Gender scan Monday - just thrown up!!!

[nicky1987]

I struggled to conceive and this story did not offend me in the slightest! The thing I find more offensive is people thinking that people like me will be offended by it!

I knew nothing about GD until I came across this thread and to be honest yes I was shocked at first but it is as real as any other condition you may suffer in life and not something somebody should be judged for at all x

 

[Jaxx01]

I totally understand wanting a certain gender and after 4 boys I know even I would be dreaming of a girl. But in one post it just said, it's a boy, I'm gutted. And I just thought it was a bit of a strong comment to make?
After one boy I was hoping for a girl so I get the whole "I really hope this is a..." feeling, but I was just shocked when I read that, and I know a couple of people who have really struggled for one child, to have 5 would be a dream for them, with gender being the least important factor in it all.
I'm not meaning to sound cruel as I can understand a bit of disappointment at first, but I can't imagine ever being "gutted" about it x

But the difference is you got the girl that you'd hoped for??

I don't think anyone was offended by this post. It was probably very difficult for Cos to put all this down in writing.

 

[lauralou]

The people I'm referring have had terrible life threatening experiences resulting in losing children and having major surgery, on several occasions. And I know that not once would gender cross their mind. But like I said, I really understand wanting a certain gender, I'm not saying she was wrong to feel that way, I said it shocked me. As you said it did u. I'm certainly not judging anyone.

 

[lauralou]

I also didn't say it would offend anyone, I said "might upset".

Try not to turn this into an argument, all I said was it shocked me.

 

[nicky1987]

Haha trust me I am far from the argumentative type! I couldn't have an argument with a fly!! So please don't think I'm getting at you - I respect you have an opinion as we all do!! X

 

[lauralou]

Thanks xx

 

[Lolly85x]

As much as I can understand wanting a girl, I must admit I was a bit shocked to read this? Was baby healthy? Think that should really be the important factor x

Sorry if that sounds harsh but people go through losses and have children with various disabilities and I think reading this might upset a few? Sorry if I've missed something in this thread, was a few pages to read.


Xx

Sounds like you have missed the while point of this thread - if you read it all... You would see why before making harsh comments.

 

[lauralou]

Yeah I just have and I don't think I sound harsh at all, others seem to har said similar things and not been called harsh?

Maybe read my posts again?x

 

[Lolly85x]

As much as I can understand wanting a girl, I must admit I was a bit shocked to read this? Was baby healthy? Think that should really be the important factor x

Sorry if that sounds harsh but people go through losses and have children with various disabilities and I think reading this might upset a few? Sorry if I've missed something in this thread, was a few pages to read.


Xx

I didn't call you harsh... I'm not turning this into an argument.
You said in above post sorry if iv missed something. Which you must have. I understand everyone has different opinions.
People do go through losses and children with disabilities. But that's not what this thread was about.
And that's why it has been so hard for Cosmic to be so open about her feelings.
GD is something I never even thought about, untill I read this thread.

 

[lauralou]

"Sounds like you have missed the while point of this thread - if you read it all... You would see why before making harsh comments."

You did. But that's irrelevant. My views must be different to yours which is fine. I don't think I see being disappointed about the sex of the baby as an actual medical or mental issue tho? Surely it's just part of your personality and if you've set your hopes on something and it doesn't happen, it's natural to feel down about it. Like anything in life. Some things we don't get a choice on, but to me the gender wouldn't make a huge impact, as long as everything was ok x

 

[cosmicgirl]

Laura, you are obviously very entitled to your opinion and believe me it is one that I am faced with constantly.
Lots of ladies who suffer GD are faced with ladies who (fortunately) don't understand the feelings of GD and can't understand why anyone could ever be disappointed.
It's an awful thing because your emotions conflict everything you should (and do) feel about being a mother and carrying a beautiful new life. The guilt of feeling disappointed catches in your throat, the pain of the "loss" of a child you have dreamed of and longed for for so long that doesn't and may not ever exist. It's tough, really really tough.
I was gutted, it floored me tbh. Jeez, I couldn't even speak to anyone about it for a while. If anyone asked if I knew the sex yet I'd say I didn't know because I'd get upset.
I was so so sure this lo would be a girl. After 4 boys it must be my turn, right??
This was also to be my last pregnancy, 5 kids was really stretching it with room in the house and a 7 seater car. So the pressure was on, it had to be a girl, didn't it?
Of course it would be - we did the Shettles method, we are the girl diet, we only bd'd on months that the chinese gender calendar said it would be a girl.
What else could I have done???? Give me a break!!!!
And then everyone around me (it felt this way) was having girls, girls and more girls. Why not me? It's not like I haven't tried, not like I've given it one go and spat my dummy out so to speak.
I felt a bit useless tbh and absolutely devastated. That was it, dream over.
From that point on the reality hit that I was NEVER going to get my little princess. How could that be though?? I've seen her for years in my dreams, she has a name, jeez she's even got a secret box of little pink outfits I have collected over the years!
So now I'm here with my beautiful 5th son who is so amazing that just looking at him brings tears to my eyes. He is the most perfect gift that I have ever been lucky enough to have been given.
Would I swap him for a girl - never!
Do I still long for a daughter - with all my heart.
I am still very up and down about trying for again, where do you draw the line? 6,7,8 children?
At what point do I admit to myself and accept I'm never going to have my little girl??? And that is where I'm struggling at the moment. I'm not rich, I have a well paid job and a 5 bed house but room is something I need to think about.
I also need to consider my emotional well being if it was another boy.

I don't expect anyone to fully understand what I've been through and live with every day but if I can help you to understand just a percentage of what it's like then job done.
If any ladies are feeling GD and want to talk privately as you are too embarrassed or guilty (as is often the case) please inbox me privately and I'm always here to listen xxx

 

[lauralou]

Totally understand wanting a girl and I'm not trying to say you shouldn't feel like you did. But to me, it seemed like it took over which I don't believe gender should do. Again everyone is different, and have different personalities which deal with things differently, but I think it's just a natural let down if you are so set on wanting something? X

 

[tambo1976]

Laura, you are obviously very entitled to your opinion and believe me it is one that I am faced with constantly.
Lots of ladies who suffer GD are faced with ladies who (fortunately) don't understand the feelings of GD and can't understand why anyone could ever be disappointed.
It's an awful thing because your emotions conflict everything you should (and do) feel about being a mother and carrying a beautiful new life. The guilt of feeling disappointed catches in your throat, the pain of the "loss" of a child you have dreamed of and longed for for so long that doesn't and may not ever exist. It's tough, really really tough.
I was gutted, it floored me tbh. Jeez, I couldn't even speak to anyone about it for a while. If anyone asked if I knew the sex yet I'd say I didn't know because I'd get upset.
I was so so sure this lo would be a girl. After 4 boys it must be my turn, right??
This was also to be my last pregnancy, 5 kids was really stretching it with room in the house and a 7 seater car. So the pressure was on, it had to be a girl, didn't it?
Of course it would be - we did the Shettles method, we are the girl diet, we only bd'd on months that the chinese gender calendar said it would be a girl.
What else could I have done???? Give me a break!!!!
And then everyone around me (it felt this way) was having girls, girls and more girls. Why not me? It's not like I haven't tried, not like I've given it one go and spat my dummy out so to speak.
I felt a bit useless tbh and absolutely devastated. That was it, dream over.
From that point on the reality hit that I was NEVER going to get my little princess. How could that be though?? I've seen her for years in my dreams, she has a name, jeez she's even got a secret box of little pink outfits I have collected over the years!
So now I'm here with my beautiful 5th son who is so amazing that just looking at him brings tears to my eyes. He is the most perfect gift that I have ever been lucky enough to have been given.
Would I swap him for a girl - never!
Do I still long for a daughter - with all my heart.
I am still very up and down about trying for again, where do you draw the line? 6,7,8 children?
At what point do I admit to myself and accept I'm never going to have my little girl??? And that is where I'm struggling at the moment. I'm not rich, I have a well paid job and a 5 bed house but room is something I need to think about.
I also need to consider my emotional well being if it was another boy.

I don't expect anyone to fully understand what I've been through and live with every day but if I can help you to understand just a percentage of what it's like then job done.
If any ladies are feeling GD and want to talk privately as you are too embarrassed or guilty (as is often the case) please inbox me privately and I'm always here to listen xxx

You put that beautifully. It actually put a lump in my throat I get where you are coming from completely but I also understand that not everyone will. That's just a fact of life that will never change, nor should it. If we all had the same opinion the world would be a boring place x

 

[positivity :)]

I felt just like you hun
Whenever I shared my news people felt so sad for me and "ah never mind eh" and that was just because they knew how much it meant to me and knew that was (supposedly) my last chance.
You will be sad, upset, disappointed and feel hard done by - I did. But I promise you that once you see his little face, these feelings will fade and you will feel a whole new set of emotions.
You'll still yearn for a little girl, that never goes away but you'll be over joyed and so in love.
My little man is my world, all my kids are. Sometimes I just watch him sleeping, for hours and hours. I can't take my eyes off him. I love him so much it brings tears to my eyes.
Did you think I'd feel this way reading back in my thread?
That's the thing about gender disappointment. I bet many ladies where thinking "what a bitch, she should love her baby anyway". I've always loved him and always will, doesn't mean I wasn't so so disappointed about the little girl I was so sure I would have.
And you'll feel this too, I'm certain of that.
If you asked me now if I would swap him for a little girl, not on your life, I'd die for him. Would I love a little girl? Definitely, and there is still a pink piece of my puzzle missing.
I think what effected me most this time was knowing that this really should be my last chance for a little girl and how unfair I felt it was. It's not like I've had one boy and thrown my dummy out of the pram - 5 boys!!! When is it my turn????
That's how I felt at the time.
I still long for my little princess but as long as my kids are happy and healthy, at this moment all I feel is love xxxx

Cos just read this and wanted to say that you are a fab mummy and the way you articulate what you have/are going through is so heartwarming. I think everyone has always known what a great mummy you are and now I'm sure words like these will help many other women going through the same thing xx

 

[cosmicgirl]

Totally understand wanting a girl and I'm not trying to say you shouldn't feel like you did. But to me, it seemed like it took over which I don't believe gender should do. Again everyone is different, and have different personalities which deal with things differently, but I think it's just a natural let down if you are so set on wanting something? X

Completely! It took over my whole being and the massive anticipation, the pressure that "it must be a girl, this is my last try" completely overwhelmed me. Something was bound to give, and it did, I broke down.
You're right, when you want something so so much and try everything in your power to achieve it and seemingly against all odds you don't get it (what's the odds of 5 boys in a row!) it really does take over x

 

[cosmicgirl]

Thanks so much girls, it's a very difficult subject for everyone and I understand that, I honestly do.
All comments are welcome, both positive and negative. No offence felt here xx

 

[lauralou]

Glad you don't think I'm just saying "get over it" because it's not like that at all. I do believe the importance of gender is small, but if that's what u wanted and tried for and didn't get it then you've every right to be disappointed. Icant say I agree with not being able to look at scan picture etc because to me that sounds quite extreme, but I've not been in your position, nor do I know you as a person. I've had some crap thrown my way, not just baby related, and maybe that's made me see things differently. But everyone's different and everyone reacts to things differently x I don't agree with the person who said to me "but you've got your girl" because that doesnt change anything, and I'm 17 weeks pregnant, I don't have her here yet, so that's not got anything to do with it.
Some thing get blown way out of proportion, I'm honest and yes to me it is shocking to hear someone say they were gutted about having a boy, but that doesn't make me a bad person does it?

 

[cosmicgirl]

No of course not and to be honest I'm so glad that you feel that way because that is how you "should feel". The way you feel is the way I "should" feel and I would give my left arm to feel like you do and for this to be of no importance at all, but it is. Human emotions are a strange and complicated thing. They are moulded from our personalities and experiences and there's no rhyme or reason to alot of it.
Jeez, I wish I'd never even heard of GD, I wish it was me replying to this thread saying "aww poor you, I don't understand how you feel but " I really do.
I know how I feel is not "normal" but it's very real all the same.
And that's were women with GD struggle.
We know it's not normal, it's wrong, it's something to keep quiet about, be ashamed off, feel guilty about but it's very very real none the less.
It's normal for me to tell people on a regular basis "naw, I'm not bothered about having a girl" but that's my brave face (which is well practised).
Life eh x

 

[lauralou]

I've had problems before with certain things and people have really struggled to understand why I do the things/feel the way I do. So I know how u feel and I'm glad u know I'm not judging or anything like some people seemed to think.
Xxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

I know you're not judging hun, and even if you were, thats understandable. No one can help the way they feel about things and all too often we punish ourselves for our feelings which just impacts the problem further x