Feel like it will never happen

[Pidgeridoo]

OH and I have been together for eleven years now, married for two and bought a brand new three bedroom home for us two and our cat just over a year ago lol If I even mention feeling under the weather I can almost see the "she's pregnant" thought bubbles above peoples heads lol I think alot of people expected us to have a baby years ago, before we got married even but unfortunately it didn't work out that way! Whenver I get the twenty questions about when we are having a baby I just pretend that we only want cats, I find it easier to play up the crazy cat lady than tell people how much we would love to start our family and how it's not happening then have them feel sorry for and be awkward around me! I would never dream of asking anyone when they are planning on having kids now!

 

[MoominGirl]

The unfortunate thing is that people are genuinely ignorant to all of these things an actually aren't being unkind. I can't promise I won't flip out at some point but I know the poor person that ends up with the backlash would be mortified. Also it means going public with our struggles which I just don't want. Hardly anyone knows but if I'm honest, it's already too many.

 

[millielaura]

Yep! If enough people knoe aboit fertility struggles thought it should make people in general think before asking. There is way less taboo about it all now I noticed but still a long way to go.
I totally understand not wanting to share about it with anyone xxx

 

[MoominGirl]

It's definitely easier than it once was but like you say still a long way to go. A colleague of mine is going through a similar struggle but for lots of different reasons and has been very open about it. Everyone has been so supportive but it still doesn't make me any more willing. I think it's just knowing that once you open up about it you can't go back.

I think a big step for me was when I started getting acupuncture as obviously I had to talk about it!! It's really helped me open up more. Maybe cos it's part of the session I feel like it's ends when the session ends of your know what I mean.

 

[Pidgeridoo]

I would find it so hard to share our struggle to have a baby with anyone! Though now that I am startig the ball rolling and seeking help I'm concerned about how hard it will be to get time off for appointments etc without having to eventually disclose even a wee bit of information to my manager Although she is a lovely woman and I have no doubt that she would be anything but supportive! It's just the thought of people knowing, it makes it more real or something! I am also considering telling my mum but even that seems a bit too hard at the minute, I know she is so excited to become a granny and she would be such an amzing one too! I'm an only child and although I know she would be more than supportive I just can't face dashing her hopes and telling that it may never happen! I am in a more positive place recently though, I can see light at the end of the tunnel now we are getting help!

 

[MoominGirl]

I'm definitely one of those who really doesn't want to share. I think it's the fact that once you share, you can't take it back and I'm already wishing I hadn't shared with some of the very small number of people I've shared with I really got an eye opener about how ignorant people can be. Had to walk away before I lost it earlier. Anyway, rant over!!

My manager is one of the few select people I've shared with and from that point of view I've been lucky as she's been very supportive. As far as testing to begin with, it's only a docs appointment and blood tests so you could easily be vague about it if you want to.

 

[liz85]

It's hard telling people. Iv told very close friends. I'm sick of people giving me advice who have no idea what I'm going through. If one more person tells me "it's best to have them when your young and not to wait any longer" I think I'll cry. If only they new all I want is one baby. Just one and I'd be extremely happy. To make my husband a daddy aswell.

 

[Pidgeridoo]

I have had the "it's better to have your family while you're young" lecture a couple of times too! I'm only twenty seven lol if only it was a easy as deciding I think I will have a baby this year lol

 

[Alexis2017]

Today has been hard. 3 friends announced their pregnancies over the wknd and it has all just made me over whelmed with the prospect of being the last person with no baby and I am the oldest. Im gong back to tne docs on Thursday to ask for more tests. I know there must be some reason I have not concieved.

 

[liz85]

Sorry Alexis hope you get good news soon. There seems to be lots of pregnancy announcements at the minute.xxx

 

[Pidgeridoo]

Today has been hard. 3 friends announced their pregnancies over the wknd and it has all just made me over whelmed with the prospect of being the last person with no baby and I am the oldest. Im gong back to tne docs on Thursday to ask for more tests. I know there must be some reason I have not concieved.

I am totally in the same boat as you today Alexis2017! There are three girls at my work pregnant, one announced today! The other two I found out about before tweleve weeks but they are due to anounce anytime! My cousin is pregnant too as well as OH's best friends wife! Feel like I can't get away from it! So I came home from work feeling sorry for myself only to log on to facebook to see that today must have been scanning day at the local hospital and my newsfeed is flooded with scan pics from people I don't even know and they were just there from friends commenting on and liking them! I had a little cry tbh, but OH has been so sweet he always knows how to cheer me up!

 

[Alexis2017]

I wish DH was more understanding wgen I get upset. I too had a wee cry but DH always says...'it will happen we are just having to wait a bit longer but we will get there' then u get annoyed he assumes everything wil be okay. I know i need to be more positive but where does that positive energy cime from when you have been knocked down month àfter month watching everyone else get their bfp?

 

[MoominGirl]

Liz - totally agree with you about the 'advice' people seem to think they're qualified to give despite the fact they have no idea about what you're going through. I find it particularly irritating when they ask you when you're going to have children as if it's a restaurant reservation!!

Alexis and Pidgeridoo - it's tough when you have to deal with lots of announcements. Personally, I can deal with the pregnancy news as a general rule. Of course I have a bit of a cry on a bad day but for the most part I'm ok. What I find hardest, is dealing with all the prying into my personal life that people suddenly feel they are entitled to ask about. It's like it's some sort of green light . That's why I stay away from Facebook etc.

 

[darinefawns]

hi guys! I wanted to share my ivf experience cuz i'm still so excited with this! Well we've been trying to make a bb like for 5 years or so, we thought it was just some minor problem whatever. Finally I went to the doctor to make ALL analyses and figure things out, and the result was that i wasn't fertile, I had NO eggs at all, just empty folices. We live in Malmo and u know it was expensive to do IVF here, so we started to look for clinics in Czech Republic, Russia and Ukraine and finally we chose "New Life" in Ukraine... u know, we came there, made all analyses once again, and they found a perfect egg for me like within a month! Yeah, so i went under the procedure of IVF and in May I gave birth to my son Andreas**** We are so happy now, it was way cheeper than it would be in Sweeden. I only have their e-mail, i don't remember the website unfortunatelly

 

[Pidgeridoo]

My OH is very positive too Alexis2017! He is convinced we will have a baby eventually whether it be naturally or medically! I am glad he is so positive it helps to keep my spirirts up! Jut hope he is right! lol I can normally cope ok with announcements too MoominGirl but I think there is just too many all at once right now and from all areas of my life, so I can't escape the pregnancy chat! The only safe place is my house lol So one of the other girls officially anounced her pregnancy today! I have known for over a month now, it did lead to the "When are you going to have a baby?" questions though!

 

[Alexis2017]

My OH is very positive too Alexis2017! He is convinced we will have a baby eventually whether it be naturally or medically! I am glad he is so positive it helps to keep my spirirts up! Jut hope he is right! lol I can normally cope ok with announcements too MoominGirl but I think there is just too many all at once right now and from all areas of my life, so I can't escape the pregnancy chat! The only safe place is my house lol So one of the other girls officially anounced her pregnancy today! I have known for over a month now, it did lead to the "When are you going to have a baby?" questions though!

Ppl at my work all chat babies as they all habe one which is fair enough. The thing that gets me is they don't even notice that I am sitting there every time quiet and they never ask me...so I am part happy they don't ask but at same time find it hard as always baby lunches and meet ups and I do feel really left out. I just want to feel like I did at the start of ttc...excited and positive. I guess we have to just have hope it will happen for all of us.

 

[MoominGirl]

My OH is very positive too Alexis2017! He is convinced we will have a baby eventually whether it be naturally or medically! I am glad he is so positive it helps to keep my spirirts up! Jut hope he is right! lol I can normally cope ok with announcements too MoominGirl but I think there is just too many all at once right now and from all areas of my life, so I can't escape the pregnancy chat! The only safe place is my house lol So one of the other girls officially anounced her pregnancy today! I have known for over a month now, it did lead to the "When are you going to have a baby?" questions though!

Ppl at my work all chat babies as they all habe one which is fair enough. The thing that gets me is they don't even notice that I am sitting there every time quiet and they never ask me...so I am part happy they don't ask but at same time find it hard as always baby lunches and meet ups and I do feel really left out. I just want to feel like I did at the start of ttc...excited and positive. I guess we have to just have hope it will happen for all of us.

The majority of my colleagues have completed their families so talk about children a lot. I have a nephew so I find I can relate to these conversations and take part so it helps me not to feel excluded. I even managed to solve a hair issue that my colleague was having with her little girl so I felt very proud that day! Alexis - is there a way you can find that will help you participate more? My nephew really is a godsend for getting me through these things!

Pregnancy chat I find much more difficult as I can't relate to it at all and it always leads to the inevitable questioning with me desperately trying to change the subject as discreetly as possible. I don't think people who have never struggled realise how isolating it can be.

 

[Pidgeridoo]

I hate the questioning mostly because it's just a big fat slap in the face reminder that we are strugglig to have a baby! Also I'm terrible liar so I can guarantee that a lot of people can see through my crazy cat lady only wanting our cat story lol I'm so grateful to one girl I work with though, She has been very open about her struggle to have her son so I think she has worked out that we are have difficulties too, so if she is about for the twenty questions she is always first to jump in and say we are only having cats lol and she is the kind of woman who you listen to! lol Thankfully it doesn't bother me talking about other peoples children though!

 

[MoominGirl]

I hate the questioning mostly because it's just a big fat slap in the face reminder that we are strugglig to have a baby! Also I'm terrible liar so I can guarantee that a lot of people can see through my crazy cat lady only wanting our cat story lol I'm so grateful to one girl I work with though, She has been very open about her struggle to have her son so I think she has worked out that we are have difficulties too, so if she is about for the twenty questions she is always first to jump in and say we are only having cats lol and she is the kind of woman who you listen to! lol Thankfully it doesn't bother me talking about other peoples children though!

No I generally don't bother talking about other people's children. I also don't mind talking about pregnancy generally, it's only if it gets a bit intense that it becomes excluding if you know what I mean. It's really only once someone turns to me and starts going on about when I'll pop out a baby like that's just how it works. I'm obviously a much better liar than I thought as people often just go on and on!! it's so difficult sometimes though.

 

[Pidgeridoo]

Had a tough weekend tbh! Two announcements from girls at work, one I have known about for a while so was kind of expecting the fb update but it hit me much harder than I thought it would! Especially since this girl is a very nasty piece of work and a bully, I know it's not nice of me and I do feel terrible for thinking it but the thought of "she doesn't really deserve this" has ran through my head a couple of times! She is also quite young, has only been with her boyfriend about a year and they don't even live together! Yet they thought it was a good idea to actively try for a baby! but the other one was totally out of blue, she's a lovely girl but that news has hit me hard too! I'm so glad I can come on here for a bit of a rant lol