God what a nightmare!

[xxsammyxx]

We are in Holland this week as OH has job interviews in his home country and we are staying with his parents. Thankfully we were in Amsterdam for two days but now we are back at his parents house. His sister, her fiance (they get married next week - another reason to be here) and their two kids (one of whom is 12 weeks old) are on their way over to visit/check me out, whatever, as i have never met them. I'm dreading it. She is 25, popped 2 kids out in the 18 months that OH and I have been together and is now planning a third one! She will probably have had 3 kids in all the time we have been together soon. She once sent me an email congratulating us on OUR pregnancy and asking if i wanted a boy/girl etc. I am not even pregnant so i dont know where the hell she got that idea from!!! I think she knows we are TTC but im not sure and i just cant face her bringing the baby over.... everyone cooing over it, the little one running around me. I wouldnt mind if it was anyone else, im not a jealous person but she seems to have it all on a plate. Shes only been with the guy 2 years but ages ago OH's dad bought them a 200k house, paid for their wedding outright, does everything for them and meanwhile we have nothing. I sold my house in the UK and we are renting as we dont even know what country we will be living in next. Work is sparse around Spain and OH and I are inbetween jobs (hence probably relocating) whereas they both have good jobs (she is in the police force and he is a sales rep). They get hand outs from OH's dad here there and everywhere and have everything. He doesnt offer us a penny, though we probably wouldnt accept it, it would be nice to at least offer during a more difficult time. I am absolutely dreading them coming over. Ive tried to get OH to make up some excuses so at least i dont have to see them until the wedding next week but he won't and says he warned me this would happen and i should not have come if this was going to be the case. Nice! We have now had a big row and its going to be hard to cover this up as im absolutely fuming. This has been a continuation of last night when i was too tired to go out so he left me here alone sat upstairs in the bedroom and went out over his mates house. He turned up at silly-o-clock, blind drunk and proceeded in walking in the bedroom talking loudly on the phone to one of his mates!!!! I mean for god sake, he had been out all night talking to him, but noooo he had to come and wake me up in the middle of the morning. To top it all i did a pregnancy test this morning, i carried the small contained up to the spare room upstairs and dipped the test in, i accidently left the sample on the shelf and i didnt think his mum would come upstairs since it was the spare room BUT she did and there in full view was the sample and pregnancy test wrapper. Flipping GREAT!!!

 

[skairdykat]

Aw hun sounds like your having a rough time of it

Our neighbours across the street got PG a couple of months after I came off the pill by 'accident' i.e using the withdrawl method and that baby is now almost a year old and we're still here trying .
It's really hard isn't it? I hate seeing babies (sorry that sounds awful) another neighbour as had a baby recenlty too and I've not even seen him yet, just can't face it.
Then there my stepdaughter who's only 17 and around 24wks gone, and drinking heavily always fighting with her on/off fella. And the other week told Rob's dad the only reason she got PG was to get a house . We don't see her very often because she is such a cow.

Anyhow I hijacked your thread then sorry

What was the HPT result btw?

 

[xxsammyxx]

Hi, its really difficult. After 18 months i just feel like giving up. The test was BFN... NO FECKING SURPRISE THERE THEN!!! I just feel so depressed as i thought that i might be pregnant this month. It sounds like the family have arrived downstairs.... great. I have told OH how i feel and im sitting here in tears. I said i couldnt bear meeting her right now, that at the wedding at least we can blend in and dont have to make direct contact. Ive already had the Spanish inquisition from his parents. His mum has already pissed me off when i mentioned that my mum at 60 had just started to collect her pension and she said "oh you have an OLD mum then?" She is not bloody OLD. She had me at 23 and im 36!!! When asked if i had any brothers and sisters and i said no, his dad said that OH's mum was an only child and they are all SPOILT children! I said, "yeah well i wasnt, i paid for my own driving lessons, my first car and i have worked all my life. I bought my own house and paid my own bills ALONE since DD's father left us. My parents have never gave me handouts and i have never asked either". He ought to look at his daughter if he wants the defination of SPOILT and receiving handouts!!! OH has said his mates have just text to ask if we want to watch some volleyball game. Yeah thats going to look fantastic us both sneaking off through the back door without even an "hello" and if we do say hello we will never be able to leave! I feel so sad and trapped.

 

[A&J]

awww I feel for you, How long till you go home?

At least you have the internet so that you can come on here to let it all out and to get lots of hugs

 

[xxsammyxx]

Hi there, we have another week to go The whole family is downstairs and im up here alone. I know they dont understand that we are TTC (well his mum and dad dont know, maybe his sister suspects) and they probably thing im really ignorant, perhaps i am. But i dont mean to be and im fighting the tears as i type this. OH is downstairs but i cant blame him it would look even worse if he didnt go downstairs as well. I can hear the eldest running around and his sister runnig after him playing and im sure the baby is being passed round like a parcel. OH is finding it hard as well but its his sister so he has to put up with it. They must think i just dont want to meet them, being ignorant etc. Its not the case but OH can hardly tell them i will probably break down crying if i go downstairs as it looks pathetic. They will be here for hours so it looks like im going to be here for a while and i cant very well wander downstairs just after they have left as it looks too obvious. I feel like some sort of prisoner! Thank god i can talk to you girls, at least you all understand...

 

[Anna23]

oh hun i feel for you

 

[LittleLambe]

Aahh Sammy, I can't bare to think of you trapped in that room all alone, I'm nearly in tears.... Sod the stupid wedding, get yourself on a plane to the UK & come and stay with me for the week

 

[xxsammyxx]

Ahh your so kind.... i wish i could get on a plane! I darent even go downstairs to the loo in case they see me (i look a mess cos ive been crying and my hair is all over the place!) so ive not even been to the toilet since 2pm. I just want his sister and parents to sod off home/to bed so i can at least come out. OH feels awful which maks me feel worse. He feels he cant even provide me with a baby and ive told him its not his fault. He said i should leave him and find someone else who can... now i feel guilty and even sadder

 

[A&J]

Really want to give you some more

Is there no-one else that you know near by that you could go and see? Is there any women on here that live in Holland You could arrange a PF meet

Hope you are ok,

 

[xxsammyxx]

Awww thanks A&J and everyone. I will be ok, i dont know anyone here as we are just here for the 10 days hopefully. OH has told the family im sick. Well i have a banging headache now so i guess i am I suppose its the same every month dealing with the let down of another failed TTC month, that maybe next month will be different. Except it never is. A few months TTC have increased to a year and a half and might increase to 2/3/4 years, who knows. I cant believe it as i conceived DD 2nd month of coming off the pill, I just dont think its going to happen personally.

 

[A&J]

I know how you are feeling we have been TTC for 16 months now and I too think that it will never happen but I know deep down that it will happen one day when we are least expecting it.

It is not over until the witch turns up so there is still a chance.

 

[xxsammyxx]

Things are going from bad to worse... we have "upgraded" from our two single mattresses on the spare room floor to.... his 19 year old brothers bedroom who we have swapped with. The sheets are filthy (although OH said his mum changed them earlier - what a load of crap!) and its mosquito infested. Nice. I am now spending the night with a can of hairspray trying to fend them off. Meanwhile, earlier we watched a DVD which was ok and then when it finished OH put another one on. It wasnt something I particularly like but of course when i mentioned this he flew off the handle and went and slept in the other spare room on the floor (with no bedding at all) I just want to go home. Im hating this trip now and i feel really upset and depressed. It seems ever since we arrived on his home turf I have not been able to have an opinion. If i dont say i like something i am accused of being awkward/difficult etc. Things are just not going well. I wish so much i could get on a flight tomorrow and go home. I regret ever coming here now, though OH warned me (he didnt mention we didnt even have a bed to sleep in!!!) Im probaby the most uphappiest ive been for a long time

 

[Jade89]

Sammy i pmed you.

Sorry your goin through all this s*** and for ten days too Hope it gets better for you

 

[Anna23]

oh hun i hope it gets better for you

 

[rusks]

aww hunny i am so sorry sounds like you are going through hell and you are so down wanted to say am thinking of you and sending you loads of hugs

 

[xxsammyxx]

God im mortified.... i have spent all day in the bedroom cos i just cant face going downstairs being stuck in with his mum all day as she is driving me mental. OH has just come home and said that he now has to stay here until the end of the week maybe, maybe even longer!!!! I have been here 2 weeks now, i was under the impression OH was just going to do his scheduled interviews and then we could go home after a week but he didnt get the jobs and now we have to stay. I am about to miss an important doctors appointment on Wednesday and another appointment Thursday, my daughter has to start back school etc. The only other option is for me to fly back alone (fecking great after all the air scares recently!) There is nobody to pick me up from ther airport when i get there and we live 30 mins from the airport and even when i get home i have no transport as my car is in the garage (i damaged it underneath badly before we came and the stupid insurance company took 2.5 weeks for an assessor to come out so its not fixed) I am in tears and really really pissed off. This was a HUGE mistake and if i knew i was going to be stuck here until OH got a job i would never have came. Sorry for the rant but i just dont have anyone else to turn to....

 

[ejjie]

Christ Sammy I don't know what to say sounds like you're going through hell there. Haven't you got anybody back home that can help you out for a bit? Pick you up from the airport and get you to the docs? How long do you think it will be?

Does your OH looking for a job over there mean that you are moving when he gets one?

xxx

 

[A&J]

I have no idea what to say I really feel for you sounds awful. Sending you more

 

[xxsammyxx]

I cant stay here any longer its making me really depressed. As there is no work in Spain we had come to the conclusion that we would have to move to Holland as OH can work here.... but after being here for 2 weeks i just cant face it. I cant face taking DD away from my family and her friends, school, life as i have already done that once moving her from the UK. She never wanted to move to Spain and its taken her a good year and a half to properly settle in and now i have to disrupt her again and i just cant do it. OH has to live and work in Holland and so we have spoken about it tonight and there is no option but to split up. Im devasted and he is to but there isnt another option

 

[xxsammyxx]

At 5.30am this morning his dad opened the bedroom door and asked to speak to Allan, when he got back upstairs i asked what his dad wanted at this ridiculous time... basically it was the same old shite we have been having for months "you have to get a job, dont go back to Spain with her, i understand how she is finding it hard to adapt here but you have to stay and get a job WITH OR WITHOUT HER!!! I feel like killing him. He is such a nasty controlling freak. If Allan doesnt do what he says then he threatens to CUT HIM OFF from the inheritance (Allan normally doesnt listen) Its heartbreaking to think that a few days ago we were talking about getting married, obviously TTC etc etc and today its all over!!!