im feeling so bad for having to post again its like i shouldnt be posting something new everytime but just had enough tonight i really have. 
steve is away and just need him we are much stronger now but still not totally together i just want to talk to him but cant get hold of him, iv been told to grow up and put this year behind me in more or less those words from my family and friends, aparently iv been going on a lot, well im sorry i wont talk about my girls then i said which made things worse. I know and i will try to put this yr behind me in 2008 but how can they tell me to stop talking about and thinking about my girls.
its like everyone was over me when i was expecting and looking after me but now i cant remember the last time my mates just invited me out or even just came over its always just me that approaches them, i suppose this isnt upsetting me this much tonight its just so much stuff all built up 
i think xmas has hit me more than ever now and i cant stop the tears tonight and i dont think i want to stop the tears at the moment.
The last few nights iv been having so many dreams some that i just cant remember or were blurry and others just bout my girls having more flash backs, not sleeping very much either which isnt helping neither are my anti depressents.
I find it so hard to be honest and tell anyone exactly how im feeling like if someone says how are you im like yeah fine and some times i am but other times i want to cry and scream to say how much im hurting but i cant i dont want to put that pain on anyone else if you know what i mean.
Finally then i promise i will stop going on, carrie-ann was born in jan last yr so it will have been a year since she went and also chloe was due in jan, so i wont be around that month on here much i think its going to be hard like a week apart, plus i also go back to work but may put this offf now for a bit.
there iv re written history so time to calm down now i think.
thank you for listening and i dont expect any replies thats just helped me
steve is away and just need him we are much stronger now but still not totally together i just want to talk to him but cant get hold of him, iv been told to grow up and put this year behind me in more or less those words from my family and friends, aparently iv been going on a lot, well im sorry i wont talk about my girls then i said which made things worse. I know and i will try to put this yr behind me in 2008 but how can they tell me to stop talking about and thinking about my girls.
its like everyone was over me when i was expecting and looking after me but now i cant remember the last time my mates just invited me out or even just came over its always just me that approaches them, i suppose this isnt upsetting me this much tonight its just so much stuff all built up
i think xmas has hit me more than ever now and i cant stop the tears
tonight and i dont think i want to stop the tears at the moment. The last few nights iv been having so many dreams some that i just cant remember or were blurry and others just bout my girls having more flash backs, not sleeping very much either which isnt helping neither are my anti depressents.
I find it so hard to be honest and tell anyone exactly how im feeling like if someone says how are you im like yeah fine and some times i am but other times i want to cry and scream to say how much im hurting but i cant i dont want to put that pain on anyone else if you know what i mean.
Finally then i promise i will stop going on, carrie-ann was born in jan last yr so it will have been a year since she went and also chloe was due in jan, so i wont be around that month on here much i think its going to be hard like a week apart, plus i also go back to work but may put this offf now for a bit.
there iv re written history so time to calm down now i think.
thank you for listening and i dont expect any replies thats just helped me
