huffleclaw
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- Aug 21, 2020
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I just joined here a few minutes ago, and I'm not sure if I'm really posting this in the right subforum or anything. I just needed somewhere to share my story and try to get some solid feedback. It's a very complicated situation but I'll try to sum this up as best as I can.
So about 5 months ago, I had to leave my full time job and move to Georgia from Illinois to be with family during Covid. I met my boyfriend here on a dating app. Some months later, we ended up getting pregnant. I'm 28, he's 32. We mostly thought he was sterile, because apparently he'd been trying to have a kid for years. But there's no excuse, we did it unprotected knowing it still could have happened. I've been pregnant for about 6-7 weeks now. It's important to mention that for the last few weeks, I've been very unsure about keeping the baby or not for a variety of reasons, but the main one being that we are not financially independent.
He lives with a female roommate; a friend of his for about 6 years and she makes most of the money. He suggested I move in with him so that we be together during this time, so I did with the hopes that we could get our own place together in a fathomable amount of time. Partly due to the fact that they don't have a three bedroom; they have one for his roommate, one for her daughter, and he and I sleep on the couch.
To make matters worse, I discovered some days ago, that they'd had sex on and off up until just a couple months before we got together; information that he'd withheld from me originally in fear that I would leave him if I knew. Because I know this, it's been extremely difficult for me to live comfortably with them, and the fact that we don't have our own individual space in the apartment only makes me feel worse. She is constantly around.
A few nights ago, she suggested to him that we TRY to get a 3-bedroom house after the lease is up (in 15 months.) I say try because she isn't sure it's affordable, which would mean that we'd end up in the same situation we are now...sleeping on a couch, with a crib in the living room. This really bothered me. And when my boyfriend originally mentioned to me that she had talked to him about that, the way he presented it was by suggesting it was partly because she didn't want to be alone with her baby. In my head I'm thinking, "that's not really my problem." I've only lived with them a week but I already hate it for the reasons I mentioned prior. And I can't help but feel that she's less worried about his and my baby, and more about being lonely, but that she's using the fact that we HAVE the baby and don't have the means of financial independence right now in order to keep things the same. As for my boyfriend, he's a people pleaser and seems like he's afraid of disappointing either one of us even though he won't say it openly. While we were discussing how to be financially independent within the next 3 years, she goes, "There's a good chance you won't be able to be. You need to decide if you're either comfortable staying with me and my daughter, or if you don't want the baby."
I had a big talk with both of them last night and ultimately ended up telling him I'd settle on a 3 bedroom only. Truthfully though I don't even like that. I don't feel comfortable sharing a house with her, because of the fact that I don't trust her and I'm starting not to trust him now since I fear his decision-making is partly based on her feelings. And if forced to be in this situation for who knows how long, I'm thinking I would likely rather not have the baby and risk losing him. That feels almost selfish on my part, though, because I'm supposed to be thinking about what's best for the baby, and not what makes me feel better emotionally. I'm sure that living with them would mean that the baby would be safe. It would just mean I'd be absolutely miserable.
So about 5 months ago, I had to leave my full time job and move to Georgia from Illinois to be with family during Covid. I met my boyfriend here on a dating app. Some months later, we ended up getting pregnant. I'm 28, he's 32. We mostly thought he was sterile, because apparently he'd been trying to have a kid for years. But there's no excuse, we did it unprotected knowing it still could have happened. I've been pregnant for about 6-7 weeks now. It's important to mention that for the last few weeks, I've been very unsure about keeping the baby or not for a variety of reasons, but the main one being that we are not financially independent.
He lives with a female roommate; a friend of his for about 6 years and she makes most of the money. He suggested I move in with him so that we be together during this time, so I did with the hopes that we could get our own place together in a fathomable amount of time. Partly due to the fact that they don't have a three bedroom; they have one for his roommate, one for her daughter, and he and I sleep on the couch.
To make matters worse, I discovered some days ago, that they'd had sex on and off up until just a couple months before we got together; information that he'd withheld from me originally in fear that I would leave him if I knew. Because I know this, it's been extremely difficult for me to live comfortably with them, and the fact that we don't have our own individual space in the apartment only makes me feel worse. She is constantly around.
A few nights ago, she suggested to him that we TRY to get a 3-bedroom house after the lease is up (in 15 months.) I say try because she isn't sure it's affordable, which would mean that we'd end up in the same situation we are now...sleeping on a couch, with a crib in the living room. This really bothered me. And when my boyfriend originally mentioned to me that she had talked to him about that, the way he presented it was by suggesting it was partly because she didn't want to be alone with her baby. In my head I'm thinking, "that's not really my problem." I've only lived with them a week but I already hate it for the reasons I mentioned prior. And I can't help but feel that she's less worried about his and my baby, and more about being lonely, but that she's using the fact that we HAVE the baby and don't have the means of financial independence right now in order to keep things the same. As for my boyfriend, he's a people pleaser and seems like he's afraid of disappointing either one of us even though he won't say it openly. While we were discussing how to be financially independent within the next 3 years, she goes, "There's a good chance you won't be able to be. You need to decide if you're either comfortable staying with me and my daughter, or if you don't want the baby."
I had a big talk with both of them last night and ultimately ended up telling him I'd settle on a 3 bedroom only. Truthfully though I don't even like that. I don't feel comfortable sharing a house with her, because of the fact that I don't trust her and I'm starting not to trust him now since I fear his decision-making is partly based on her feelings. And if forced to be in this situation for who knows how long, I'm thinking I would likely rather not have the baby and risk losing him. That feels almost selfish on my part, though, because I'm supposed to be thinking about what's best for the baby, and not what makes me feel better emotionally. I'm sure that living with them would mean that the baby would be safe. It would just mean I'd be absolutely miserable.