He Finally Called it a Day (loooong story!)

[Dragonfly Fi]

i know many people with pretty crap fathers, not one of them wishes however, that they didnt know the man who fathered them. I am of the opinion that 90% of the time (the 10% covering the abusive nasty ones) it should actually be up to the child wether or not they wish to know the biological father, not on the whim of the mother, Frankly if you consider a man to be so unworthy of fathering your children, you should not be having sex with them, Denying a child its father is not a nice thing to do and far too much like 'playing god' for my liking.

 

[frankie707]

Sounds like you have got your head screwed on right. Make sure you keep any correspondence between the two of you about baby and try to get stuff esp about money down on paper/e-mail not just over the phone just in case you need to hold him to anything latter. enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

 

[Jayceesmumma]

i know many people with pretty crap fathers, not one of them wishes however, that they didnt know the man who fathered them. I am of the opinion that 90% of the time (the 10% covering the abusive nasty ones) it should actually be up to the child wether or not they wish to know the biological father, not on the whim of the mother, Frankly if you consider a man to be so unworthy of fathering your children, you should not be having sex with them, Denying a child its father is not a nice thing to do and far too much like 'playing god' for my liking.

Thats a bit harsh isnt it?? You cant know every situation.. noone can. but we can all be open minded.
Yes, children should have the option... when they are old enough to make that decision, thats not what i was saying was it?? This is a very personal issue to me and im really not happy with the way you have worded that! Not once did i say she should never let him see the kid, it was his decision not to see it. Better now than after its born and theyve bonded and the poor kid has the heartbreak of dad in and out of his life. If you cant see it from that side.. well.. i had to delete most of this message coz im p*ssed off and cant have the stress of narrow mindedness.

Ive been the child who suffered and the mother who had to make tough decisions. AND I DONT REGRET IT AS MY KIDS ARE GENUINELY HAPPIER. Everyones situation is different, I gave my comments as experience as someone who has witnessed a child be tortured by a deadbeat dad!

Your comment was not helpful just abusive towards me.
Im not gonna explain myself to anyone.

No matter what u say im not gonna reply, infact im going to unsubscribe myself from this thread because i cant deal with this right now!

Think before you speak next time.

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I'm very open minded, and i too have a crap dad who i decided (in my adult life) not to have around me because of his ability to be well un-hinged in front of my child. Still i am glad that was my decision and my choice and that no-one made it for me.

I think too many dads get a rough ride in all fairness and despite personal circumstances, its always optimum for the child to at least know where they have come from, even if its tough and hard... I know a few folk who don't have a clue about their dads and it really, really pains them. If a bloke isn't crazy/abusive/a total wrongun, then best thing is for there to be SOME contact...

 

[suzzi]

hi sorry for you situation it must be awful x x so lots of love x x and hugs x x

if he is to support you financially work out on the csa calculater what he should pay you and tell him thats what you need. i know they cant help with him being american but at least you can use it to help you work out what your entittled to and its a fair ish system.

Good luck with everything x x x remember you have the best thing in the world coming your way and its his loss!!

 

[Amyrose]

god hun so sorry to hear your upset. I was in a similar situation to you my fella was living in another country and i was pregnant he always said he would move to ireland once the baby was born and was working away to get money (he was a marine engineer) i always thought he had someone else so i decided to do some fishing. I was 8 months pregnant when i found out he had a wife we were together 3 years at this stage. he was in the process of divorce when i found out but he had also been having an affair with me on her and i never knew. I felt so hurt and alone. I know how your feeling hun and if you want to chat im here. I did work things out with him and i also moved to the uk to be with him he changed jobs and we are very happy now. chin up you never know what the future will hold for you xxxx