having hard night :.(

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by tracey 2, Dec 28, 2007.

  1. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    im feeling so bad for having to post again its like i shouldnt be posting something new everytime but just had enough tonight i really have. :(

    steve is away and just need him we are much stronger now but still not totally together i just want to talk to him but cant get hold of him, iv been told to grow up and put this year behind me in more or less those words from my family and friends, aparently iv been going on a lot, well im sorry i wont talk about my girls then i said which made things worse. I know and i will try to put this yr behind me in 2008 but how can they tell me to stop talking about and thinking about my girls.

    its like everyone was over me when i was expecting and looking after me but now i cant remember the last time my mates just invited me out or even just came over its always just me that approaches them, i suppose this isnt upsetting me this much tonight its just so much stuff all built up :( :cry:

    i think xmas has hit me more than ever now and i cant stop the tears :cry: tonight and i dont think i want to stop the tears at the moment. :cry:

    The last few nights iv been having so many dreams some that i just cant remember or were blurry and others just bout my girls having more flash backs, not sleeping very much either which isnt helping neither are my anti depressents.

    I find it so hard to be honest and tell anyone exactly how im feeling like if someone says how are you im like yeah fine and some times i am but other times i want to cry and scream to say how much im hurting but i cant i dont want to put that pain on anyone else if you know what i mean.

    Finally then i promise i will stop going on, carrie-ann was born in jan last yr so it will have been a year since she went and also chloe was due in jan, so i wont be around that month on here much i think its going to be hard like a week apart, plus i also go back to work but may put this offf now for a bit.

    there iv re written history so time to calm down now i think.

    thank you for listening and i dont expect any replies thats just helped me :hug: :hug:
     
  2. Bagpuss17

    Bagpuss17 Well-Known Member

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  3. reallyoldmum

    reallyoldmum Well-Known Member

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    Oh Tracy huge :hug: :hug: :hug: for you - I know exactly what you mean about everyone thinking you should have moved on, I get that all the time from my family - even Dave seems to think I should forget the past 12 weeks and just look forward - to be honest I am even beginning to resent him so I know how you feel.

    I dont know what to say to make you feel better other than if you ever want to talk just PM me x x x x x I will never ever tell you to grow up promise x :hug:
     
  4. sarah113

    sarah113 Well-Known Member

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  5. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    oh, tracey! :hug: :hug: :hug:
    i cant believe your family are making you feel like you shouldnt be talking about your girls :(
    please dont feel like your "going on". i think talking about it will help you to heal, you should talk to your hearts content
    you are more than welcome to pm me if you want to talk and you feel like youve said enough on the public forum if it helps :hug:
    im sorry im a bit rubbish at soothing words and advice but im a good listener :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  6. Sally+Baby

    Sally+Baby Well-Known Member

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    Oh Tracey, I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better. :hug: But I do know how hard it is, and you can PM me or anything anytime you need to.
    Just wanted to give you these :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  7. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    thank you guys all for listening does help just writing it all down. :hug: :hug:

    trix- have PM you quickly hun
     
  8. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    I know exactly what you mean. There are loads of times I've wanted to be honest with people about what I've been through but I just can't put that kinda pain on anyone else. You keep it to yourself, but it makes it so hard to live sometimes...

    Please don't feel that you aren't allowed to talk about these things. Even if it is just writing them down on here... rather than talking to family and friends.

    You'll find many people just don't know how to broach the subject of your daughters... that the idea of what happened to you makes them uncomfortable and it's easier for them to block it out rather than say these scary things out loud... but its not what they want or need... it's about you. And you need it, you need to say these things out loud...

    People who have never lost anyone close to them, never understand that it doesn't matter how many days, weeks, months, years pass... the pain will always remain.. the people we have lost will always be part of our life, and to forget about them, put it to the back of our mind would be the greatest crime of all.

    Tracy, don't stop talking about your daughters, don't forget them... they will always be part of you :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  9. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    thank you squiglet, that makes so much sense to me hun it makes it so clear to me, i will never forget my girls but i know its hard for others no one knows what to say or to do and to be honest iv said so many times that even a hug just helps sometimes.

    thank you :hug: :hug:
     
  10. happy-chick

    happy-chick Well-Known Member

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    I really have no words that can make u feel better or take away ur pain but I just want you to know that im thinking of you & sending my thoughts your way hun. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  11. puppylove

    puppylove Well-Known Member

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  12. rach

    rach Well-Known Member

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    squiglet said it all hun sending you massive hugs :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
    keep talking about your beautiful daughters they are and forever will be a part of your family dont let anyone make you feel like its wrong to talk about them it would be wrong not to talk about them :hug:
    always here for you xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  13. Steelgoddess

    Steelgoddess Well-Known Member

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    Tracey please please do not feel bad about talking about your loss, i highly doubt anyone minds you discussing it and want you to know that although its hard and painful, it is better to talk about it...

    It is going to take time, I still get very down at times about my mc and sometimes you just find yourself going over it in your head, hve you thought about seeing someone to discuss your feelings hon?

    xxx
     
  14. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    sharne- thank you i am seeing someone at the moment once a week, havent been for last 2 weeks what with xmas and other things but going back after new year i dont even know if its helping maybe its too soon but i just dont feel any different :hug: :hug:
     

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