Gutted - one of my best friends is pregnant.........

[Katkin72]

I was really looking forward to going out last to my friend's house - we were going to have a boozy night of pole dancing and a takeaway and I thought it was just what I needed to take my mind off TTC. My friend started TTC on Xmas day and we have been talking about our journeys and frustrations and supporting each other. I have been feeling pretty crap about still not getting pregnant and thought it would help being with someone who understood how I feel.

Well, we arrived at our friend's house and she announced that she has just found out she is 7 weeks pregnant. My heart nearly stopped - it took all my strength not to burst into tears and run into the loo. Don't get me wrong, I am soooo happy for her and I know she will make an amazing mum but i was gutted. Sorry if that makes me sound selfish. I have read other peoples threads here about how they have felt when their friends have got pregnant before them and I always thought I would be different. I never though in a million years I would be so upset and devastated

The whole evening she sat talking to our other 2 friends about pregnancy and having babies (one of them already has a son and the other has 2 children). I had to stop myself from crying. As my friend, who just announced she is pregnant, was giving me a lift home I couldn't even leave early. When I got home my husband was waiting up to ask me if I had had a good night and I wasn't going to tell him but it all came pouring out. I feel soooooo miserable............
Sorry for the rant ladies, being so selfish and for feeling Sorry for myself. Xx

 

[Poppy1987]

Big hugs hun. I know my sil and friend are ttc but I havnt had someone close tell me they are pregnant and I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you. Hope your ok x

 

[Katkin72]

My friend has just posted on Facebook that she had a lovely night - cant even bring myself to post a reply

 

[Dawnt87]

My friend and i were both ttc from Xmas too, she fell pg first go and here i am 8dpo (ignore my ticker) on cycle 5. totally know how u feel. Every week she posts on facebook - week 22 and it breaks my heart.

 

[Belfast girl]

i haven't told anyone that we are ttc for that reason. one of my good friends that was pregnant at the same time as me the first time is 4 months pregnant now and we are just starting to ttc, i did actually tell her that i was a little bit jealous!
felt better after i admitted it to her, lots of baby dust to you!
i don't know if i would cope if anyone else said that they were pregnant!

 

[laurat]

Ive been through this quite a few times now, particularly as Im lttc. My friends are now on to their second. It is conpletely natural to feel the way you do. You are happy as anything for your friend its just you are sad for yourself. It just changes the dynamic of the night etc. Dont be too hard on yourself.

 

[Katkin72]

Thanks for understanding guys

Dawn - I'm dreading my friend posting her updates on Facebook. She hasn't gone public yet as she's only 7 weeks but I know once people know she will be putting regular updates on there. I think I will have to just ignore them

 

[lisey27]

Hiya,

please dont be too hard on yourself, we have all felt like this. I think it is totally natural. My friend got pregnant just weeks after my miscarriage. At first it ripped my heart out, seeing scan pics and seeing updates but it gets easier-she is due any day and I can't wait.
You have only just found out so the feelings and emotions are raw, you are not selfish at all xx

 

[Katkin72]

Thanks Lisey - so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, it must have been so hard for you to find out your friend was pregnant. Hugs xxx

 

[Babybushie28]

Hi katkin,

Just want to give you a virtual hug!! Don't be so hard on yourself hun, what your feeling is so natural, I think I would have felt the same if I was in your position.

My bf has also just started ttc (I'm on cycle 9) and we talk about it openly which is great but I dread the day she tells me she's preggers, Im scared that I'll just burst into tears

It's normal to feel this way, I'm sure as time goes on you'll begin to feel happy for her and you'll be just as excited too

Xxxx

 

[Iwant3]

Been there! it makes you feel so bad for reacting the way you do - but it's so hard not too and is completely natural...

It only got easier for me once I had my bfp too

 

[Titch85]

Don't worry I've felt like this too! I was at a wedding yesterday and one of our friends was there with her 4 week old baby girl. I was worried about seeing them as we've not seen them since they announced the pregnancy. But it was actually fine. I bought them a little gift and was even asked to feed babba.

 

[Katkin72]

Thank you ladies - its all I can think of today and I just want to cry I hope it gets easier. OH is trying to cheer me up but it's not working. Now I feel even worse as my mood is affecting him too......

 

[crazycatlady]

Big hugs to you - this is so hard and I realise that. My bf had baby at xmas, and i never felt jealous because they had been ttc for 5 years. But before that in nov another close friend told me she was pg, that totally threw me, at the time oh wasn't ready to ttc and I had a melt down about 2 days later.

I have sort of told her how it made me feel but she gets it anyway, I have had a few difficult nights with both friends swapping baby and pregnancy stories - and there's me with nothing to contribute.

Your friend must be very caught up in the excitement of it - because if you've been sharing your journeys then surely she must have thought about how you'd feel.

My advice is that if this is a bf who you can't imagine being without then you have to tell her, explain how happy you are and that it's wonderful for her, but make her aware that you might be avoiding nights in if all that will be talked about is babies.
xx

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi hun,

It seems a little insensitive of your friend to spend the whole night talking about pregnancy and babies knowing your situation??

I think you have every right to feel a bit annoyed.

Personally I only talk about my pregnancy when asked, especially if I am seeing friends without kids (non of whom are actively TTC but still)

It's all about being considerate and tactful, I was over the moon when I had my scans and knew this was a sticky bean BUT that is something I have kept between me and my OH!

If it continues then please do mention it!

Some people don't even realise they are doing it??

xxxxxxxxx

 

[MrsDraven]

I know how you feel hon, it's horrible. Ever since having an MC with my husband last year we've been struggling to get pregnant again and my sister is now in her last few weeks of pregnancy which her and the family have delighted in constantly talking about. Admittedly my family don't know about my mc but it's so frustrating. *Hugs* Maybe have a talk with her, let her know you're happy for her but remind her that you're still trying. Maybe she'll tone it down if she realizes you're upset.

 

[mummywanabe]

I can imagine it was hard for your friend to not talk about it, hopefully it will happen for you soon I'm the only one of my married friends who hasn't got pregnant yet, if I hear...you'll be next I Think ill scream, I'm now trying to put it down to it'll happen all on good time but I wish I could listen to my own advice everytime af comes I'm so disappointed

 

[Ann30]

Ah Hun, I totally know where u r coming from- me and my best friend started ttc at the same time 10 months ago and a couple of months ago she came round to tell me she was pregnant- I was really happy for her but that evening was so hard I had a constant lump in my throat from tryin not to burst out crying and my face ached from the forced smile that was on my face. The whole of the next day I felt so down but picked myself up as I always do and got on with things. Any way, last Monday she had her scan and it turns out she's having twins! I couldnt help feeling how come she gets two when I can't even have one!! That was a week ago and I can honestly say I'm totally fine now- u will get over it it's perfectly natural to feel like that and doesn't make u a bad person. Allow urself to feel shit and get it all out then u will pick ur self up. A good friend gave me some excellent advice and said "do one thing every day that makes u happy" and that's how I'm tryin to live my life now. Be kind to urself and it will be ok xxxxx

 

[Katkin72]

Thanks again ladies for you virtual hugs and support - it means a lot to me.

Mummywannabe, I agree it would have been very hard for my friend to not talk about her pregnancy as she has only just found out and naturally is very excited/scared. I really am very happy for her and wouldn't ever want her to not talk about it, even if it does upset me. I would hate to ruin her happiness with my selfish jealousy. She knows how much I want a baby and would be really upset if she knew how much her news has affected me. Guess I'll have to just smile through it and cry when I am on my own.

 

[Katkin72]

I've kept myself busy today painting the skirting boards and door frames to take my mind off things, it's helped a little and I'm feeling happier this evening.