Boyfriend left me 19wks pregnant

[NinjaKitty]

Has he given any excuses for being such a knob in the first place? Just curious

You are doing the right thing putting you and your LOs first. Only time will tell if he manages to stop being a complete NS.

 

[BabyBrain]

There's a Jewish proverb that says...."God cannot be everywhere so he made Mothers".....no mention of men, there's no better recommendation than that!!!!!!

GO TEAM MUMMY!!!!!!!!

 

[FUNMUM]

Yep he said he got really freaked out and scared about providing for 4 children and questioned whether he could do it or not. I told him this is a completely natural feeling but he handled it in the worst way he ever could have done! It's gona take time and work to get through everything but if we can I know we'll be stronger than we ever were before! I will never ever give myself fully to man again though xxxx

 

[poppypd]

Hi Funmum
firstly I'm so sorry that you're going through this emotional time. I think your idea of moving back to be near your family is a great one. I know my family(well mum mainly) are going to be such a help and they are just 3 min drive away! And yes if he is willing to be a real dad then he will come after you. If he had just had a wobble then I guess it wouldn't be as bad as him meeting someone else! I don't think I'd ever forgive it but as it's not happened to me and i'm not you so I can't judge your situation.
We can never know what will happen in our future. Example my friend who has 2 children with her husband and they moved to Singapore for his job (he travels round asia) well a month or so ago he told her he wanted a divorce, she was shocked and so upset. He wants her to move back to France (where she's from) with the kids and he wants to stay in Singapore. Now baring in mind this is an English chap who has 2 kids from his first marriage in England who obviously never see him already! And now he's doing the same! He seemed so in love with her at the wedding but he has told her there is someone else! She has moved back to France as of yesterday and her family are going to get her through it.
Emotional intelligence is something men are not very equipped with, they do not think through their actions with regard to what the emotional effect it will have on someone else. In this, the most important time to step up as a man, they really show what they are made of I think! I really hope that yours will only make the one mistake and never ever do it again!

Keep us posted, and I wish you all the strength in the world, but please do make him fight for you. xxxxxxx

 

[FUNMUM]

Hi guys, thank you all once again for all your advise, it really has helped me through my darkest days. I really need some more help though

Since my last post he has been intouch everyday..phones almost everyday and texts me 5/6 times a day. He wants us to move forward from this mess. I told him I don't trust or believe him and he asked for a chance to prove it. He is trying to get time of work next week so that we can meet up next week for a couple of days, we are gona try to make it fun (out for dinner, shopping for baby etc). My problem is I really dont know how to handle the situation!! I want us to be together and for him to move here to be with us but I just feel like it's all so out of my control. He keeps telling me to be positive and that we are going to be a family.

I think I'm getting scared because we are not really sharing proper feelings yet, like saying a love you or that we smile when we think of each other etc. He says he misses me and that he is thinking of me, calls me babe, honey and gorgeous. Ive told him I miss him and we've sent flirting texts to each other. Are we both holding back our feelings? is this a good thing and will we just get it back when we're ready? Everyone keeps saying just take small steps...but Im rubbish at small steps cos I want it all sorted out right now lol xxxxx

 

[reillybaby1987]

Only you can really decide what is best for you, your kids and your unborn baby but I wish you all the luck in the world hunni I really do xxxx

 

[So_hopeful81]

What has happened to the other person FunMum? Xxx

 

[FUNMUM]

That's a good question, they are not together and they never were. But he works with her so he will definately still be seeing her. He phones and texts me on his breaks at work something he didnt do the weeks leading up to us breaking up. Ive told him that we can never actually be in a relationship until he moves here and he knows that he has got to earn my trust back. I obviously do not trust him after what he has done!! But I have said that I will give him a chance. I feel like Im in a really difficult situation because I dont want to put in all this effort if he is still interested in her, but at the same time he has said he made a mistake and asked for a chance to prove it to me xxxx

 

[So_hopeful81]

Absolutely agree with you. He definately needs to move to you, before you can see how commited he is. That way he gets away from her too!

I have been in relationships before where my ex cheated on me, and I NEVER trusted him again, even though I desperately wanted it to work with him. It didn't work for me, because every time he looked even remotely like he was looking at another woman I went into panic mode... but thats me! Only you know how you will react to him. But I think one firm thing that you MUST stick to is that it is he who should move! That could have implications financially initially, but it is something he can do to prove to you that he is dedicated to you and your family!

xxx

 

[FUNMUM]

Hi Guys, Just wanted to give you all an update and thank you all again for being such a great support. I came back home 6 weeks ago to sort things out and we are back together. I have got the children in a school near my mums so we are moving in a few weeks and he is going to come as soon as he gets a job.

He is totally back to his normal self now, really supportive, affectionate, loving, caring, always kissing and touching the bump. I dont know what happened to him but he must have totally freaked out to do what he did.

Its been really tough and it still hurts like crazy when I think that he could do such a thing. I know we would be together even if we werent having a baby, because our feelings for each other are really strong...but that just makes what happened harder to except! He said he made a massive mistake and wishes he could take everything back, said he wasnt thinking straight. The awful girl that was involved has since broke up another relationship when my OH told her that there was absolutely no future for him and her she got with a guy that was in a relationship to obviously try and make him jealous.

Thank you everyone xxxxx

 

[FUNMUM]

I still think he's running scared! He's a tosspot for running straight into the arms of someone else, and she must be a super cow, but I still seriously think this is a fear reaction and he will come crawling back. From what you have said you have other kids to consider as well as the new baby and I personally recommend thinking about trying to work it out in time. He's made a huge mistake, but I think it is actually quite common for men to freak out and need to get away when the reality of pregnancy kicks in. Its just a knee jerk reaction and not necessarily a real end of relationship. But thats just my thought, and I would still make him suffer for ages before taking him back!!!

Do NOT get all needy and emotional when you see him! Be distant and cold and tell him that from here onwards your mum will be going to scans etc with you. After seeing the baby on a scan he will not want to miss the next one!

You were totally right star fish and he did come crawling back xxxxx

 

[mummy2b19]

So glad to hear your happy hun. xx

 

[pregpixie76]

dunno if its hormones but your story just made me realize how lucky i am that my oh is so excited that we are pregnant.my oldest kids dad hasnt seen them in years because his gf didnt like it even tho she had a kid of her own.but i dont blame her it was still his choice not to see them.ironically i found out i was preg not long after the csa payments started rolling in.( the universe has a twisted sense of humour.)
id say u are brave taking him bk and you are very forgiving, cause i sure as shit wouldnt and i dont blame the other women he was the one who cheated. she is just incredibly stupid.i hope u get your happy ending and he grows up and u can both repair your relationship and enjoy being a family unit again. much luck to u all xxx