Feeling really down

[Donna88]

Hi everyone,


I'm not really sure why I'm posting here... but I just need to get things out I'm just feeling really down. I'm coming off the depo and waiting for my cycles to return. I know that it's something I have done to myself, but that just makes it feel worse. I know it could be a year yet until I get anything... and even then that might just be a year until the doctors will help me if my periods don't return.


I only had two shots of the depo, my last one in August, so was due in October. I stupidly thought having only a couple of shots wouldn't take as long to come out of my system... as I'd been on it for 4 years before and it took 9 months. Again, stupidly I didn't research before going back on it, as circumstances changed and I didn't know when we'd be trying. I can't go on the pill as it messes with my hormones like crazy... we were getting married and I was due to be on my period on the wedding day and also didn't want to use condoms on honeymoon-STUPID reasons now I look back, I had perfectly good cycles and I've gone and messed that up.


Anyway, so I know it's early days... two and a half months off the depo I shouldn't be expecting to see anything. However my sister was on it twice, once for 4 years and it took her periods a year to return... then for one year and she was pregnant within 5 months of coming off... I know everyone is different so I shouldn't compare, but I can't help but think well... that could be me, why haven't my periods returned yet!?


I try to take my mind off it, but at times I get really strong symptoms... sore and enlarged boobs, back ache, cramps, CM ect... but still no sign of a period and no ovulation (I've used cheap online tests when I've had the symptoms) I try not to let it happen, but I feel disappointment every time I go to the toilet and the paper is clear after I wipe.


I just don't know what to do... well I know there is nothing I can do, this is something I have done to myself and there's no taking it back, I just have to wait.

 

[M1chelle]

Sorry to hear that. It must be frustrating. Funny how most of this forum are hoping NOT to see A F . I hope all settles back to normal soon. I wonder if it's possible to get pregnant before you actually have that first period, I guess it must be. It's so hard not to get disappointed regardless of circumstances when faced with negative tests (whether that's ovulation or conception). This motherly urge we all have is clearly deep engrained.

 

[Aragon]

This must be so frustrating. It took me a year to get AF back after microgynon but 5 weeks after cerezette. Both are tupes of the pill but I guess it shows no two times are the same.
I know you've been patiently waiting for a while now. Easy for me to say but try not to put pressure on yourself. Your body is amazing and AF will return when it thinks the time is right
Xxx

 

[Blackcat]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down at the moment. You keep saying that you've done this to yourself, but it sounds like you made the right decision for you at that time. I know it can't be easy, but try not to be too hard on yourself. Hopefully, your cycles will be back to normal soon x

 

[Crinkles90]

Incredibly frustrating! Sending you lots of positive vibes - I lurk like crazy on here and rarely post... Really hoping your cycles return sooner rather than later... I'm using this time to do as much as I can of the things I'd have to stop once pregnant/with a newborn! Hokiday booked along with water sports lol


Xxx

 

[Donna88]

Thank you all for replying


I am trying to relax and just enjoy this time ect. have loads of things booked, I think yesterday I just had a particularly bad day.



Thanks again for replying, it's really appreciated... just rushing out with my sister now

 

[Donna88]

Okay.... I actually can't believe this... I've just been to the toilet and there was blood!


Going to see if that progresses to a full on period tonight/tomorrow.... trying not to get too excited, but even if it's not a proper period it's something, could be a withdrawal bleed or something... but it means something is happening right?


I wonder if that is why I was feeling particularly down yesterday

 

[Blackcat]

It could be. I always feel rubbish right before my periods, and even end up crying over stupid things like adverts. Fx this is a positive sign for you x

 

[Crinkles90]

EEEEP!! fingers crossed hun! keep us posted x

 

[M1chelle]

Ah that's great news. Maybe letting it off your chest here relieved some of the stress! Fx this is your new start x

 

[Donna88]

I will do thanks again guys



TMI-WARNING


I put a tampon in when I first got the blood, was going to keep it in until I went to bed but when I went to the toilet I couldn't help myself. That had quite a bit of old brown blood on it, so not sure what that means. Obviously still just waiting to see if I get more fresh blood now.


I'll be a bit gutted if that's all I get and it isn't a proper period, however I'm going to try and stay positive as whether it's a period or not, my body is clearly doing something.

 

[Aragon]

Donna this is brilliant! It means something is happening!!! Try not to get downhearted if it doesn't progress to a period. It still means you're closer to getting back on track! xx

 

[Donna88]

Thankyou. I'm staying positive. Just knowing my body is doing something is good

Bleeding stopped last night; I still have cramps and feel really heavy down there... hoping it starts up again; but like you say even if this doesn't turn into a full blown period it's better than what I've been having for the rest of these few months. Plus it is still early days; I'm just being impatient.


If it is just a withdrawal bleed then I'm going to treat it as CD1 anyway and do some OPK's from just to see if I am ovulating (that way if I'm not I won't be too disappointed next month if I don't have another bleed on time)

 

[Donna88]

I had the same last night and more brown blood today... just spotting of the brown blood though.

I'm going to think positive and treat it like a proper period.

Crazy to think I might be trying this month if that is the case.

 

[Donna88]

By same last night I mean I had more fresh blood. It's weird how it's switching between the fresh and the old; but still focusing on the positive of the fact that my body is doing something


I got some more agnus castus in the post today; I'm not sure whether to use it now though or wait and see if this is the start of my cycles as I was only taking it to try and kick start them

 

[Crinkles90]

Hey Hun that's what happened to me and I'd have times where there was no blood at all and then it would come back. Defo sounds like your bodies on the right track! The Angus cactus worked for me *i think* gonna class this as my first cycle hope the cactus helps Hun x

 

[Donna88]

I'm a bit concerned about taking the agnus castus as I'm not very good with the Opk's. I wouldn't want to miss ovulation (thinking I hadn't when I had) and still be taking agnus castus. I might see how I get on this month with Opk's; if I get a positive and if I get another bleed on time next month if I don't get a positive opk.
If I manage to get a positive with the Opk's or I don't get my period next month (or bfp) then ill start on the agnus castus again.

Fingers crossed this is our cycles back on track

 

[Crinkles90]

fingers crossed! happy to see you on the feb testing thread exciting stuff! I've mapped out my potential due dates for the next 6 months lol x

 

[Donna88]

Haha me too

Although I might be completely off having this at least gives me a little focus. Exciting.

Bleeding has stopped now though, and I'm getting CM so thinking it probably wasn't a period. Still planning on going ahead how I said before though