Ill put my two pence in whilst i have five minutes.
I never found out what Freddie was but oh did.
I spent the first third of my pregnancy devastated as i wasn't ready to have more children. Also i was hoping it was a boy for a playmate for Charlie. Then the second half i was getting super super down as Charlie was still a nightmare at night and stropping in the day. The last half i don't know why but id convinced myself i was having a girl,i fell in love with the name id picked and even had my cousin planning to drop round all her daughters baby clothes. I kept flipping between super excited to meet her and becoming seriously depressed about the idea it was a boy, as oh had decided he only wants 2. I have never had a good relationship with my mum and wanted to build a great one with my daughter.
Anyway im blabbing on now. Then Freddie came and i didn't get the whole gush of love with him that i did with Charlie. I was massively shocked he was a boy and really disappointed in myself for being so certain it was a girl. I didn't want to hold him or anything i didn't feel cooey etc. There are no pictures of me holding him when he was first born and it breaks my heart now that i had to have those emotions and didn't get as many pics as possible before the camera ran out of battery. Even the first 4 weeks or so are a blur to me, i just remember feeling depressed all the time. I don't necessarily think it was JUST down to gender,i think a lot of it was leftover depression from having Charlie, stress,the shock of having 2 so soon and adapting to my life changing drastically in a short space of time, but now I hugely regret staying team yellow and wish id gone and got a.private scan after realising after my 20 week one i actually DO care and want to prepare myself for it. Maybe it would have made a difference maybe not. I love him now and love his little personality he's developing but i will always carry the guilt of how i felt despite meeting him after he was born and i will also never get those first few weeks back.
But everyone's different and i had a whole other truck load of issues that added to the mix too.
Just out of curiosity Cos, was your bump different with each pregnancy? Mine was the same neat 'boy' bump both times (i was still convinced Freddie was a girl though) x
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you did have a hard time hun.
) is your oh willing to try for another Cos? Rick still only wants two but said maybe when these two are starting school we could think about trying again... Which i don't know, it'd be like starting all over again and i want to do midwifery and would rather get the children close together so i don't have to wait as long to start studying but then having said that it'd be nice to have a big break, have some time in the day to bond with the baby on my own whilst they were at school and enjoy the boys growing up and then enjoy my next baby properly. So i dunno, i might not even end up having more or i might have ten more who knows? X 
