well-Known Member

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    aww Tracy, i'm crying reading your post. You were so brave todya. It sounds like your mate is an amazing girl as well. I'm glad it was better than expected for you :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  18. Slinky Sarah

    Slinky Sarah Well-Known Member

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    aww tracy hun. im so glad you went and managed to have a good chat, and a good cry.
    How are you doing?
    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  19. Trudyscrumptious76

    Trudyscrumptious76 Well-Known Member

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    You were so brave. You've made my heart swell with pride at your courage. What a fantastic friend you have. I'm so glad you took this step and let out whatever needed to be let out. So pleased you feel you're ready to face the next step in the grieving process. Well done. Hold on to her she sounds like a friend in a million!!!

    Chloe would be so proud seeing her brave mum. Fantastic keep on trying, it'll get better day by day.

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  20. Minxy

    Minxy Well-Known Member

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    Well done Tracey for making the meet, your courage blows me away :hug:
     

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