Fuming!

[carli91]

Well I woke up yesterday feeling really down. I was feeling fat and ugly and I just miss the connection I used to have with the oh because at the minute I can't bare for him to touch me but I really do miss the cuddles and sex. So oh realised that I was upset last night so I explained why and told him I was sorry that we don't have sex any more and that Im always tired but that I would try and make more of an effort. He told me not to worry about it and that it's fine and that he doesn't care about the sex and that he just misses the cuddles and closeness. So we cuddled for a little bit and I felt better then fell asleep.
So I woke up at half 2 this morning I find oh still awake and fiddling about with his phone and when he realised I was awake he put his phone down and went asleep which I thought was wierd. Woke up this morning and my phone was dead so took ohs phone down stairs with me and when I clicked on google I found that he had been searching for porn! In the google feeds it came up with 'free porn' 'slags get f*cked'!! I am livid!! Considering the no sex doesn't bother him!! Now I feel worse than I did yesterday!

Am I overreacting or is this totally unacceptable??

Sorry for the rant ladies but I don't know what to do xx

 

[Samantha55]

I guess he was just trying not to hurt your feelings and take the pressure off you so you don't feel guilty about not having sex at the moment (which is completely understandable right now, I know I'm certainly far too tired most of the time!). Try sitting down and talking to him about it again and tell him you saw what was on his phone. Good luck xx

 

[Shola]

Hi Carli91, didn't want to read & run but I have no experience of this so it's purely my own opinion...men are a strange species!!! If I were you I would just laugh it off. It's great that he's being supportive of the fact you're not keen on sex at the moment & although he's saying he doesn't need it he obviously just needs to let off steam every once in a while!! just because he's looking at that site doesn't mean he loves you any less & he obviously doesn't want to upset you by putting pressure on you to do something you don't want to do.

Can you talk to him about it? X

 

[carli91]

It wouldn't have bothered me if he had told me how he was feeling about missing sex because I'm exactly the same. Before I got pregnant we used to have sex everyday sometimes twice we have always had a high sex drive so I can understand how he's feeling I just can't believe he's been looking at porn and god knows what else whilst I have been asleep in bed next to him! That's hurt my feelings more than it would have done if he had just told me the truth xx

 

[carli91]

Hi Carli91, didn't want to read & run but I have no experience of this so it's purely my own opinion...men are a strange species!!! If I were you I would just laugh it off. It's great that he's being supportive of the fact you're not keen on sex at the moment & although he's saying he doesn't need it he obviously just needs to let off steam every once in a while!! just because he's looking at that site doesn't mean he loves you any less & he obviously doesn't want to upset you by putting pressure on you to do something you don't want to do.

Can you talk to him about it? X

I could talk to him about it but its awkward at the minute because we are both living at home with my parents and if I tried to talk about it I would end up crying and then my mum would know that I had been crying and want to know why and in the worse liar ever and wouldn't know what to say to her but then if I don't say anything there would be an atmosphere all day which would just make it worse. Really don't know what to do c

 

[JJ Mum]

I think he was really trying to be understanding, he wont have realised you would have taken him missing sex well, maybee he could see how down you were. I think hes been quite sweet to not say to perk you up.

Id not say anything and Continue with cuddles and see if you have some energy for nookie soon to keep him going, it wont be like this forever, and after babys born hell be as tired as you and can see how draining it is xx

 

[carli91]

I know he was only trying to spare my feelings so I can't understand why I'm feeling like this. I just feel really hurt and upset and I know it's just my hormones but I really don't think I could get through the day without saying anything or I would crack up xx

 

[Rachel80]

Personally I would be distraught, not very comforting for you I know but I'd still be gutted. However, if he'd woken you up & tried it on with you would you have pushed him away?? If so then I can kind of understand it but I still think its out of order. You are making sacrifices & going without, so should he. I wouldn't be able to bottle it up. Go for a walk & talk to him, if you come back crying tell your mum a story!x

 

[carli91]

Thank you Rachel thought I was the only one who thought it was out of order. If he had of woke me up wanting it I probably would have been up for it because I'd had a couple of hours sleep. But since being pregnant I've been awake every morning at the crack of dawn and I don't finish work until 11pm so when I get home in shattered which is when he wants sex, but after a few hours sleep I'm ok then. Definitely going to talk to him xx

 

[Gemsy]

The way you are feeling is understandable and not out of order. BUT - I will tell you this, the vast majority of men look at porn, even if a lot of them don't admit it. Men's approach and gratification from sex are different to ours - it doesn't mean he loves you any less or finds you less attractive - it just means he needs to let off a bit of steam!

By all means tell him how you feel, and just explain why you are feeling upset about it, but don't let it affect your relationship with him.

 

[carli91]

Thanks girl I'm definitely going to be talking to him but going to try and not let it get me down. Hormones are a horrible thing! Xx

 

[carli91]

Girls*

 

[Jess.]

I wouldn't take it personally I confronted my OH about him watching porn every before I was pregnant and he explained that men need something visual and its just for tension release. As long as you trust him I'd say it isn't a problem, I tell my OH to go watch some now when he's nagging me haha xx

 

[Rachel80]

If i found out my oh was watching porn I'd go mental, I'm no I'm not delusional - my oh wouldn't & doesn't do it. But, if I found out he was I would hit the roof. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude - I just think its unnecessary in a healthy normal relationship. Pregnant or not, I wouldn't like it x

 

[Geekachublog]

Men watch porn even when you're not pregnant.
I've been feeling a lot like you lately, but I talked to my husband about it, he's extremely supportive like your OH but told me he's missing sex a lot, but then he tells me if he's "treated himself", being so open means that I don't feel threatened or offended. He has needs, which at the minute I can't/don't want to fulfil, but so long as he's not going off with other women and it's all just very innocent then it doesn't bother me.

 

[Geekachublog]

Men watch porn even when you're not pregnant.
I've been feeling a lot like you lately, but I talked to my husband about it, he's extremely supportive like your OH but told me he's missing sex a lot, but then he tells me if he's "treated himself", being so open means that I don't feel threatened or offended. He has needs, which at the minute I can't/don't want to fulfil, but so long as he's not going off with other women and it's all just very innocent then it doesn't bother me.

 

[MrsHop]

This all depends on your actual feelings on porn I find, if you don't mind it then it's easier to get over it!

Me and hubs have a very healthy sex life, and apart from a spell around 8-12 weeks where I wasn't feeling it we've carried on as usual. I am still aware that he has a lil fiddle on his computer and looks at some pretty girls. He is a man after all! If I found out that the porn he was watching was in any way degrading to women or over the top I'd have different things to say about it.

 

[Vickimo]

Personally I'd be upset if my hubby knocked me back and then watched porn but the thought of him watching porn doesn't concern me. I can't say it's something we've ever discussed but as he works in china and we only see each other every couple of months I'd be naive to think that he doesn't have a wee perusal and play he loves me and we're having a baby together so that's all that matters to me. I think hormones play a big part in it and it would probably only bother me if he did something that he knew I'd be offended by. He's probably trying to be supportive and if he thought it was wrong would probably have deleted the history. I think you're right to talk to him though for some reassurance if nothing else x

 

[H16]

Personally porn doesn't bother me in the slightest, I would much rather my OH watched porn than actually go out and sleep with a random but that's just my opinion and I know a lot of people don't like porn.

As the other ladies have said, he probably just accepts that you are too tired etc at the moment and decided to watch porn in secret rather than pester you for sex, I wouldn't worry too much xxx