funniest thing you did in labour?

[leckershell]

And kept repeating the Hastings Direct telephone number from the advert '0800 00 1066'

You know that rings a bell here too.. honestly..!

Rings a bell

 

[monster_munch]

When having Green Bean, it wasn't anything I said or did that was hilarious, but it was the midwife asking me to remove my knickers, as I was feeling pressure during the contractions and she wanted to watch my bumhole (apparently it opens up if baby is imminent...)
I remember apologising profusely to DH as I wanted it to be a real dignified affair and it all went tits up!

 

[claireyfairey]

This thread is too funny! Thanks girls - been sitting her relaying stories to OH and we've both been falling around laughing!

C xxx

 

[Melly+2]

When having Green Bean, it wasn't anything I said or did that was hilarious, but it was the midwife asking me to remove my knickers, as I was feeling pressure during the contractions and she wanted to watch my bumhole (apparently it opens up if baby is imminent...)
I remember apologising profusely to DH as I wanted it to be a real dignified affair and it all went tits up!

tits up or bum holes up

 

[ShineyHappyPeople]

I remember telling the midwife that my arse felt heavy

That made me giggle!!

"i dont want to talk to them i'm in too much pain- tell them to f*ck off mum" and the midwife siad "yeah def bring her in"

LOL

 

[pilkers]

I got locked in the bathroom when I was in labour for about 30 mins.. OH was bricking it I was quite literally pissing myself laughing in there.

I can't remember much about the early stages except that after the first dose of pethidine I decided it was a good idea to ring my sister and talk complete bollocks...apparently I pretty much sang every word.

I also asked the consultant what he was doing "down there" when Evie was born and then after she was born I asked him what he was "still doing down there"? I was pretty convinced he liked the look of it

 

[jadensmummy]

i was really good and i didnt swear till i was delivering the placenta(it was stuck and the cord was snapping )
my sister did tell me that i was singing whilst i was on the gas and air cant remember what it was though from looking at previous posts, looks like everone sing on gas and air lol.
i do remember telling the midwife to " keep him up there" i couldnt push anymore i was exhausted lol.

 

[Eblinx]

Nothing to do with me.
My mum was there with my second and i remember a couple of her quotes
"Its not like on casualty"
"Im glad i had a c section"

And then when the baby was out she promtly went on to pass out thus they had to press the emergency button for her.
What a fab help she was at the birth

 

[*Star*]

With me first when I was pushing i was pretty sure i was poohing myself, i didn't though!

And when Benjamin was crowning I made mark hold a hand mirror between my legs so i could see him being born. the midwife kept telling him to move it, but i grabbed his hand and kept it there. the midwife was telling me that she couldn't see, and i was life, yes well neither can i!

so they ended up going to get a huge 5ft mirror at the end of the bed so i could see what was going on!

then with my youngest oliver, when i started to feel the need to push i kept telling mark that i wanted to go home and that i didn't want this baby now in a really babyish whiny voice!

 

[fran_23]

this thread has had me in stitches- i keep remembering stuff
you know how labour is all a fuzzy memory with bits missing?
my OH kindly reminded me of something else i said as i regailed(sp?)
him with your tales!! when i was pushing the midwife said "i can see the head come on-ooh your child has red hair" apparently i said "oh god i'm not pushing anymore then" lol how evil!! he ad blondey red hair which is now blonde but all the blood made him look like a ginner!!
ps i'm not a gingerist i dye my hair red...

 

[kelly85]

Well as soon as i started gas n air i just had this big massive grin on my face, sayin to OH it just feels like u do when ur stoned.....forgot my mum was in the room!

I remember the midwife saying before the delivery, 'the babys head has come down some more, have u been pushing?' and i said 'no' really childishly...think i mustve felt naughty as i had actually been pushing very slightly

The worst though, was when MW said she can see the baby has a lot of dark hair and i stupidly exclaimed, 'Is it curly?!'

 

[LisaJ1986]

I remember my midwife asking if i'd picked a name for my daughter yet. I said yeah. She asked what it was and my response was "Angel, but i'm thinking of changing it"
She said, with a serious face apparently "Oh yeah? What to?"
And i said "To Satan!!!"
Apparently Shaun and the MW looked at each other trying not to laugh!
Baring in mind i had no pain relief!

And my OH told me to calm down, i'm doing really well. I said "Well you do it then!"

My voice was pretty much a growl the whole way through! Lol

 

[xJuliex]

shouted at the midwife to 'F****g PULL HIM OUT NOW!'

my dad was in stitches

 

[badgergirl]

I somehow managed to engage the midwives in a conversation about tampons minutes before starting to push. According to OH they started discussing "those reusable things, what're they called", to which I proudly, at the top of my voice, yelled "MOOOOOOOOOOOOONCUP!"

Sprog was eventually delivered in theatre as he went into distress, so they had to use forceps, but also prepare me for an emergency c-secion just in case. Simply Red was playing through the speakers (thought that was a TV myth!), and I announced to OH "oooooh, I LOVE Mick Hucknall". He knew I was being sarcastic, but apparently it sounded more ecstatic

 

[Rosieroo]

Well I didn't do it on purpose, but when I was giving birth to DS on the floor at home my MW got down on her knees to break my waters. Just as she approached my foo with her face near that level my waters exploded and went all over her face She was splattered from head to knee

Serves the biatch right for making me get out of my nice warm comfortable pool

 

[MagicMarkers]

lol i love this thread, makes birth a bit less scary somehow knowing il be able to laugh about it one day , or at least laugh at you lot

 

[fran_23]

lol i love this thread, makes birth a bit less scary somehow knowing il be able to laugh about it one day , or at least laugh at you lot

i remember reading a similiar thread when i was PG and it helped..
you'll laugh too when u are done i promise!
i'm so dfrunk

 

[chezzabell]

My midwife and the doctor were arguing over my contractions, so I told them both to fuck off outside my room if they are going to argue.
I told my mum to switch big borther off the telly (the telly wasnt even on ).
I also was speaking to a freind of mine from school who I thought was in he room (which he wasnt).
Think I had abit too much gas and air

 

[Lola's Mummy]

My midwife told me she was just going to go and check on someone else and she would examine me when she came back. After she left the room i told OH he better not look at my bits, even though when i was pushing i made him have a look to make sure the midwife wasn't fibbing

About midway though labour OH needed to go to toilet but he wasn't aloud to use the one in the room so he had to use the ones on the ward. He went but when he came back forgot which room i was in and went into the wrong room! With some woman bent over the bed
He got marched back to my room by a very angry midwife!!

When i was pushing i told the midwife I'd had enough and asked her if she could just pull her out. The midwife said "oh yeah I'll just grab her by the ears and yank her out shall i" I said "ok then but be careful"

 

[NooNoo]

omg some of these are so funny...

when i went on gas and air i went all drunk lol i was like hehe shhhhhhhhh and giggling all the time...

i then went on to yabber on to my midwife that i went to school with her kids
o and then a bit further on when i was completely buggered lol i was in the poor and the thermometer came floating road and hit me in the face..i was like oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii mr thermometer!!! and then was telling oh that 'we had that button at home' (a button off the thermometer)..'where have i seen it before' i could hardly speak lol and he just wasnt getting it..i was so angry with him..kept shouting it!! WHERE IS THAT BUTTON FROM FFS haha poor guy