Hard :(

[Beth88]

Hey again,

I FINALLY stopped bleeding last week, i think it was only becuase i started taking the pill though coz i just couldnt deal with it anymore.. i miscarried on 6th June (that was when i had the tablet thingy) so thats 6 weeks tomorrow. Sigh.
The pregnancy tests i KEEP doing because im silly are still coming back positive.. Its really getting me down.

I cant believe im actually gonna write this - but... i really want a baby.. As most of the people who have followed my posts on here will know, the pregnancy was a COMPLETE mistake.. i was on the pill etc, and it was really unexpected because i was never silly with it or missed one or sickness etc. But yeah, me & my OH have now split up, we were together for over a year, we were really good together - but since i lost the baby i havent felt close to him. im not upset as such, i was at first obviously, but the way Aaron just carried on as normal really hurt. He didnt want the baby and made it clear to me, and that upset me. But yes, we arent togetrher anymore and im glad we aren't. I'm getting on with my life, or so i thought iwas. but im really not. i desperately want a baby, its always on my mind..
what the hell can i do? and the really mad part about this, is that about 4 weeks ago i met a guy when i went out for the first time after miscarrying, and we got talking etc, and weve been seeing eachother ever snce - BUT, he's 28.. i'm only 20.. its mad, because normally i wouldnt go for this type of thing, like i would normally go for some loser who goes out drinking most nights and has no plans for the future either - but i cant help thinking that im going for this guy simply because he's set up and older, ie children. what do you think?

well im totally rambled my way though that lol... apologies..

 

[Flossy82]

have pm'd you beth -xxxx-

 

[mrs_metal]

Nothing can make you want a baby more than losing one hun

Maybe take it slow and easy with this guy, if your feelings for him are real or just for his situation then you'll soon know.

Keep yourself busy, the need for a baby won't go but in time, hopefully, you should be able to keep going easier until you know you're ready

 

[Beth88]

mrs metal - yeah i see what you mean, but when i was first seeing him i had no idea how old he was, he doesnt look 28, morel ike 24 or something, so i assumed he was just a student like me.. Argh..

I so wish i was in a stable relationship and about 2 years older than i am now, then i could so go for it and have another baby. I feel quite empty, and the horrible thing is that my baby cousin is 2 days ahead how far along i would be - ie, he is 13 weeks old on monday, so i would be 13 weeks pregnant the saturday 2 days before that.. not nice

 

[Becky]

Hi Beth,
Its so hard going through a loss the way you did, especially having to make the decision whether you wanted to carry on as it wasn't planned. I think you're doing so well, although you probably don't feel it.

When I miscarried all I wanted was to be PG again, it took nearly 5 months before I stopped wanting another baby so desperately. Unfortunately you can't change your circumstances so you just have to take each day as it comes. This relationship, although its early days sounds promising. Take it a step at a time and make sure that when you do try for a baby its with a man who will be a good father and a good partner to you.

Its horrible when people say to take your time and things will get better but it is true. And maybe some good will come from your loss, maybe this is the start of a new chapter in your life. But wait and see and try and enjoy what comes your way.

 

[Tasha20]

Poor you hun, im sorry x

 

[Anna23]

 

[dina.marie]

i know the feeling of wanting another baby after a loss can be really strong. i hope this guy is the right one for you but like you said are you just into him cuz he's older and set up? having said that im 21 and my OH is 28. i prefer being with an older guy even tho he;s really a big kid. ultimately age is just a number, but you want to make sure the guy is the right one. xxxx

 

[keelie_b]

Beth i cant offer you any advice, but i was with you in first tri and i followed your posts. you had it rough and my heart went to you.
I just want you to know i think about you often, there were a lot of sad losses at a similar time to yours and it was really awful but for some reason yours really affected me. Im very close with my mum and talk to her a lot. since your very first scare even she was asking how you were doing and was shocked to hear the tragic news. she doesnt even go on the site.
I was incredibly upset and wanted to help but theres nothing i can do.
Your incredibly strong and should recognise that in yourself. I hope you can use that strength to find happiness in your life. Your baby will always be a part of you and you know that.
I remember reading about your other halfs reaction and feeling really angry for you but admired that you stood up and had the confidence to go through with it yourself.
Not everyone would do that, you are a strong person. i know everyones said it but the right time wil come a long, with the right person and it will make all the difference.

To be honest im not sure what im trying to say here. but i carried your story with me and wanted you to know that i admire the person that you are. I hope you can recognise your own strength and achievement.

Im sorry if i upset you or said anything that you sooner me not.

I wish you all the happiness in the world you deserve it!

Keelie xx

 

[Beth88]

Oh thank you so much girls... All of your comments are lovely.. And i know that one day i will feel a lot better about this, but i wish that day would hurry up.. I think it made it worse that i had all the complications early on in the pregnancy, bbecause then it wasn't just the two lines on the test, it was on the ultra sounds that i had, i had about 4, and it was in the results of my HCG levels that i had done every 48 hours during the week.. I went through so much for it, and then when i was finally happy with it, and convinced that nothing would go wrong now, it did.

I don't talk to Aaron anymore, infact i cant stand the sight of him anymore. My parents were furious with him, as they were on holiday in Gran Canaria when i was in hospital with the suspected ectopic.. They know the whole story, and they cant believe what a coward he was etc. He wouldnt even tell his parents.

This new guy im still seeing is lovely. But oh my god i dont think my parents would be too pleased about the age difference.. its like 8 and a hald years between us. Although ive said that maybe it is his situation that makes me more sttracted to him, im not sure if thats strictly true. I didnht knnow he wasnt a student for a short while, yet i tthought he was great and we were always talking etc.. Hm i just dont know.

Thank you so much for all your supprt

 

[lea m]

Hey Beth my OH is 16 years older than me! Age is nothing but a number hun! If he makes you happy then it really doesnt matter what your parents think!
I wanted to give you lots of these too!

 

[Beth88]

Really Lea? wow... i guess it doesnt really matter, but i can still imagine my parents flipping... maybe because im only 20.. hmm.. Thanks Lea

 

[Tasha20]

My Oh is 28 and im 22 6 years older than me, I dont think 8 is that much more.

 

[rach]

age is nothing hun im 9 years older than gareth as long as your happy thats all that matters sending you loads of hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Beth ive read your post and its breaking my heart!

As for wanting a baby hunni, your going to want one now - the maternal instinct will be stronger then ever and I was exactly the same after i lost my baby.

As for the guy, age is nothing my husband is 11 years older then me and ive never regretted marrying a man older - hes a fantatstic father and husband and i guess when i got with him i was looking for someone too look after me and have children with. Turned out he was perfect, and life got even better when i got pregnant with my first child, wed only been together 4 months

If this man is the right one for you, youl soon know. Age is nothing though.

 

[Beth88]

Wow i didnt realise age gaps like that were so normal!!! I think im judging it by when i was 15, and i was seeing someone who was 18, and my parents FLIPPED.. but i suppose i was a baby myself then...

Thank you so much for all your kind comments, it makes me so happy that there is so much supprt here... I saw that guy again lastnight, and you really wouldnt think he was 28... he acts younger than me lol, but we get on SO well... argh.. he even brought up the subject of kids lastnight Very shocked... he wasnt suggesting anything obviously, but it was pretty mad that he's even thinking of it. but i guess i would be too if i had done everything and was 28 i'd be ready to settle myself down.. hmmm..

 

[Becky]

Beth, the older you get the less age really matters. I think your parents will be fine, I mean if you went home and said you were planning on getting married or something equally serious with this bloke then I think they'd be a bit worried but so long as you take your time as you would any other relationship they'll be ok.

I think when it comes to wanting a baby the feeling is so strong after a loss, but it really is worth waiting until you're in a good stable situation where you won't have to "make do". You want to be able to dedicate your time to your degree and then when you're finished you can dedicate your time to a baby.

 

[Beth88]

Your right Becky, it is less important as I get older.. And theres no chance of me jumping into bed with anyone quite so soon!!! haha... but still, this guy seems amazing and we're getting on super well and spending loads of time together.. So hopefully things will be ok.

The feeling of wanting a baby is totally not going anywhere, sigh.. i'm still thinking about it 24/7, and i hate that its always on my mind