How am I supposed to be happy for him?

[gemmap27]

How am I supposed to be happy for him?

My partners sister has just had a baby - and I think I have coped quite well - she was very young and not working and is being supported by her parents - it wasnt planned. I had just got my head around all of this and was coping quite well - even having cuddles with the baby and I even bathed her (actually I was quite enjoying it and treating it as practice for when I finally manage to have a baby) When my partners mother (who works at the same company as me) tells me this morning that his messed up older brother is having another baby with his current girlfriend - I am really upset - I sure she could tell by my face. He already has 2 kids with 2 different women and - by his choice - has nothing to do with either kid, He is in financial trouble and a total F**K up.

WHY CANT IT BE US.....................

We have worked so hard to get out of debt and into a suitable financial situation to allow us to have a baby. We both have good jobs, our own house, and a really strong 8 year relationship. We want this more than anything and it feels like its happening to everyone except us.

I feel selfish and jealous - Just when I get my head around one new baby I have another to think about.

I want to be able to feel happy for people when they tell me they are going to be parents. Its so hard. It feels like its never going to happen for us

 

[libs]

I sat here for a while trying to decide how to answer. A couple of things came to mind.

For the last nine years I thought there was no chance of me ever having another child. During that time my sisters have had 4 pregnancies between them. Every time I cried after visiting them in hospital. I lost contact with friends as they had children (I had my first child years before any of my friends had children) because I couldn't stand being around them. I'd look at people with 2 or 3 children, dragging them up, scruffy, no attention and think what is wrong with this world that they get to do that and yet I, who loves being a Mum and put all my effort into it will only ever have one child. Now I'm TTC and in the meantime 2 of my sisters are already pregnant again. One of them hates being pregnant (to give her her due, she gets terribly ill each time) and the other day was moaning so much I was ready to strangle her, thinking but I would love it, sickness, kidney infections and backache and all.

At the same time I remember when I was pregnant with my son, my aunt had been TTC for ages and then miscarried at 10 weeks. I felt awful having to tell her I was pregnant (not only pregnant but 13 weeks pregnant when I found out) But she simply said that why would she be unhappy? This was my baby, it didn't make it any less likely that she would have her baby one day (she did, 6 months after I had my son)

So swallow hard, cry in private, but remember that the young girl may find her life turned around by this baby (I did) and that this may be the baby that your brother in law stays in touch with and becomes a good dad and that at the end of the day neither of these pregnancies will have any effect on your chances.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that when the time is right you'll get your BFP.
Sorry this is so long. But it was like reading something I would have written a while back and I know how heart rending it is to watch other people.

 

[xJodieLoux]

 

[happy-chick]

 

[mummykay]

i really hope it happens soon for u hun

 

[frangelle]

So swallow hard, cry in private, but remember that the young girl may find her life turned around by this baby (I did) and that this may be the baby that your brother in law stays in touch with and becomes a good dad and that at the end of the day neither of these pregnancies will have any effect on your chances. quote]

I agree, that upset me abit when you said about that girl. I had a job but very little money when I was first pregnant but I like to think it did not affect my upbringing skills of my child, and I have turned my life around. Love means far more than money to a child. We must remember not to be so judgemental.

However, I do appreciate what you are going through as I had been trying to conceive for ages, and then this skanky woman who knocks her kids about got pregnant, and I thought how unfair it was that someone who doesn't give a damn about their kids could conceive and not me. But I'm sure you'll get there in the end, I did

Good luck

 

[jenna]

Hi hun,
Iv been trying for 10months and can totally understand how your feeling. It seems so unfair and like it will never happen.

I get really upset when i find out other people are TTC that i know because i just instantly think they'll get pregnant before me and i'll have to prepare myself for when they tell me and when they have it and if they'll ask me to look after it. Its really hard but one day you will have a little baby and it'll have a loving family and you'll be well prepared for it!

Dont worry yourself with other peoples problems, the worlds full of men and women that dont give a **** about there kids or abuses them. It'll happen soon hun And when it does it'll be lucky to have parents like you.

 

[gemmap27]

Thanks everyone.

I feel a bit better now. Luckily I dont have to see this particular couple too often.

I often think that maybe we should have started trying a few years ago - instead of waiting till now, but we waited till we paid off our debt and felt that we would be able to offer a child every opportunity we could. We didnt want to be further in debt - I understand that accidents happen and some people are in bad situations when they fall pregnant, but why can it happen to the ones that really want it!

I think makes me feel worse because I had just started to feel happy for his younger sister, and enjoy being around the baby. I know that I will eventually feel happy for the other couple. I am still quite upset about my miscarriage too, which doesnt help.

My partners other brother and his wife are trying for a baby - and have been as long as we have, they too have had a miscarriage, I hope I dont feel like this when they conceive.

I hate this jealous feeling - its not in my nature to feel like this.

I hope its our turn soon. though I dont hold out much hope this month as we havent bd as much as we could have. but I am due to test next week, but will probably try over the weekend.

 

[jenna]

Dont worry hun every one else feels the same.

 

[SarahB]

I really hope you get a BFP soon honey