how do all stay positive?

[Rebecca27]

Hi all

I have been tryig for over a year now and no pregancy. i have read every book and googled every question.

I do everything you are advised, dont drink or smoke (and never have), i put o weight to be at my ideal weight, i swim twice a week, i take vitamins, eat well and drink lots of water.

I feel so frustrated i have always wanted to be a mum, when i was younger and people would ask what i wanted to be when i was older i always replied "i want to be a mum"

I just dont know why its not happening and more importantly how to stay positive.

Thinking about it makes me want to cry. Sorry to go on just have no-one other than my partner to talk to and i know he is as frustrated as me.

Can anyone help me? x

 

[Bead]

Hi Rebecca
I know exactly how you feel - we've been trying for a year too, and it's a real emotional rollercoaster. It's so hard to stay positive all the time, isn't it!?
I talk to my husband a lot, which helps, as does venting to the lovely ladies on this forum. Everyone is so supportive.

Have you seen your GP yet? I found that helped too (just knowing that tests are being done, progress being made etc, that helped me to feel a bit more positive).
Oh and a large chocolate bar does wonders too (in moderation), plus a large glass of wine on AF day!!

Xx

 

[LouiseB]

Aw sweetie...

You know, sometimes we just need a good cry. Watch a film that you love and gets all your emotions going and have a sob.

Then it's time to get pro-active. Get intouch with a GP, tell them you've been trying for 26 months (2 years is too obvious ) and just get the ball rolling.

You've been at it for a year and presuming you have a grasp of the art of babymaking, then there is no reason you shouldn't be pregnant.

I think waiting and giving it time is bs when you are doing everything physically possible - i think you have clearly been trying long enough.

You call them

 

[Rebecca27]

Thanks, for this.

I have spoken to the doctor at 10 months and burst into tears! she said she will test me if i havent had any luck after 14 months (this is the 14th month!) but she said she was sure i would be preggo by then.

I just feel so drained from it all. When i got a BFN one month my partner cried and it made me realise how much we wants it too and i juust feel like i am letting him down.

I just find it hard to stay upbeat with all the women at work getting pregnant (17 girls in 2 and a half years!!) its is honestly ridiculous.

I am lucky to have two gorgeous nieces i just wish i could give them a cousin xx

 

[Rebecca27]

Well this is month 14 and my doctor promised to test me after this month. My partner and i have been saying August is our month and i have everything crossed that it is. if not i will be going to the doctors!!

Problem is we havent told anyone about trying - no need for added presure. But i feel guilty having tests without my Mum knowing i feel dishonest and also i know she would be upset that she wasnt there to support me. it makes me not know what to do x

 

[LouiseB]

I know some people think that it's better to keep quiet because of all the added pressure and possibly people asking why there isn't a baby yet - but i find being open about everything with my family and friends such a huge relief.

I don't believe that other people can possibly add any more pressure - any pressure comes from ourselves and our husbands and if someone says something inconsiderate, i tell them how hurtful what they just said was and make them bad haha

Sure maybe not tell people at work, but people you trust can offer way more support than anything else. If you would like your mum's support, you really should tell her.

She might tell you she had the exact same thing until she tried x,y and z and bam you're pregnant

 

[Rebecca27]

frustrating thing is i know my mum has all us three first time of trying and my sister had her two first months also!!
Maybe you're right, talking to my mum may be the best bet.
Being on here has helped - feel like a weight has been lifted, just hope we can all talk pregancy and birth stories soon! xx

 

[smess26]

oh hun!!!!! i wanna send you a big hug!!!!!how are you doing?
have you seen doctor yet?

i hadnt told anyone i was ttc yet when i fell i stupidly told close friends only to tell them again in 2 weeks that iw asnt we had told them i was ttc and now every month i get soooooooooooooooo???
it was nice yet the expection of my friends and family now is a added pressure!!
It may help to tell your mum have someone on hand totalk to speak to!

Good luck hun and sending a huge hug!!! xxx

 

[Rebecca27]

Thanks smess26 for that lovely message.
I am just hoping i cant thell them all i am pregnant soon etc.
Its nice to know i am not alone and not the only one that gets down etc.
Had my niece this morning - perfect chance to walk round mothercare!!
Fingers crossed for us xx

 

[clem]

Hi Rebecca. I hear you, we've been trying for nearly 2 years, our doctor wont test us til it's been 2 years, which is September for us. Some months it really does get too much. When your hormones are running high at that time of the month anyway and then AF arrives, I often end up crying in the bathroom.

Telling my mum was the worst thing I did. She is desperate to be a grandmother and rings up all the time with incredibly annoying advice. She goes on the internet and prints out articles for me. It makes it ten times harder to have to keep telling her as well every month.

It has also made the relationship between her and my husband really strained. She is convinced it is his count that is low because he drinks a lot (he works in the wine trade so it's impossible not to) and she makes comments about his drinking and his weight and it's getting harder to cope with.

On the plus side she does want to pay for Acupuncture if the tests come back saying nothing is wrong. We have a specialist here in Bristol who costs £60 a session, which I certainly couldnt afford, and who apparently has a 60% success rate!! That's extremely high in my opinion and so I will definitely be taking her up on that.

In the meantime I have to believe that this will be our month. As long as we put in a good effort, then there is hope. And at least when all my hopes get dashed again at the end of the month I will know that it's not long til we can get the tests done and start down a new path if we have to.

Keep your chin up, there will be down moments. I find chatting on here helps enormously. Everyone here is in the same boat and going through the same stuff and that's much better than talking to someone whos already had kids and forgotten how hard it was, or someone who did it easily and cant appreciate what your going through. There are some lovely people here and someone will always reply even if they cant help, so you never feel alone with it. xxxx

 

[toni64539]

Well said clem, some pearls there. I would definately say not to tell many people, it would of been a huge mistake for me now that it's taken over six months. I would not be able to handle people asking every month if in preggers. Also if I was preggo I wouldn't want anyone to know till twelve weeks so as soon as I'd stop drinking everyone would instantly know, whereas now I can get away with saying I'm driving or detoxing and no one really thinks anything of it. Just ease up the pressure u put on yourselves and don't add to it by worrying about telling everyone else and their mothers that it's not happened yet. Just my opinion, not critisizing anyone who tells people. All the best

 

[hayley25]

Hi,

I am in the same position as you-we have been ttc for 15months. i went to my docs and they said they couldnt do anything till 12 months-which made me angry as i have fertility complications from a illness-so i waited till 12months and went back. They then offered me some blood tests for me and a sperm test for my OH. they also told me to relax!!ha, easier said than done!! so after my results we go back and i am now offered a 21 day blood test and a referral as its now been 15months (referrals dont normally happen till 18months but coz of my past i get it early) but the referral will take 8wks to come through. Anyway, i am now getting referred to the birmingham trust as all my notes will be in one place, this will take 5 weeks. So, i am now happy that we are getting referred just have to wait for the app to come through! but, once you are referred they repeat all the tests that you have had done at the GP which take time...why the process takes soo long i dont know!! but, definitely get the ball rolling as soon as you can coz GPs are slow!!!!!!!!!
I hope this is your month but, if its not then it will be soon-we just need to have faith!! (thats how i get through each month!)
xx

 

[Rebecca27]

Thanks everyone, it is so nice to be able to chat and to have people reassure you.
The most frustrating thing is people saying "dont stress about it that makes it worse" how can you not? how can it not go through your mind everyday?!
I just really hope i will be a mum soon.
Everyone is so lovely on here - joining was the best decision i have made recently. i no longer feel alone! xx